Parents house falling down around them

[wispse]

My parents are c65. Retired at 55 on good pensions. So about 80k a year.

victorian 4 bed house. But it is falling down. They bought it in 1994 and have not spent a PENNY on it. One working toilet. No showers. Leaking roof. Ceiling falling in. Damp. Mould. Always freezing. Holes in carpets. Dirty. Garden over grown

But to most people they seem like semi-successful retired professionals. They go on multiple holidays a year. Last year they went to Thailand twice, Barbados 3 times, Spain, Greece, city breaks. Fab. But they spend all of their money on travels or squirrel it away.

How the fk do I get through to them that they need to sort the house our before one of them falls ill or they get old?

Then the problem will be all yours to deal with
They might ask for help but what if you dont have the time or resources to help?

Well that's the problem.

Do you tell them 'tough cheese, you had your chance ten years ago and blew it'?
Or do you patiently explain that you have a job and a family and your time and energy are accounted for?
Or do you try to squeeze all they need into your already stretched hours per week?

Very often, they will only accept help on their terms too - wanting specific hours that suit them regardless of your other obligations, refusing to have a repair done properly because they think it will cost too much, and they want X unlicensed cowboy who is a friend of someone they met at the pub to do their roof or their wiring, refusing to discard piles of old crap that constitute a fire or trip hazard, or junk that's full of vermin/ rodents, digging in their heels and proudly proclaiming that the mould hasn't killed them yet. And there's sometimes the scenario where they won't accept advice wrt property repairs or maintenance from a woman, because what do women know about these things...

I have. My parents were both hoarders who let their house fall apart and their garden become a wilderness.

It took us many month of hard work.

I couldn't and wouldn't have changed how they chose to live their later years in their own home.

'Semi successful ' .... wow.
Is it the house which needs work, or you?

Fun isn't it. You spend 20 years looking after your children and then you are rewarded with spending years having to sort your parents' shit out.

@mathanxiety you're totally right!
I think the best approach is to, get out in front of things/manage their expectations/cultivate your own hapless persona with which to interact with them/play them at their own game/be just as weird difficult & slippery as they are.
Duck & dive & dodge such that the consequences of their choices fall on them. This can be tricky with siblings as the parents will already be experts at playing them off against each other.

My sister and I are extremely concerned about electrical fires. But it's like talking to a brick wall; my dad has dementia and my mum has her head in the sand.

You don't have to.

@Churchview no we don't have to. But what do we do? Leave them to it?

@CloudPop yes, because it was their choices that lead to these totally forseeable consequences. I'm all for helping those who take responsibility for themselves, but I'll never sacrifice myself on the alter of "duty" for those who didn't.

And to add to my earlier point- some people's health declines very quickly in their 70s. Not everyone is a fit spring chicken until their 90s.

Eeek, I'm sorry. That sounds so stressful for you and your sister

It's an option. They are adults who've made their own choices.
You can only live your own life.

Ultimately it will become the child/ren's problem when they're faced with the consequences when a parent has a crisis or dies.

There's just not much that can be done with stubborn parents in the years before they reach that point. It's hard when it all unfolds slowly in real time and you can see how it negatively impacts your parents' quality of life but are powerless to intervene to improve their lives and your mutual relationship.