What would you reply to this message?

[Yurnsli]

Hi everyone,

I just got this message from my ex-husband that quite frankly pissed me off. I don't know what to reply.

For context, my ex-husband and I are legally divorced and have been separated for the last fifteen years.

My son insisted I let him move into the annex temporarily as he doesn't have money and nowhere to go.

I stupidly accepted.

He has no money as far as I'm aware, although he's been very evasive and secretive around a trust fund he and his sister got from his father's inheritance.

He refuses to apply for any financial help or get his retirement money and refuses to move out of the house. Although our daughter offered to help him find a place and help him get his finances sorted.

I feel I have no choice but to give him money and do his shopping.

I left to travel to my pregnant daughter's to help her out as she is currently alone with a toddler and is due in the next couple of weeks. I am quite skint myself at this point and only left him and my son with enough to cover essential shopping and did a full shop as well.

He texted me this:

"Unfortunately, when you left, you didn't leave any money for me. This means I cannot buy food or cigarettes.
Can you think of a solution to this problem?"

I find it very cheeky but don't know how to reply.
I'm tired of this situation and want to get rid of him to be honest.

There are multiple solutions...paid employment or an application for benefits being the top two. I already cover your accommodation, electricity and heat. If this isn't working for you, you are more than welcome to leave.

"Fuck you. Cunt"

Would be my reply.

This!!

God, OP. Do the Freedom Orogramme?

Set your boundaries!

This can’t be real. And if it is ffs stop being bossed around by men.

'Unfortunately, when you left, you didn't leave any money for me. This means I cannot buy food or cigarettes.
Can you think of a solution to this problem?'

Buy your own food and give up the fags- sorted

I’m curios @Yurnsli why do you feel that he is your responsibility? Do you feel in debt to him for something?

This is a perfect response

'Grow up, sort yourself out, and fuck off.' would be my considered response to that.

Is this a joke? Kick the cock lodger out ASAP

This can’t be real….

He needs to get a job.

Tell him to eat his own nose boogies. They are free, nearby and come in crispy or chewy varieties…

Thank you all for your answers. I replied to his text, basically saying no and that it wasn't my responsibility. I also added that we needed to discuss the housing situation once I was back.

His reply: I am very much looking forward to sorting out these issues, to the point where l can declare myself free to live an independent life.

The house is in my name only so I'm not sure what he's hoping to achieve or what he means by that

“We’re already divorced you fuckwit. There’s nothing to ‘sort out’. I want you gone by the time I get back”.

Tell him he is very welcome to begin that independent life before you return home and you are also very much looking forward to him no longer being dependent on you and your money.

Sweetie, I say this with love but although you divorced him, you didnt cut the cord.

STOP FEELING OBLIGATED, START GETTING ANGRY!!!!

"There is nothing to sort. You leave, end of. Your housing and money problems are nothing to do with me."

Op honestly, as soon as you can, CHANGE THE LOCKS WHEN HE IS OUT.

Otherwise he will never leave. He is not paying you rent and you have no contract. Just get rid. Literally kick him out without notice.

He's manipulating you into thinking you still owe him something. The message he sent proves he's a bully - the tone, the demands in it. Which is good news in a way because all you have to do with a bully is stand up to them and they crumble. They have nothing else.

As others have said, discuss the housing situation when you're back and get him to move out. Give him a time limit and if he doesn't manage to get his shit together, pack up his stuff and change the locks.

He is not your problem. He needs think of solutions to his own problems.

Tell the parasite you want him gone before you get back

Don't give him notice OP, that might imply he's got rights to stay there and it gives him a month to research how to dig his heels in. Just wait until he's out then get an emergency locksmith to change the locks, bag up his stuff and put it outside.

If your son kicks off at you, kick him out too. His dad is manipulating him and TBH if he's old enough you're taking his opinion into account then I doubt there's anything you can do about that. Son is under the thumb and if it causes him to treat you badly he needs to go too.

Ex won't apply for financial help because he knows he's not entitled to any due to trust fund income plus they'd force him to look for work any why'd he do that when he can scrounge off you?!

The sponging scrote is taking you for a mug and it's worked and all! You're bloody nuts to have started this and even more nuts if you let it continue. Your son doesn't rule the house, you do.

I wouldn't reply to the message, I'd block his number. I expect there will be an area in the phone where you can read the blocked messages, should you feel the need to, there is on mine. Just means you won't have the stress of them pinging through all the time.

I PM'd you OP

You need to take him to the council house, so that he can declare himself homeless. He'll get emergency accommodation, until something permanent becomes available. You cannot carry on like this. Never listen to your son again. If he wants to help, then he can.

Honestly I’d reply get a job

Never mind the goady message.

The best message for him is NO message !

And you need reflect on why on earth you allowed him to move in.
Then reflect on what you need to do ( legally as well) to kick him out.

You do realise he’s abusing you and getting kicks out of it?
Thus the intentionally cheeky message which is best ignored.

Do not waste your time replying to it !
Take action instead.

How old is your son ? How come you allowed yourself to be persuaded by him ?

If he’s also a grown man maybe you need to kick him out too !

My son insisted I let him move into the annex temporarily as he doesn't have money and nowhere to go.

I stupidly accepted.

difficult to disagree with you.

kick him out, he has no right to be there and you have no obligation to house him, so just do it today.

yeah this - I’d just ignore it