Changing My Name From Laura to Francesca or Lara?

[antiquesandwine]

Likely a strange post, but I want to change my name. This isn't a baby name post, but a name change advice post for me, a woman in her 30s.

My official first name is Laura. Although I've used this name for over thirty years, I have no emotional connection to it. I've never liked the sound of the name, and when I introduce myself to new people, I cringe at telling them my name. I mumble it and hope they'll forget it, which they often do anyway.

Laura was by far the most common name in my year group at school. I was known as "Laura no. 4." Nowadays, when I tell people my name, they say, "Oh, you must have been born in the 80s!" I've also recently discovered that my mother never wanted to call me Laura, but my father insisted. I'm so sorry to all the other Lauras, but I'm done with this name. There are far worse names out there, but I genuinely feel it's holding me back, personally and career-wise.

My new name options, in my mind, are either Francesca, my official middle name, or Lara, which is obviously Laura without the U. I love the fact that Francesca is a strong, timeless and pretty name, but I would insist on being called my full name, as I positively hate Fran or Frankie. While Cesca is OK, I would only want it as an occasional nickname.

I really like the name Lara, but sometimes I worry that it's a little bland and sounds like the American version of Laura! At the same time, it's cooler and less fussy than Francesca.

Any thoughts? Francesca or Lara? I love both names in a way that I've never loved Laura, but I'm terrified of making the wrong choice! Thank you.

Lara seems better and avoids any shortening or incorrect spelling.

If you want to change it, change it. I have to check people’s identity for my job (FSA regulated) and plenty of people change their names or go by a middle name, just please for the love of god do the paperwork to go with it! It’s so hard when someone sends me their bank account in the name of ‘Ann’ but their passport says ‘Jane’ and there’s nothing to show how the change of name happened.

Maybe you could just pronounce your name differently? There was someone in my class at school called Laura, but pronounced it as L-ow-rah.

I’d go with Francesca as it’s already your middle name and I prefer it to Lara, but you probably will get people trying to use Fran. I only know one Laura, I hadn’t realised it was so popular and don’t associate it with the 80s. Was it a Little House on the Prairie thing?

Just use Francesca. It’s a beautiful name, and it’s already your name, so no admin fuss.
I don’t think of Laura as an 80s name, though - it’s popular but timeless. I was born in the 70s and there were several Lauras in my school year.

Francesca is lovely. I would avoid Lara like the pest because of the Zhivago connection. The only people I know who've used it for their kids have a Russia fetish.

Go with Francesca :) I have a relative who used middle name for a period then eventually got it changed by depol and the first name removed entirely :)

Either but Francesca is likely to get shortened. It's just one of those names.

I don't think I'd bother to change it legally. There are millions of people known by middle names or variations of their first name, like mosts Jim's are really James nobody would think anything of it.

My youngest is Francesca. She doesn't tend to get it shortened she always introduces herself as Francesca iyswim.

I used to call her Frankenstein 🤣🤣 and frankincense at Christmas 🤣🤣 but no one else would get away with that.

BTW my nan was a Laura. Born in the 1880's. She named her eldest daughter after her born in 1920. Aunty Laura always hated her name thought it dreadfully old fashioned 😊

Op given how socially awkward you already are, I would think long and hard about how this will go. You already struggle with introducing yourself.

Out at a work function and up comes a friendly face (ff)

FF: Hi Laura!
You: Nope, (mutters) it's Lara now
FF: Yes Laura I know thats your name!
You: No, it's LARA! LARA! - Laura sounds too 80's
FF: But... Weren't you born in the 80's?
You: Ummmm.....
FF: ok, Laura, see you around 🤔

It's a shame you didn't switch to Francesca as a child.

Btw Laura truly is not an 80s name, there are currently primary school children and babies called Laura. The truly 80s names are more like Stacey and Tracey. I have a truly 80s name that hasn't been heard of since but am I ashamed? Of course not. There's nothing wrong with being a child of the 80s.

I’m in the same situation as you, I was given a beautiful and traditional first name that sadly was very popular that year and there were multiple girls in my year with the same name.

I then went to art school and my agent after I graduated requested I change my first name as there was already an artist with a name very similar to mine.

I changed it, to a name strangely not dissimilar to Francesca (I’m of Mediterranean heritage on both sides). It feels like me. I feel happy in my own skin. My birth name while a perfectly nice name was meant for someone far more traditional than me.

