Changing My Name From Laura to Francesca or Lara?

[antiquesandwine]

Likely a strange post, but I want to change my name. This isn't a baby name post, but a name change advice post for me, a woman in her 30s.

My official first name is Laura. Although I've used this name for over thirty years, I have no emotional connection to it. I've never liked the sound of the name, and when I introduce myself to new people, I cringe at telling them my name. I mumble it and hope they'll forget it, which they often do anyway.

Laura was by far the most common name in my year group at school. I was known as "Laura no. 4." Nowadays, when I tell people my name, they say, "Oh, you must have been born in the 80s!" I've also recently discovered that my mother never wanted to call me Laura, but my father insisted. I'm so sorry to all the other Lauras, but I'm done with this name. There are far worse names out there, but I genuinely feel it's holding me back, personally and career-wise.

My new name options, in my mind, are either Francesca, my official middle name, or Lara, which is obviously Laura without the U. I love the fact that Francesca is a strong, timeless and pretty name, but I would insist on being called my full name, as I positively hate Fran or Frankie. While Cesca is OK, I would only want it as an occasional nickname.

I really like the name Lara, but sometimes I worry that it's a little bland and sounds like the American version of Laura! At the same time, it's cooler and less fussy than Francesca.

Any thoughts? Francesca or Lara? I love both names in a way that I've never loved Laura, but I'm terrified of making the wrong choice! Thank you.

Thanks so much. Such a good point on nicknames!

I honestly wouldn’t bother changing it, it will be be a pain for everyone you already know, and you’ll still get called Laura.

I say this as someone who has EXACTLY the same problem with the ‘other’ popular 80s name, bloody loads of us everywhere. Hasn’t occured to me to change my name, I just made sure I gave my kids names outside of the top 20. No Lilys or Noahs here.

If you must change, I'd go with Francesca. But I do wonder if, having changed your name, you will find something else to obsess about instead - your feelings about your perfectly normal and nice name are... not normal? I mean, wanting to weep at the thought of "Laura," believing that it's holding you back career-wise? This is not a normal way to think and suggests that there are some other issues going on here.

Lorna is my mother's middle name. I'm sadly not mad about it for whatever reason, but thank you. It can be hard being one of several, especially when we're assigned numbers, which happened to me both at school and in the office!

Where did I say in my post that it makes me want to "weep?" I've never liked my first name, and that's that.

I have a friend (known her for 20 years) that I have always known as Lauren (I am in the USA so positive connotations here with Lauren Bacall and not Lauren Cooper). She is sophisticated and fits her name well. I found out after about a decade that her given name was Lori - which she hated and changed in her 20s. A few family members still use it but noone else (not her DH, friends coworkers etc). So I think it's perfectly possible to change your name as an adult
Do it if you want to.

I used to know a guy who changed his first name in his 20s (his original name wasn’t great tbh), and the new one just stuck very quickly. You should definitely just go for it if you are sure.

I wouldn’t go for Francesca if you don’t want a nickname, I think you will always be fighting that. Lara is nice!

Agree with a PP - this isn't a healthy thing to be so fixated on.

Just consulted another Laura, who confirms that no-one has ever said "You must be born in the 80s!" to her once, let alone several times. What's wrong with being born in the 80s? Or the 90s, since many Lauras were born in the 90s, too? Surely people can already guess your age roughly by looking at you, anyway? Besides, many names indicate the era of a person's birth, we don't all swap names every five years to keep everyone guessing.

The only reason the name could possibly hold you back is because you mumble it when you introduce yourself and hope other people forget it, potentially causing you to come across as socially awkward.

Changing your name so that it no longer matches the name on your existing qualifications is more likely to hold you back, because it may force you to explain this odd hangup to prospective employers - not ideal when 91.8% of interviewers will also be called Laura!

You did say " and the thought of going by 'Laura' is making me weep," which is why I posted that.

I don't know why people are taking it so personally that you want to change your name lmao, it's your name to do whatever the hell you like with. I've got a long but dull name that shortens multiple quite different ways and I've switched between them as I've gone through life, it can feel very transformative changing how people address you.

