Wedding Dress Regrets, Been 3 years.

[SillyCook0]

I got married at 24, had a great day, love my husband. I felt young and daft in the shop and ended up buying the first dress I tried on.

It's been years now and I still sometimes torture myself over it. It crops up when I am anxious about other things in life.

I've attached a photo. I analyse photos and go down a rabbit hole sometimes when I'm feeling low. I don't know what's wrong and why I can't snap out of it!

ps
I only tried 2 dresses on and the second one was to please my mother. I saw my dress in a catalogue and loved it . I knew it was right for me as soon as I put it on and I have no regrets 36 yrs later though if course it is old fashioned looking to modern eyes. Try to let it go .

Highly recommend the overcoming low self esteem book. It’s on the nhs recommend reading list, is written by a doctor, uses cbt and is essentially like do it yourself therapy. I also think you’d benefit from cbt for anxiety with a professional, so your brain isn’t going down old thought patterns where you end up torturing yourself all the time when you’re anxious. You can find your local iapt service for this and self refer.

well I wouldn’t wear it…..

KIDDING!

You look perfect in it and it is a beautiful dress. Truly. Please look at yourself through the eyes of others, especially your DH, even if just for a moment. Don’t waste another moment criticising yourself or your choice. You. Are. Beautiful. 🤩

You look beautiful.

Wedding dresses, like anything else, go through fashions. If you'd got married in the 1980s in a then-height-of-fashion meringue dress, it likely wouldn't be the dress you'd choose now, but it wouldn't mean you'd looked any less good in it.

Ten, twenty years' from now people will probably be choosing a completely different style of dress from the present trends. No one is going to look at your pictures and criticise your dress.

As an aside, you seem to have the type of figure that would have looked great even if you'd got married in a bin bag!

I got married 26 years ago and my dress was very like yours: simple and classic. I also felt that I didn't quite fit it right, but looking back at photos now, I really did! I'm so glad I picked it! The dress fits you perfectly!

this is such a beautiful dress and you look perfect, im so glad to hear your wedding was a lovely day and your marriage is going well! i second what others have said that maybe you are somehow punishing yourself by putting a negative light on a happy memory due to insecurities - it’s something I’ve been through before and found therapy really helpful. thinking of you and congrats again on your beautiful wedding🩷

Dress is beautiful and it is very flattering. Remember that absolutely no one else will have given your dress another thought apart from how lovely you looked on your special day 💐

Well firstly you look lovely in that dress, it's a gorgeous dress and it really suits you.

I regret my wedding dress, I got carried away and chose something that wasn't me and I'm reminded of it every time I pass the wedding dress shop that I pass on my way to work every day and see something I think would have been nicer. Ironically I think I'd have been much happier in yours!

I like to remind myself that if that's my biggest regret about the whole thing then I've done pretty well out of it. We had a lovely day with almost all of our favourite people and lots of good food, and I'm still reasonably confident I picked the right husband which is more than a lot of people manage.

There are some things you just can't buy and one of them is class. Your gorgeous dress screams class from the rooftops! Elegant lines, gorgeous figure, don't waste any more time worrying about being a beautiful bride.

@stargirly yes, I think that's what I'm doing too. Thank you. I'm glad you found therapy helpful and I hope I do too ❤️

@littlegrebe I live close to the shop I bought the dress from and I know exactly what you mean. Comparison is the thief of joy and when I walk past, I snoop in the window and wonder if I'd have been happier in that dress instead. It's unhelpful. I walked past it this morning and made myself not look. I feel lighter for it!

Thank you @Whatevershallidowithmylife I remember when I tried it on, I thought it was classy. I actually cried because I imagined my dad seeing me in it. How strange for me to feel so differently after the photos!

Oh it’s really elegant, classy and timeless! I’d remember your dress because it’s not the usual design and very beautiful.

I hear you. You do look stunning though.

