Changing My Name From Laura to Francesca or Lara?

[antiquesandwine]

Likely a strange post, but I want to change my name. This isn't a baby name post, but a name change advice post for me, a woman in her 30s.

My official first name is Laura. Although I've used this name for over thirty years, I have no emotional connection to it. I've never liked the sound of the name, and when I introduce myself to new people, I cringe at telling them my name. I mumble it and hope they'll forget it, which they often do anyway.

Laura was by far the most common name in my year group at school. I was known as "Laura no. 4." Nowadays, when I tell people my name, they say, "Oh, you must have been born in the 80s!" I've also recently discovered that my mother never wanted to call me Laura, but my father insisted. I'm so sorry to all the other Lauras, but I'm done with this name. There are far worse names out there, but I genuinely feel it's holding me back, personally and career-wise.

My new name options, in my mind, are either Francesca, my official middle name, or Lara, which is obviously Laura without the U. I love the fact that Francesca is a strong, timeless and pretty name, but I would insist on being called my full name, as I positively hate Fran or Frankie. While Cesca is OK, I would only want it as an occasional nickname.

I really like the name Lara, but sometimes I worry that it's a little bland and sounds like the American version of Laura! At the same time, it's cooler and less fussy than Francesca.

Any thoughts? Francesca or Lara? I love both names in a way that I've never loved Laura, but I'm terrified of making the wrong choice! Thank you.

Going from Laura to Lara will be easy. When you get your website live and give out the address, all the people calling you Laura will simply think they have been mispronouncing your name and move to calling you Lara pretty quickly.

Anyone who questions it, just give the MN tinkly laugh and say 'I know, it happens all the time". Start subtly. Immediately change your name in your email and ensure the IT team have changed it to Lara, then sit back and let the magic happen.

Love Francesca but it will get shortened, adults definitely love shortening names. It's not a childhood thing. Mine gets shortened all the time by new people.
BUT you just correct them.
Go with the one that makes you feel like you!

Tracy is a mid 1960s name Not 1980s

I like both your options. Because of the lack of admin I'd go with Francesca. But when you tell people, be really breezy and confident about it - 'it's my middle name, I've always preferred it so I've decided to swap them round. But no short versions please!' I suggest you don't offer lengthy explanations with regard to your creative industry or your identity. I do get it, and I do think you have a point about Laura, but basically don't justify it to anyone because they'll take it/you less seriously and probably won't use it or will wonder about your reasons and think you're being silly. People can be weird and judgey about stuff like this.

Nowadays, when I tell people my name, they say, "Oh, you must have been born in the 80s

Really!! Who are these people?
I know several Lauras who were born early 2000s so I have know idea why anyone would make a comment like that

That’s breathtakingly rude- long words too much of mouthful? You’re really that lazy and stupid? How do you cope with words like accommodation, necessary and transparent? Oh yeah, you just say them…

I would have said Laura was more of a popular 90s than an 80s name (yes, I have skin in this game!) Earlier generation and had 4 Sharons and 3 Traceys in my (mixed) primary class so understand how some names just become endemic, at different times.

OK, you don't like it, you can change it, but really can't see why or how it would hold you back professionally or why you have had so many rude comments. It is a very old classical name and anything but "out there".

I think that is akin to gaslighting people- can you imagine them all going” Shit, I’ve been calling her Laura all this time, I’ve only just realised it’s Lara, how embarrassing!”

@Unopenedpackofmenssocks There's something about names that makes many people not want to say the long version, either they like nicknames or can't be arsed to say it. I always say the full name unless they express otherwise. But it's a fact that many don't.

I’m wondering what creative field you work in where upon introducing yourself you’re met with “Oh darling, how eighties”

They sound like pretentious snobs and you desperately want to fit in with them. 😂

You can change your name although it will be a load of agro. As teens a few of my friends changed their name in an attempt to re invent themselves/find an identity. Who can be bothered in their 30’s?
You have so much registered in your name at that point.

Bear in mind- Calling yourself Francesca will not make you more interesting, cool, it won’t change your personality-nor will it make your portfolio more respected.

I know 2 adult Lauras - both beautiful people. I love their name because it’s part of who they are.

