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Surely this is just human nature or has everyone become unkind

256 replies

Lovetoshop778 · 05/05/2024 13:40

Went to see challenges at the cinema it’s obviously a longish film over two hours. Once it had finished there was a massive queue for the toilets as I think another film ended around the same time. A young woman entered the toilet clearly overtly desperate for a wee legs crossed etc. I said the poor girl could obviously go in front of me only for the woman behind me to get very cross with me. Surely it’s just human nature if you see someone more in need you help? Like if someone was starving hungry I would give them my food even if I was also hungry.

OP posts:
Desecratedcoconut · 05/05/2024 17:24

Lovetoshop778 · 05/05/2024 17:21

It’s not always that someone has held on pregnancy uti’s anything really can make it urgent suddenly

But, suddenly, just at the very moment that there's an enormous queue? Not the two hours it was empty beforehand or in ten minutes when it'll be empty again?

Kalevala · 05/05/2024 17:26

You do need to understand that people do exist who have no shame, who will exaggerate or act through life so that people give them what they want.

I wasn't there so I don't know if this woman was that type, she may have been genuine, and in that case, your mistake was only your disregard for those behind you.

DisappearingGirl · 05/05/2024 17:27

I can't believe the responses on here! I would definitely have let someone cut in if they were clearly desperate to go, and I wouldn't mind if someone in front did that either. Yes it's annoying queueing but most people aren't about to wee themselves. Sometimes you just time it wrong, or your kid is suddenly desperate etc.

Lovetoshop778 · 05/05/2024 17:29

Desecratedcoconut · 05/05/2024 17:24

But, suddenly, just at the very moment that there's an enormous queue? Not the two hours it was empty beforehand or in ten minutes when it'll be empty again?

Yes it was the end of the movie I doubt with the way the queues were it would be empty in ten minutes. I would imagine it’s quite common to be desperate after a film that was so long plus ads and drinking soft drinks I know I was! And I had been before.

OP posts:
Lovetoshop778 · 05/05/2024 17:30

DisappearingGirl · 05/05/2024 17:27

I can't believe the responses on here! I would definitely have let someone cut in if they were clearly desperate to go, and I wouldn't mind if someone in front did that either. Yes it's annoying queueing but most people aren't about to wee themselves. Sometimes you just time it wrong, or your kid is suddenly desperate etc.

Exactly there are different levels!

OP posts:
wyziwyg · 05/05/2024 17:30

Your question has been answered by some of the replies, the human race has become very self-centred and unkind!

Hartley99 · 05/05/2024 17:36

Personally, I think we are becoming ruder and nastier, and I’d put it down to two things:

First, overcrowding. There are just too many people, full stop. The 20th-century won’t be remembered for the Beatles or the battle of Somme. It will be the century in which the population exploded. In 1900 there were a billion humans. By 1960 that had trebled to three billion. It’s now eight and heading for ten. Animals packed together in a zoo bite and savage one another, and we’re no different. My local woods have been hacked down to make way for a new estate, and at night I’m woken by the screeching and backfiring of boy racer idiots. Too many people, too many houses and too much noise. It’s frazzling our nerves and making us all irritable. If you could jump in a time machine and visit a suburban street in 1950, you’d be struck by how quiet and empty and calm everywhere seemed.

The other problem is how hyper-competitive and status-hungry everyone has become. When I was a child in the ‘80s, the class system was still intact. Middle/lower middle class mothers were terrified of being thought vulgar or common, so they taught their children to behave in a certain way. We had to say “thank you for having me” if we went to a friend’s house, for example. And my grandfather even made my brother step off the pavement for a woman!!! All that has gone. But we’ve replaced it with a greedy, materialistic, Americanised culture, in which people are judged purely on how much they earn and how big their house is, not on their accent, education or manners.

Put those things together - a crowded country that no longer values manners or ‘class’ - and people will become ruder and nastier.

Kalevala · 05/05/2024 17:38

wyziwyg · 05/05/2024 17:30

Your question has been answered by some of the replies, the human race has become very self-centred and unkind!

No, they are choosing to show kindness to the 20 people behind them by not letting someone queue jump just because they are the only one acting out discomfort. If you want to be truly kind then swap places.

happypickle · 05/05/2024 17:39

Fgs, are people honestly saying it was the wrong thing to do to let someone desperate go ahead in the queue. I really couldn't get worked up about this. What a sad little society we have become.

Funkyslippers · 05/05/2024 17:39

Alalalalalongalalalalalonglonglilong · 05/05/2024 15:00

My 4 yr old had to go on a flight just as seat belt signs came on so she had to wait. We were ages landing and disembarking then had to get a bus to the airport so by the time we met the first toilets she was desperate and there was a long queue. I kept saying its OK keep holding it won't be long, we were speaking loud enough for everyone to hear and not one person let her skip. It's years ago now but to this day I wish she had piddled all over the floor and they had all slipped in it. YANBU OP I think you meant well

You're allowed to use the toilet after landing, before you get off the plane

Funkyslippers · 05/05/2024 17:40

happypickle · 05/05/2024 17:39

Fgs, are people honestly saying it was the wrong thing to do to let someone desperate go ahead in the queue. I really couldn't get worked up about this. What a sad little society we have become.

If I was going to let someone in before me, it's polite to check with the others in the queue if they mind

happypickle · 05/05/2024 17:42

'If I was going to let someone in before me, it's polite to check with the others in the queue if they mind'

Are you really that much in a rush that you wouldn't let someone who clearly needs to toilet for whatever reason ahead of you. Are you really that petty?

Kalevala · 05/05/2024 17:45

happypickle · 05/05/2024 17:42

'If I was going to let someone in before me, it's polite to check with the others in the queue if they mind'

Are you really that much in a rush that you wouldn't let someone who clearly needs to toilet for whatever reason ahead of you. Are you really that petty?

