What would you reply to this message?

[Yurnsli]

Hi everyone,

I just got this message from my ex-husband that quite frankly pissed me off. I don't know what to reply.

For context, my ex-husband and I are legally divorced and have been separated for the last fifteen years.

My son insisted I let him move into the annex temporarily as he doesn't have money and nowhere to go.

I stupidly accepted.

He has no money as far as I'm aware, although he's been very evasive and secretive around a trust fund he and his sister got from his father's inheritance.

He refuses to apply for any financial help or get his retirement money and refuses to move out of the house. Although our daughter offered to help him find a place and help him get his finances sorted.

I feel I have no choice but to give him money and do his shopping.

I left to travel to my pregnant daughter's to help her out as she is currently alone with a toddler and is due in the next couple of weeks. I am quite skint myself at this point and only left him and my son with enough to cover essential shopping and did a full shop as well.

He texted me this:

"Unfortunately, when you left, you didn't leave any money for me. This means I cannot buy food or cigarettes.
Can you think of a solution to this problem?"

I find it very cheeky but don't know how to reply.
I'm tired of this situation and want to get rid of him to be honest.

l can declare myself free to live an independent life.

Seriously, hand him a sock with 'you are free to go - I give you your freedom'

I would ask the police to be there while you kick his pathetic arse out your house when you return from your daughters

I feel I have no choice but to give him money and do his shopping.

Why do you feel you have no choice?

If he needs money he can sign on and receive benefits until he gets a job.

Please keep posting OP because this is completely unacceptable!!

Your son’s behaviour is unacceptable but your ex husbands is something else!

I hope your daughter has her baby ok.
When you return please post on here and sort this out once and for all.

I thought it was your son who texted you that - which is bad enough but I’ve just re-read and it’s your ex saying that!!!

I’m actually in shock over this and it’s not ok!!

@Yurnsli you need to go home and sort this quickly before he takes over your home. It is not up to your son to persuade you to let him stay. Get him out before your daughter gives birth. Or he can go there and take her up on her offer.

Presumably he’ll go out at which point you change the locks. If necessary I’d change the locks on the house too. How old is your son?

And ignore the text for now. I wouldn’t have anyone smoke anywhere in mine never mind pay for their cigarettes.

This simply isn’t on - the kids are part of your life. He isn’t.

Wow, the entitlement. I'd get help, hired heavies, police, rent a thugs to get him out.

Never mind what your children think, no doubt they'll judge you as they've swallowed some family cool aid that YOU are responsible for buying him cigarettes 15 years after the divorce.

I agree, go to a solicitor and be prepared to get help getting him out.

Things will be unpleasant, he'll no doubt shame you and smear you and play the victim. Don't buy into it. Let the children see over time how he fares when he's standing on his own feet. The family narrative no doubt is ''poor Dad'' and the way that Mum has to ''prove'' that she's not cold-hearted is to buy cigarettes and food for poor loser dad. But from now on, let them process how much of that narrative is true.

This!!!!!

This & change the locks! Stop being a doormat!

How old is your son?!

Why did you feel you had to agree to all this? It's batshit. You are divorced! You're not responsible for him!!

I'd go home now and sort this out - don't let him stay for two weeks!

You may need to call the police to get him out. Then change the locks and time for a serious talk to your son!

@Yurnsli here is what I would write:-
Dear ex husband,

Quick reminder, we are divorced and have been separated for 15 years. To this end, you are already independent, and so free to get a job, earn your own money, and buy your own food and cigarettes.

The only reason we are having this conversation is because our son convinced me to take pity on you, and so you are living in my house. It sounds like this no longer suits you, which is fine by me. I would be delighted for you to leave, be independent, and never darken my doorstep again. The sooner the better in fact you useless wastoid.

This victim mentality combined with the grandiose ridiculousness of his messages screams narcissistic behaviour to me.

In which case, your best bet is simply to accept he eikl never be able to be rational about anything or take any responsibility. So stay strong and feel confident in your own decisions. On plus side, at least your dd seems to get it. You might have problems with DS.

he can go get a job

I’m very much looking forward to you moving out too.

You can start your independent life right now!!

Leave immediately and don’t contact me again. Good luck!

Perfect!

‘That sounds great. Can I also suggest that you drop the pompous fucking tone? Otherwise I’m happy to finally completely lose my shit and declare you ‘independent’ of sponging off me right here, right now, and throw you out as soon as I’m back, with help if necessary. Cheers’

Let's be clear on terminology folks, this is NOT an eviction, so please use the right term.

Eviction is the civil process by which a landlord can legally remove a tenant from their rental property.

The OPs EX-husband is temporarily doing what might be loosely termed sofa-surfing because the DS talked the OP into it.

He has zero legal basis for occupying the OPs sofa or whatever and if the OP has her wits about her she'll get him out today. Not tomorrow or the next day but today. The fact she even needs to ask about his dumb ass text while not seemingly realising he's already a cocklodger is of concern. His welfare is not her problem, not her Circus, not her Monkeys.

Wow. I can't believe you've been subbing him too.

I would be replying
Fuck off you parasitic excuse for a man and when you get there fuck off a bit further

Seriously get this scrounger off your property and change the locks. He has no rights and is taking the piss by manipulating your son. However said son does or doesn’t feel about it you are not responsible for this adult man and your son needs to understand that you have done more than your bit already.