Lazy and stupid? And yet here you are calling me rude? Pot and kettle spring to mind.
I speak from experience. My name has 3 syllables. No one, aside from in a professional capacity and even then it’s hit and miss, calls me my full name. Literally every single person I know shortens it. People can’t be arsed with long names. Fact

Don’t tar all “people” with the same brush. Not everyone is as bad mannered as you are.

I don't think it will make any difference. There's nothing about the name Laura that screams 80s (not that it would be a problem even if it did) and it sounds very much like you're fixated on one thing that's masking something else.

Changing your name won't change how people perceive you, other than some people thinking you're being a bit weird. And it won't help with whatever it is you're really bothered about.

How am I bad mannered? Did I say I shortened people’s names? No I did not. I said people shortened my own name. Learn to read

Most people regard shortening a name as a sign of affection or familiarity. I’m not all offended if someone shortens my name and I don’t think it’s rude at all?

One of my elderly clients always calls me Sweetheart, or a shorter version of my name.
I think most people are fine with it- I don’t think there’s any bad intention; the opposite in fact.

My friend did this. Her name was something along the lines of Kay Katherine (it wasn’t this but same idea) and she went from a Kay to a kate. So a very similar sounding name that came from the middle name. She did legally drop her first name because she hated it but she liked that she had the kate somewhere in her name to begin with (even as a nickname) so she felt it was always hers. People took to it really well and she never gets called Kay anymore. So if you choose Lara I don’t think it’ll matter how close it is to Laura really. You could also be Laurel which is nice. I prefer Lara to Francesca which I think would get shortened to fran

Laura is a lovely name, really classic and pretty. Changing it to Lara is insane.
Francesca is just not as nice as Laura and will definitely be shortened to Fran.

I think there is something deeper behind this and you should address that rather than changing a lovely name.

Both names are lovely. I really like Lara, it has a nice sound and is much less common than Laura yet established enough for people to recognise and spell right. My daughter has a little friend called Lara and I've always liked it.

Francesca is beautiful but the shortened versions are not, especially Fran/Frannie. I've known 3 Francescas and all ended up being known by diminutives they and their parents hadn't really wanted. One was Frannie since primary school, one was Fran and the one I work with now is known as Cesca which she says she capitulated over to get away from Fran!

I agree with others on this thread who say people shouldn't shorten others names without invitation and that it's rude. I agree. But they DO! I'm an Elizabeth who hates "Liz" .... you can guess the rest!

I think there is something deeper behind this and you should address that rather than changing a lovely name.

But it's not "lovely" to OP because she doesn't like it!

Just wanted to add my two cents as a Laura.

Work in a medical and corporate setting and never had comment made about Laura being an 80s name, nor have I felt it hold me back. Unusual you've had so many of these comments, but it may be because of the way you introduce it in an embarrassed kind of way? I do have a "strong" surname though, so perhaps that makes a difference.

I feel if you change it to Lara you will have pronunciation issues (a lady in my office is called Sara, people constantly calling her Sarah)

So I would go with Francesca or something completely different (cus people will likely shorten Francesca!) but no matter what you change it too, consider how it will sound next to your surname.

I don’t shorten people’s names without asking, but loads of people do. If you really hate Fran and Frankie, I would stay away from Francesca - it doesn’t really have any other obvious shortenings since “Fanny” became an unacceptable nickname!

I agree with others here that you have rude and weird colleagues, if people really are saying negative things about your name.

Oh I read it perfectly well. You don’t stop people shortening your own name so you perpetuate the rudeness and you clearly don’t find the behaviour unacceptable so stands to reason you probably do it yourself You said yourself that a “mouthful” is a problem for you.

Affection and familiarity in a professional workplace? No thank you.

Go with Francesca. It would be unusual for someone you’ve only just told your name to, to start using a shortened version of it. Usually that happens once you are familiar with someone. So if by that point you know someone well enough for them to try using a shortened nickname version of Francesca with you you should feel comfortable enough to tell them politely “ooh actually I’m Francesca I don’t shorten my name”.

Go for it! I adore the name Francesca and would love to have been called that too.

I think everyone should really get to pick their own name as an adult.