I know a woman who changed her name in her 30's, it didn't cause the level of headache and chaos people here seem to think it would, and she was so much happier for having her new name. She was also an 80's kid and went from a very common 80's name to Jade, which suits her far better. It only took her friends and family a few weeks to adjust. It's been a few years now and no one ever really slips and calls her her old name.

Of your two I prefer Lara but agree it's too similar to Laura, so would probably go with Francesca!

Love Lara

personally I’m not a fan of Francesca as it feels fussy especially as you don’t want the shortening’s but if it makes you happy go for it! Lara has the advantage of being close enough to your name that it doesn’t feel like a big change (if that’s what you want)

Don’t worry about changing names employment wise as has been mentioned, it’s not an issue, you just submit your deed poll along with any certificates etc I’ve never been asked about it, I changed both my first and surname, I’ve just said to hr I’ve attached my deedpoll because of a name change.

That was very much a figure-of-speech statement. I'm not sure when we started being so literal in this country.

Thank you, I'm bemused, too, lol. Some odd projection going on.

I'm happy that your friend got to switch to a better-suiting name. I've lost count of the number of times I've been told I don't "look like a Laura." Seeing as I feel no emotional connection to the name, and since discovering that my mother was bullied into naming me Laura against her will (long story), I'm not surprised.

I think that Francesca may be the option of the two, too.

Would you consider changing it to something else entirely? If so, what is your favourite name?

I have a very similar name to you and would really love to change it for the same reasons (although I don’t think I’ll ever have the courage/time/effort to do it!!). I’d go for Lara - it’s absolutely gorgeous, really strong yet pretty at the same time and not too far away from Laura so won’t be such a big adjustment for friends/family

I can assure you that I've received multiple rude and ageist comments about the name Laura (from men, yes) in medical and corporate settings. I don't know why. That's not the issue. The issue is that I genuinely don't like, and never have liked, my name.

I'm far from socially awkward, but curiously, I've been told multiple times over that I don't look like a Laura. I don't feel an emotional connection to the name, and I've discovered in recent years that my mother never wanted to call me Laura. Life is too short to feel so disconnected from our birth name.

Francesca is one of my favourite names but then I love Frankie and Cesca too!

Lara is lovely.- I know two and they're great people. I must warn you thar one is often called 'Lazza' by most of her friends (not me!).

Have you considered Cara or Cora?

Ooh, that's a good question. I've spent some time poring over various names, but Lara and Francesca still rank as my top two!

Oh I love the name Laura. If I had another baby I'd choose Laura. What a shame you don't like it!

Lara makes most sense I suppose. I'm guessing you have other things in your life that you're dissatisfied with perhaps and think changing your name will help. I don't know if it will but fair enough crack on!

I feel the same as you about my name, and have seriously thought of changing it legally. I have always hated my name. It’s just the sheer hassle involved in changing all documentation and telling people to call me something different that puts me off.

I wouldn’t go with Francesca as it will be shortened. It’s a lovely name though. Oddly enough I love the name Laura . Lara is an alternative but maybe something else entirely would be better. Just do it! I wish I had changed mine long ago. I don’t like my middle names either.

Lara is cool, lara croft springs to mind, and not long enough to get nick names!

My first name is Lauren and I use lwren here, but in real life I use my middle name as I don't really suit Lauren but look more like the name I use. My middle name is also very 80s but easier to shorten. Really the only person who calls me Lauren is my partner. I didn't suit loz either. Its much more care free and fun than my neurotic arse is.

I do wish I'd officially changed my whole name in my teens though to something I really loved.

If you love Francesca, use that. I have a 3 syllable name that is usually shortened. I just tell people I use the full name if they ask about nicknames. Most people ask.

Sometimes people call me by a shortened name and I just say some form of 'my name is' or 'I don't answer to that, it isn't my name' depending on my relationship with the person.

My 95 year old neighbour calls me by a short form sometimes and I just put up with that, but no-one else does.

I feel for you OP. I'm older and was called one of the most popular names of the 60's born girls. I've hated my name all my life so decided on January 1st this year to inform family ( to start with) that I would now be known by my middle name, which is unusual and a really lovely name. 'Oh right' they said.....and then nothing, nothing happened, I was never once called by my middle name and I've now given up

I like Lara.

Francesca a bit frou frou