If there are 20 people in the queue then there's a good chance that one or two of them needed the loo more than the queue jumper, they just weren't the song and dance types. Personally, if I'm desperate then I'm focusing on holding on.

Sunnysidegold · 05/05/2024 17:46

I think op is starting to get the idea now.

I know you did it from a place of kindness op, and you could see she was (genuinely or not) distressed so you did what you thought was right and let her go in front of you.

Unfortunately you didn't think about the other people behind you, who now had to wait for another few minutes while that loo was being used.

Whether or not she was pregnant, had a UTI, was faking it is kind of irrelevant. If you wanted to keep things the same for everyone else and be kind to all you should have gone to the back of the line when you gave her your space. That would keep the wait time the same for the rest of the line. I know you said you couldn't wait though.

It was just an unfortunate mixup - don't let this put you off doing a kind deed in the future, but maybe just think about it your action will negatively impact others too.

Lovetoshop778 · 05/05/2024 17:48

Kalevala · 05/05/2024 17:45

If there are 20 people in the queue then there's a good chance that one or two of them needed the loo more than the queue jumper, they just weren't the song and dance types. Personally, if I'm desperate then I'm focusing on holding on.

I doubt any of them needed it more then her she was on the verge of tears. Personally if I needed the loo so badly I wouldn’t be chatting and on my phone as I wouldn’t be able to
focus but like I said I won’t let anyone skip again unless I can hold off enough to go to the back myself.

OP posts:
Lovetoshop778 · 05/05/2024 17:49

Sunnysidegold · 05/05/2024 17:46

I think op is starting to get the idea now.

I know you did it from a place of kindness op, and you could see she was (genuinely or not) distressed so you did what you thought was right and let her go in front of you.

Unfortunately you didn't think about the other people behind you, who now had to wait for another few minutes while that loo was being used.

Whether or not she was pregnant, had a UTI, was faking it is kind of irrelevant. If you wanted to keep things the same for everyone else and be kind to all you should have gone to the back of the line when you gave her your space. That would keep the wait time the same for the rest of the line. I know you said you couldn't wait though.

It was just an unfortunate mixup - don't let this put you off doing a kind deed in the future, but maybe just think about it your action will negatively impact others too.

I get this and like I said unless I can hold off and go to back myself I won’t do it in the future but for the woman to shout at her while she was using the loo just seems unkind

OP posts:
Lovetoshop778 · 05/05/2024 17:50

Funkyslippers · 05/05/2024 17:40

If I was going to let someone in before me, it's polite to check with the others in the queue if they mind

It was bit difficult as so many people

OP posts:
Kalevala · 05/05/2024 17:52

I doubt any of them needed it more then her she was on the verge of tears.

You can't judge need by behaviour. Some people are the song and dance types, some are the keep calm and carry on types.

Lovetoshop778 · 05/05/2024 17:56

Kalevala · 05/05/2024 17:52

I doubt any of them needed it more then her she was on the verge of tears.

You can't judge need by behaviour. Some people are the song and dance types, some are the keep calm and carry on types.

I don’t make a song and dance but I’m just saying if I’m desperate for the toilet I’m going to feel uncomfortable and not be particularly enjoying social chit chat and on my phone

OP posts:
Kalevala · 05/05/2024 18:02

Lovetoshop778 · 05/05/2024 17:56

I don’t make a song and dance but I’m just saying if I’m desperate for the toilet I’m going to feel uncomfortable and not be particularly enjoying social chit chat and on my phone

We are all different, if I'm desperate for the loo I'm not going to be dancing about, and some people may seek out a distraction. The point is that while the squeeky person gets to queue jump, it doesn't mean they were the only one in need, or even the most in need.

BippityBopper · 05/05/2024 18:05

OP, it's not that serious.

You had good intentions but they didn't consider the whole picture. I would be annoyed with you letting someone cut in tbh.

You're not a bad person but if you're going to do a "good deed" that affects others, you'll need to grow a thicker skin and accept people won't like it and even make comments expressing so.

Lovetoshop778 · 05/05/2024 18:30

BippityBopper · 05/05/2024 18:05

OP, it's not that serious.

You had good intentions but they didn't consider the whole picture. I would be annoyed with you letting someone cut in tbh.

You're not a bad person but if you're going to do a "good deed" that affects others, you'll need to grow a thicker skin and accept people won't like it and even make comments expressing so.

I get this but I just thought it was cruel of her to shout at a woman who was clearly desperate for the loo. She hadn’t even asked to skip.

OP posts:
Lovetoshop778 · 05/05/2024 18:30

Kalevala · 05/05/2024 18:02

We are all different, if I'm desperate for the loo I'm not going to be dancing about, and some people may seek out a distraction. The point is that while the squeeky person gets to queue jump, it doesn't mean they were the only one in need, or even the most in need.

Obviously everyone there was in need.

OP posts:
DrJonesIpresume · 05/05/2024 18:31

cranberrypi · 05/05/2024 16:56

the op was not being kind. This was not an act of kindness. I am a very kind and generous person. For that reason I would not do something so thoughtless and selfish as this

Letting someone who is desperate for the loo to queue-jump is being kind. We don't know why she was so desperate, could have been unexpected flooding, upset stomach, anything - not just needing a wee.

Anyone who is in that sort of urgent predicament needs help from her fellow human beings, who should be intelligent enough to realise that one day, it could be them.

Kalevala · 05/05/2024 18:32

Lovetoshop778 · 05/05/2024 18:30

I get this but I just thought it was cruel of her to shout at a woman who was clearly desperate for the loo. She hadn’t even asked to skip.

If someone was desperate themselves then they may act out like that.