50 and becoming boring - anyone else resonate?

[theartfuldodger100]

This weekend I had the chance to go away (UK) with friends. I binned this off because I would rather be at home. Home in my comfy joggers. Home having a spring clean and looking forward to giving the house a good clean and making it smell nice and feel clean and sorted. Home so I can go on long runs. Home so I can have a BBQ (weather permitting!) and my choice of food (whereas being away and going to restaurants I am limited to the menu choices). Home so I have all my creature comforts around me. Home in my safe space. and own bed.

Is this peri ?

am I becoming boring ?

anyone else resonate ?

I'm closer to mid 50s now, but yes I'm exactly the same. I used to love going away and was always up for an adventure. Now it just feels like a major chore!

I'm at my happiest when pottering around my home and garden. I do wonder if it's a phase or if this is it now! I am still in bloody peri (had hoped it would all be over by now) so maybe I'll feel differently again once I'm through the other side.

I've found my people! although please don't ask me on a Night Out

It's not being boring, it's being selective, discerning, and it's great IMO

Stop blaming everything on "peri"..... that really is boring.
I'm much older than you, OP, and I never did cleaning and still don't - to me that is intensely tedious.
However...... the point about being 50 is that you can do whatever you want and not give a damn about what anyone else thinks. So if spring cleaning floats your boat, then do it.
Enjoying your own choices isn't boring - it's liberating.

@tellmewhenthespaceshiplandscoz I'm totally with you LOL. I recently saw a quote on Facebook:

''My toxic trait is telling people I'm down for anything when in reality I mean not after 8pm, food should be involved and it also depends on the weather, the parking situation and how tired I am''

I've just subscribed to Which?

@BeaRF75 I worry that enjoying my own choices could lead to me being isolated and losing friends. I'm happy at a friends house for food/drinks and vice versa but I no longer want to go away for weekends or have days out. I'm happiest being local and home early enough to still have sofa time in the eve with a book/TV etc.

OP can you add the following to that list -

There must be somewhere to sit down at all times?

I saw my Which subscription as a turning point too! Scarily I find it interesting.

Think I've always been a bit tedious tbh...

For me though the link to peri is that I've always been the opposite of my current self. I'm sure that other symptoms I have like fucking awful sleep, dehydrated every am from night sweats (but if I drink much after 7pm I'll be up for a wee several times), confidence has fallen off a cliff and my vertigo is worse probably mean my Anti Social Old Cow tendencies are a result of them

It’s called being content.

For me though the link to peri is that I've always been the opposite of my current self

Absolutely. 10 years ago I was nothing like I am now. For a lot of us there is a link.

I worry that enjoying my own choices could lead to me being isolated and losing friends

I think this is a legitimate concern. The way I've been feeling and the impact of Covid, means I don't even really get invites in the first place any more! That suits me now. But will I feel the same later? I may well come to regret that I didn't put more into sustaining friendships.

Here's Wendy Cope for you.
https://apoemaday.tumblr.com/post/666662706720505856/being-boring/amp

I’m 48 and quite introverted.

I found myself turning down more and more stuff and I got a bit worried that I was going to isolate myself completely. Plus my life seemed to be getting smaller and smaller and DH was getting a bit frustrated that I never wanted to do anything.

I have made a massive effort to get out and do more and do feel a bit better for it,

I’m happy to go out for dinner or the pub or friends houses, but I want somewhere I can sit down and don’t have to shout over loud music to have a conversation. I don’t drink much alcohol as it keeps me awake and I feel like shite for about 3 days, and we agree on how we’re getting home in advance (book a taxi or arrange a lift)

We went away for a weekend a couple of weeks ago, and despite dreading it I really enjoyed it so we’ve booked a few more weekends away.

I'm mid 50s and have had a Which subscription since I bought my first house in my 20s. My turning point was in my early 30s when I realised I'd rather drive home from any night out than sleep on someone's floor. Fortunately my friends were all
similar and we soon noticed parties tending to conclude with a cup of tea rather than crashing out.

However now with young adult DC I am relishing my freedom and socialising to the max (drawing the line at sleeping on floors). I think becoming isolated is a real risk if this happens too often, have you tried suggesting local nights out etc to your friends? Or finding other hobbies and interests where you might meet people?

I'm 54 and have just bought 2 Stressless chairs. My daughter and son inform me that they are utterly hideous. I care not one jot because they are so comfortable.

There is something extremely liberating about being an older woman who couldn't give a damn about what other people think and I am more than happy to say no to anything I don't want to do.

I too am more than happy cleaning and tidying my house, doing my garden, cuddling my cat ( well I try as she's very cold hearted and aloof!) and going out only when I really want to.

I'm 54 and going the opposite way. You're a long time dead as my grandmother used to say. I want to experience as much as I can now I'm free childwise before I'm too old or infirm to do so.

You've just got to find your tribe I guess. I've got several groups of amazing friends and can usually find a couple who are up for whatever event I want to go to.

@Xyz1234567 There is something extremely liberating about being an older woman who couldn't give a damn about what other people think and I am more than happy to say no to anything I don't want to do.

Couldn’t agree more with this. At 50, I value my time way more now I’ve got more of it behind me than ahead of me.

Also, I freelance, so when I’m at an event I’m not enjoying, I’m thinking “This is costing me £ per hour to be here” because I could be at home working and earning instead. This really focuses my mind and I often dip out of dull events partway through.

I think society places less value on women’s time in general and it takes us until middle age to shake that off and adopt the attitude of spending our time in whatever way makes us happy.

Yes I resonate. Same age as you and love being at home. Not the cleaning so much though!

I do make plans but usually wish I hadn't when it comes time to carry them out.

I had a very rare night going 'out out' this weekend and unusually didn't spend the whole time wishing I was home instead. I didn't get slaughtered but it took the whole next day to recover. Having fun is hard work!

Yes quite, I'm in a sweet spot freedom-wise where my children are fairly independent and my parents are still in reasonable health, I'm in good health and so is DH and we are making the most of it. Fortunately most of our friends seem to be of the same mind.

Yes, I used to love a bit of travelling and would make the most of every bit of annual leave and get the very last plane or train back and roll into work sometimes with my suitcase with me.

I'd roll my eyes at older colleagues who took days off to 'do the garden' or 'potter about a bit' or a week off and stayed at home.

Now I would nod sagely and think, ooh a week at home, lovely.

Im a little bit younger but now with dc almost grown I’m the opposite. I’m desperate for weekends away, holidays and hobbies and would love to never clean again! ( sadly can’t afford a cleaner yet but focusing hard on my career do that one day…..)
If you are happy though that’s the main thing.

I think it's important to know what you like and what you don't, and that what other people find fun may be our idea of hell. But it's also easy to slip into a mode of choosing comfortable and easy to the extent that it leaves us feeling flat and unfulfilled. I know myself that sometimes I have to force myself out of the door to do something but I feel so much better if I do get out and do it.

I guess it's important to be able to say no to other people's ideas of what we should be doing, but it's also important to have some things you genuinely want to say yes to, things that keep you alive mentally, socially and physically.

I couldn’t stand all that cleaning and running, and I like trying different foods people have planned and cooked for me. And I love new places. I’m away to 4 different places between now and the middle of June! I’m 59.
As others have said though, it’s not boring to do what you choose to do. It’s liberating. Also as others have said though - make sure you are doing it for the right reasons and not shutting off experiences you actually would enjoy once you pushed yourself out of comfortable.