I have a similar situation. I didn’t so much mind my dress but I hated my makeup. I had it done professionally and she convinced me to go a bit bolder and with different colours from what I normally go with as they’d be better for the photos. Well, looking back it was awful. The base was ok but the eye makeup was hardly blended and made me look totally different. Like drag make up. I don’t think about it loads anymore but if I look at the pictures, I feel they’re all spoilt because of it and I wish I could go back and change it.

Thanks @HÆLTHEPAIN 🩷 aw I know what you mean completely, it's that horrible out of control feeling that you just wish you could go back and change something but obviously you can't! Yeah they often put more on for the professional photos but I agree that it's feels such a bold look as it's not how you'd normally have your make up, even on a night out.

You know what though @HÆLTHEPAIN I bet it looked really nice on the day and it's just some of the photos and lighting that make you question it. If I hadn't hired a photographer I think I'd have been blissfully unaware of the imperfections 😆

I remember seeing my make up and loving it on the day but then some photos make it look really harsh. Do you have a wedding video? I feel like the video was kinder to me, and I hope it was more true to real life!!

Your dress is pure class and your figure looks fabulous. If you have to give headspace to outfits, plan your ideal anniversary dinner dress.

And I say that as someone whose wedding video was shot in wide angle and made me look about two stone heavier than I was! Photos were mostly lovely though but to be honest, in 23 years I've looked at them a handful of times. I look at my dh and our family much more. Don't sweat the small stuff.

I not only bought the first dress I saw but I bought it online! There is lots about my wedding day that stressed me out and made me think for ages afterwards, would I have done that differently (as I am also prone to obsessing) but buying the first dress I saw was not one of them. And your dress is absolutely beautiful and a perfect fit for your clearly lovely figure! Simple and classic is my favourite wedding dress style.

It’s a beautiful dress and you looked lovely. I can sympathise, though - I feel much the same a lot of the time about my weight, even though (as you must), I know objectively that I’m not overweight. All I can say is that, when I look back over 20 years, I’m really fond of some photos which I hated of myself at the time. A bit of time and space often brings perspective and allows you to see things more objectively. I suspect that when you look back at that photo in 10 years’ time, you’ll see it much as we do - a lovely dress on a slim young woman.

It’s not about the dress so I won’t comment- and anyway, many people I know married in dresses they loved but were massive pooffy dated meringues about ten minutes later 🤣

It’s not about the dress.

When you are stressed or anxious, hormones trickle round your body alerting the brain that it needs to worry about something. Yours has chosen your wedding dress, in the absence of a sabre tooth tiger or a wildfire to worry about.

Work on keeping the stress hormones under control- do breathing/yoga/light a candle/ whatever it takes to gently ease your stress.

It’s not a once and done thing, it’s a regular habit to destress your body. Having a good cry at a soppy advert works as well. Get the stress hormones sorted, and the dress will stop bothering you.

💐

I also hate my wedding dress looking back. I didn't make a good choice, it wasn't elegant or stylish, and didn't suit me. Everytime I think about the parts of my figure I don't like, I shudder as that was what my dress accentuated even more. I even avoided sending our thank you cards for months as I hate the photos.

However, I felt amazing on the day and had a great time. It's almost six years now and I don't really care anymore. I know this probably isn't helpful, but just wanted to tell you you're not alone and it does pass with time.

@AGlinnerOfHope I think you are so right. Its like my anxiety has to find a focus and for some reason that focus is my wedding dress.

@WimpoleHat it's so hard feeling like that about your body, even though you know you aren't considered overweight. The mind is so powerful. Thank you ❤️

@BabyAllergy101 ah that's so hard 😭 I'm glad the feeling is fading now and I hope it does for me too. I think society nowadays really builds up a wedding and how the bride looks. It's a lot of pressure.

Wow, it's beautiful. Stylish, classic and elegant.

I honestly cannot see why you would regret that dress - you look stunning in it.

it's lovely! Focus on your marriage - the wedding is only 1 day.

Beautiful, simple, flattering, - perfect. I bet you could have tried on 100 dresses and come back to that one.