Parents house falling down around them

[wispse]

My parents are c65. Retired at 55 on good pensions. So about 80k a year.

victorian 4 bed house. But it is falling down. They bought it in 1994 and have not spent a PENNY on it. One working toilet. No showers. Leaking roof. Ceiling falling in. Damp. Mould. Always freezing. Holes in carpets. Dirty. Garden over grown

But to most people they seem like semi-successful retired professionals. They go on multiple holidays a year. Last year they went to Thailand twice, Barbados 3 times, Spain, Greece, city breaks. Fab. But they spend all of their money on travels or squirrel it away.

How the fk do I get through to them that they need to sort the house our before one of them falls ill or they get old?

I’d bluntly tell them that they need to get the house in good order with as little maintenance needed as possible to prepare for their old age. And add that nobody of any age should be living with mould/leaking roof etc.

I guess it isn't a rare thing when people buy a house and then do absolutely nothing to it until it falls down.

Same with cars I've known people to buy a car and then just run it into the ground and then they wonder why it doesn't work or they've had to get expensive repairs because they neglected the vehicle.

Many people don't realize that there are insurance policies and home warranties that don't pay out for neglect of a home.

I do think there is some cognitive disconnect between cause and effect that causes people not to plan ahead like this properly take care of things. I imagine this isn't the only thing that they're neglectable of.

It's their life, they aren't particularly old and have decided they want to prioritise travel over house improvements. That's maybe not the choice you would make, but it is their right to make it.

They’re 65, entirely up to them how they choose to live. If they’re happy let them crack on.

My parents were like this only they didn't have a high income or high pensions. My dad would botch things up and mum was desperate to downsize to something more manageable and warmer. No-one could afford the £100,000 that was needed to renovate although we did clubbtogether to get new double glazing. My dad then passed away and mum has finally moved to a lovely warm, accessible flat. It was awful clearing out and took months of everyone chipping in at the weekends to get rid of stuff, furniture etc. Mum wanted to sift through everything understandably.

I will make sure I downsize well before I get too old and clear things out as I go.

Mum is very happy there and now wishes she'd done it 10 years earlier.

Ugh sounds awful. Not sure what you can do about it though beyond encouraging them to downsize to a smaller house to neglect.

Considering they have had the time and the money for house repairs since they retired at 55, it has been a very conscious decision not to bother. Which would really bug me if I was later expected to help them deal with the repercussions.

Have you spoken to them about it? What do they say?

Just make it clear that you won't be sorting it out for then when they're too old to do it themselves

It. Is. Their. Choice. They're not old, so they're making the most of all these wonderful travel opportunities - good for them, it sounds lovely. And when they are old and incapacitated, they will have fabulous memories of the world - so much better than looking back on a tidy garden, second loo or other such tedious stuff.

If only life were as simple as that. You can’t live on memories, however fabulous.

You can maintain your house in addition to having lots of holidays. The two aren’t mutually exclusive for people with the money this couple have.

They don't actually need to sort the house out. They are living perfectly well at the moment the way it is. You and I can both think they are nuts and we both know that a crisis will come, but in the meantime all you can do is sit back and practice "well I told you so" and "oh dear how are you going to fix that?".

They will have plenty of £ to fix things when the time comes.

It's their business isn't it. They are in their house, living how they wish, they are funding it. Just think how you'd feel if someone told you how to run your own house and spend your money.

I’m in this situation. Good pensions but house tired and DH only interested in holidays. Anything wrong with the house is invisible to him. I think he’s booked holidays for every other month this year. I future proofed the house before he retired at 60 but that was 20 years ago and even a room being decorated requires him to be away . He thinks all available cash should be spent on travel. I would love to be in a leak proof,safe house. He objects to any decent quality work and always prefers the cheaper option. This maybe what both your parents think . I’m tired of negotiating. I’d move to a smaller house but he says this is too small and that we never upsized. I’m struggling to get in and out of the bath but he won’t contemplate a wet room. Large living room will cost £1000 to redecorate while he is away but he says we could get a cheap holiday for that. You may not know what the behind the scenes conversations are when you are not there.

DW and I are in the same position as your parents OP.

Retired, good pensions and a Victorian house that needs work.

If I were your DPs, I'd be telling you to fuck off and let us spend our cash how we wish. There's more to life at our age than property.

I might also, if I were not charitable, be thinking how I might amend my Will.

Our house is similar but we could afford to maintain ituntil Covid and the first lockdown. All dh's work stopped dead, andwhile it's started up again it's simply not as profitable as it was - he's paid less - and not as frequent either. We're stuffed!

We live on state pension and PIP. Our kitchen ceiling has fallen down, but no one will fix it; we get tradesmenound who look at it, discuss how they'll deal with it, go off promising to send a a quote and vanish into thin air. We have been trying to get it fixed for 3 years now. I've even managed to hangonto enough to pay for it (approx £2K).

OP, I think your parents have made a choice, and it's not really your business. I'm sorry, as it's clear they're being silly buggers in this.

I think that quite a few older people would be happy to downsize and have less worry about maintaining the house and money to do so if they wish.

Unfortunately it’s just not as simple as wanting to sell and then selling. The market isn’t good at the moment and who knows when that will change.

If OP inherits the property she can sell it as a renovation, she does not have to take on an overwhelming job. More likely they will sell it themselves before then if it's falling apart.

If her parents are happy to live like that, it's their choice.

It sounds like a total renovation job which they probably don’t want to do. Best option is probably to sell up and buy something else

My DD inherited her father's large house with huge garden in 2021. It was a mess as he had done virtually nothing to it since I left him 28 years previously. I have made sure I don't leave DS and DD in a similar position when I go. I have downsized and ruthlessly decluttered. I Iook after my fairly modern little house so when the time comes it will be straightforward for them to deal with.
However I do understand the desire to travel and enjoy life whilst you are still able. DH died in 2008. We had a lot of work to do to our house but in the previous 14 years whilst the children were young we did very little to the house. It wasn't in the state of the OP's parent's house though. It was clean, warm and watertight. DH had inherited money from his parents and we intended to sort the house out at some point. I was glad that we spent those years having a great time as a family when he died aged 56. I was 48.
I used the money he left me to get the house sorted out and 13 years after DH died it sold very quickly as it was a beautiful family home with a lovely garden.

Could’ve written this myself. Although it’s my grandparents who are in their late 70s and both ill.

the house is exactly what you are describing. My grandad is a hoarder and they are running alive with mice.

it’s caused havoc in the family. But we’ve finally managed to hire a skip and start gutting the place.

I sympathise.

My parents are similar - half the electrics don't work and house is packed with rubbish so no one can get in to fix it.

I think if your parents were in their 80s, you’d have a point but they are only 65!!!! How do you know they don’t have plans to downsize soon and either just get all jobs done in one go or sell it as it is.
IMO it’s lovely they are travelling now and enjoying themselves.