Wedding Dress Regrets, Been 3 years.

[SillyCook0]

I got married at 24, had a great day, love my husband. I felt young and daft in the shop and ended up buying the first dress I tried on.

It's been years now and I still sometimes torture myself over it. It crops up when I am anxious about other things in life.

I've attached a photo. I analyse photos and go down a rabbit hole sometimes when I'm feeling low. I don't know what's wrong and why I can't snap out of it!

It's a beautiful classic and timeless dress - couldn't put a year on it which I think you'll be glad for looking back!

On the over thinking - I do get it. I'm autistic and when I get "stuck" on something it's very hard to pull myself out of it I definitely think it's worth exploring some therapy where you can learn skills to help you stop ruminating. And considering if this is a symptom of something broader - have you always been this way in terms of a tendency to ruminate? Is it symptomatic of neurodivergence, anxiety, depression, OCD or something else? Is there anything going on in your life that might have triggered it? Best of luck - you really did look beautiful in it!

It is a beautiful elegant dress and you look fabulous in it.

Hopefully you had a wonderful day surrounded by people who love you and were there to celebrate your marriage, and that you and your husband have built a good marriage together. To be honest doesn't really matter if you got married in a tracksuit.

If you want a second go at picking a special dress, you could get something really special for a big anniversary, 10 years for example.

It is a beautiful elegant dress and you look fabulous in it.

Hopefully you had a wonderful day surrounded by people who love you and were there to celebrate your marriage, and that you and your husband have built a good marriage together. To be honest doesn't really matter if you got married in a tracksuit.

If you want a second go at picking a special dress, you could get something really special for a big anniversary, 10 years for example.

Your dress is beautiful and elegant, but that’s not the point. Long term ruminating on stuff can be a symptom of something else. That psychic energy mass can attach itself to something unrelated and burrow itself deeply.

I’ve been exactly where you are (but with my puppy, not wedding dress). No doubt all along that he was the scrummiest puppy in the universe, but his coat wasn’t silky & floofy as expected. I perseverated for weeks with coat disappointment and became an expert on dog coat genetics! You get the picture 🤪 He’s grown up to be the most loving, soppy, loyal, mischievous pooch, and his coat did fill out into super-cute scruffiness 🐶 So, to say, rumination/perseveration can be a symptom of anxiety conditions. Look into therapy, or self directed therapy workbooks. Eat plenty of protein, B vitamins & nutrient rich food so your neurotransmitters are firing on all cylinders. Good sleep, reduce stress and moderate cardio exercise will all help too.

I think if you’re still ruminating over your perfectly lovely wedding dress three years after you wore it you have bigger problems than mere regrets (many of us probably wouldn’t pick the same wedding dress again). Gently, OP, have you thought about therapy to help you get past it? It sounds like you feel anxious more than you are comfortable with, and there are things you can access to support you.

Beautiful, elegant, classy dress. You look stunning. It's very Pippa Middleton-esq and the world went crazy for that dress!

I think as others (and you know deep down) the dress isn't the problem. I suffer from anxiety and it's evil. This is just something you are using to torture yourself. Please get help to be kind to yourself, you deserve it.

Thanks everyone, these really are such kind comments. I will look into how to stop ruminating, I definitely do this. My father is in hospital, so it's not like I don't have other things to worry about. Maybe I just focus that nervous energy into something mundane like my dress. I notice it is much worse in times of stress or anxiety.

Its also the biggest 'thing' I've ever done (no kids yet), so I'd gone from never having a bday party to a full scale wedding and I was riddled with anxiety before walking down the aisle. I was fine afterwards and as the day went on, but I can honestly say I've had better, more enjoyable days and if I could relive that time in life again, I'd relive my honeymoon not my wedding day!

I agree there's far too much hype around it. I'm feeling much better, more stable, and confident today.

I know exactly how you feel - I was never 100% happy with my wedding dress and I'm nearly 10 years on. Just felt it was too plain overall. Was also second choice (couldn't find original pattern).
Struggle with decision making as well.....

it's lovely!!

Definitely remove the wedding photos from display. No point looking at something that is causing you upset on a daily basis and getting ingrained in your psyche. It's not a requirement to have wedding photos up. Take 'em down now. You can sort out replacements later.