I'm a Laura. I also used to work in the creative industries and I can say in no way shape or form has my '80s' name held me back. Perhaps it's your attitude? You're incredibly negative about it. I also have never ever had any comment about my age or name or decade of name from anyone so that is incredibly strange.

If you don't like your name change it, but honestly I think working on your woe is me attitude would be more beneficial

I’m astonished at all the “likely to get shortened” posts. Most people, when you introduce yourself as “Francesca” would not dream of addressing you as “Fran”, “Frannie” or “Cesca” unless invited to do so.

I have an obvious shortening to my name, which I don’t like. Nobody has ever used it.

Do people really call Rebecca Becky, Elizabeth Liz, Victoria Vicki and Christine Chris without being asked to do so?

I know that tabloids do, but not so much in real life. The only name I have ever seen used this way regardless of preference is men called Christopher who seem to be addressed by default as Chris (but not same for Christine, as I noted above). But even that is easily corrected- nobody says Chris Nolan do they?

I’m a Laura, and no-one has ever commented to me that I must have been born in the 80s or made ageist or otherwise negative comments. How strange for people to do that. I wasn’t born in the 80s, mind, so I’d probably take it as a compliment!

If you hate it, you hate it though 🤷‍♀️. I prefer Lara to Francesca, personally, because I dislike long frilly names. I wouldn’t let people shortening Francesca put you off though, if that’s your preferred choice. I worked with a Victoria for a while and if anyone called her Vicky she would fix them with a cold stare and say slowly and clearly “Victoria” in a tone that implied they were a bit stupid. They never did it again!

Actually re the shortening of names... my name has several different shortenings. When I was younger I went by one which suited my maiden name. When I got married I tended to introduce myself by my full name.

Many years on my husband calls me by my shortened name and it confuses the hell out of pretty much everyone because they just don't associate the short name with me. No one has come up with a nickname I get called by the name I introduced myself as.

It happens to me quite often, luckily I like the short version too.

What kind of rude people do you hang out with? Just tell them to use your chosen name, surely?

This sounds like a deep seated self esteem issue which has manifested as a hatred of your name.

Most people’s names are simply a part of them. I get the impression you want to be someone else/ reinvent yourself.

A bit like a person with body dysmorphia fixating on their nose; changing it and then being depressed that it hasn’t “re invented” them into a different person.

A persons name has zero impact on how I perceive them.

I think you’ll get a lot of baffled questions about why you’ve changed your name and some people might think it’s a little pretentious or a sign you have identity issues.

No need, I’m happy with either. It doesn’t tend to be “people I hang out with”, it’s often people I’ve just met through business, or whatever. If I did mind I’d just say “it’s Francesca”. It is a bit irritating when they do it without checking first but I tend to let it go because I do like the short version.

I know a lady who changed her name in her 30s about 10 years ago. She’s basically now called ‘Francesca, you know the one who used to be Laura’. Even after all this time. I’m sure if she moved away it wouldn’t be the case, but certainly around her main friendship group it is!

Nowadays, when I tell people my name, they say, "Oh, you must have been born in the 80s!"
Really? I have never heard anyone say that

If you hate Fran don’t use Francesca. No one is going to call you Francesca. It’s too long. Too much of a mouthful. Also don’t expect your long term friends to remember. One of DH friends changed his name in his mid 30’s by deedpoll. It’s all official. They are now mid 40’s and all his old friends still call him his old name

Go for it Op
Personally I prefer Francesca and as you said you work in a creative field I feel Francesca sounds more creative than Lara.

Do you know what your mum wanted to call you? Perhaps use that name

I think that's why it might be easier to have a more subtle change Laura to Lara.

But changing to Francesca will be easier in new circles, ie moving job, or it could be the butt of The Artist previously known as Prince jokes.

You “positively hate” the name Fran but will hear that every time someone calls you Francesca.

I don’t think changing your name will alter your feelings about your identity.

The emotional dissociation you describe along with the way you describe a new name as “prettier” “strong” “cool” as if it defines a person makes me think you won’t get the inner confidence you crave by name changing.

You’re putting far too much hope in a new name defining you.

If you are looking for a brand name for your portfolio then you can easily go under a different name or version of a name for that without all this angst about permanently changing yourself.