I was the same age. Tried in school me beautiful dresses I could only afford because they were 40% off that day only, but my mother bamboozled me into having it made by a friend. She was a good seamstress, but not a dress designer, so I had to choose a pattern. There were no wedding dress patterns in the shop, so I chose a nice dress that could be altered to make it more like a wedding dress. She made the whole thing out of my expensive fabric after one visit. No adjustment to the pattern. I was mortified, but she was also a wedding guest so I couldn’t do anything. It took several years for the disappointment to fade.

Sorry - typo above. I tried on some beautiful dresses.

Hi OP I agree it is an elegant and timeless dress which fits beautifully. I like the thought of you trying on and buying the first one too, it seems like you were focussing on the right thing - ie the marriage.

I think I would focus on what you said - the happiness you find with every day since.

How awful would it be to look back fondly on a different dress - but realised on the honeymoon you had made a terrible mistake with your DH and be in an unhappy marriage?

Ah @Genevieva that is such a shame. Its so easy when you're young to get pushed into decisions by others (mothers especially). I hope you had a lovely day and marriage x

That photo shows that you are a fully feminine adult woman with a sophisticated taste for simplicity. What else could there be?
Above all hun, it all worked, it all came together on the day. Enjoy the memory of success. We sometimes forget to take time to enjoy those moments.

Oh bless you. I wish I could give you a hug OP! This is familiar to me too FWIW - I tend to ruminate on something very specific - and irrelevant - when I'm under particular stresses in my life. I really hope you're able to move forward. I don't think I'll ever overcome my tendency to do this, personally, BUT recognising it for what it is (as you are now doing) has been hugely helpful. When I can recognise it and name it & understand what other stresses are contributing to it - it has made it much easier to get unstuck. There's a lot of power in naming these thoughts for what they are. And it gives me a push to make a conscious effort to distract myself with other things. Another strategy I use is I'll allow myself a period of time -15 mins or so - to worry about it every day then I tell myself it's time to put it in a box and move on. Then I do something like phoning a friend for a chat or doing something creative or focusing on deep cleaning the bathroom - something that forces my attention onto something else. Might sound silly but it works pretty well for me x

It's beautiful - so simple and elegant. It flatters your love figure beautifully.

Thank you @Bowies and that's true ❤️ha yes if I'm this anxious over a dress, the anxiety I'd have if I thought I'd married the wrong person doesn't bear thinking about!!

@SillyCook0 It’s time you took up crochet or something. Ruminating with empty hands is definitely a devils playground situation.

It was a lovely day, even though they wasn’t the only thing my mother was controlling about. We married before our friends, so had nothing to compare it to and I was never one of those girls who planned their weddings in their teens, so I had no idea what I was doing! Ultimately, no one remembers and the marriage is a good one, which is what counts. It just means I will make sure my daughter wears exactly what she wants. My mother isn’t a bad person. She is just very stuck in her ways.

Thank you @Purplehearts9066 ❤️

I like the 15min worry, then moving on idea! The distraction technique is good too and I think it's what got me out of my funk a couple of days ago, I got focused on a new project at work, visited my nephew and listened to the problems of my friends. It helped me to focus on other people and things. X

It's a lovely elegant dress and you have the perfect figure for it.

I love this and agree! I mean, the opinions of strangers on the internet really shouldn't matter but, for what it's worth, my impression of the woman who wore this dress would very much be of a sophisticated and stylish woman who wears timeless, elegant clothing that she likes & which suit her. I promise I'm not one for insincerity - I genuinely think it was a beautiful & classy choice and believe that when you're able to move on from this, you'll look back for these photos and feel good about your choice.

Great strategies! Another thing id suggest is - try not to give yourself even more anxiety by feeling bad about having these thoughts and trying to "suppress" them and make them go away. You're having these thoughts, you can't control that, but you CAN control how you respond to them. They only have the power you give them. Notice you're having them, without judging yourself - and try and act as a neutral "observer" of your thoughts rather than getting into internal dialogues and arguments with yourself if that makes sense. I read a great book called The Happiness Trap which explains these kind of techniques really well! X

It is a beautiful dress.
However, make an appointment to see your GP and join the countless others who get signed off for ‘anxiety’.
Or, get a grip.