Ukrainian house guest doesn't want to leave!

[reallyneedmoresleep]

We've had a Ukrainian house guest for the last six months via the Homes for Ukraine scheme. When she came to live with us, we said it would be for a six month period and at the last welfare check we confirmed that she would need to move out by mid-May.
She doesn't want to leave. She has asked several times if she can stay, we have said no. She says our house is much nicer than where she can afford to move to.

I have visited estate agents with her who advise that to rent privately, she either needs a guarantor (we are not prepared to do this) or to pay six month's rent plus the deposit up front. She cannot afford this.

What do we do?

I know the situation in Ukraine is appallling and I am writing from a position of immense priveledge but we have found it really difficult having someone else in our home. She is not an easy person to be around, does not work, has refused all offers to be taken to support groups and frequently just hangs around us when we are in the house when we are trying to work or just to chill. Our son is home from uni in a couple of weeks and we need the room back.

There has been radio silence from the council Homes for Ukraine scheme.
How can I help her to move on?

This was a mug's game from the beginning tbh. It was by design. Migrate people in and emotionally manipulate your average citizen into footing the bill for it.

The system took advantage of people's generosity knowing full well that once the guests settled in, many hosts would be left picking up the tab for much longer than planned and/or struggle to remove them and then the emotional blackmail would kick in - "well you can't make them homeless! you can't send them back!" etc etc. Guess what? The housing waiting list just got longer and rents went up. Next thing you know, immigration lawyers are telling you you're abusing their clients' rights under international law and they can stay in your property on humanitarian grounds. The longer they stay, the more difficult it gets and you're made to look like a nazi because you politely asked them to leave.

Maybe its worked for some hosts, but its turned into a costly shitshow for others.

Be unambiguous in your response and take legal advice now.

Christ on a skateboard.🙄

Again, why are they having bills paid for them to enable them to stay if they’ve outstayed their agreed welcome by 12 months?! And especially now their real circumstances have been revealed.

A warning of utilities being shut off in a months time then following through will see them either finding the money to pay or moving on.

For goodness sake. I agree that it does become a Police matter of entry is forced. My original comment was in relation to someone who was advised to get the Police involved in the first instance. It obviously does need to be spelt out as this piece of ‘advice’ keeps popping up.

Moving on, I am not implying anything. I am stating a fact. If you don’t like it, that’s just tough.

You are not alone in this situation. Very outing but ive asked if i could post this as its not my story.
A few months ago I had my closest friend round at my house in tears. The two women she had from the Ukraine went back and forth to the Ukraine several times 'on holiday' The final time she had their stuff that they'd left behind packed into a suitcase and left by her gate. Things got quite nasty when they returned but she refused to let them in and had every door locked. She too had no help. After a couple of hours of them going away and coming back they left for good. She felt uneasy for quite a while. She never heard a thing from the council. It was all very odd.

How on earth would you know if there is abuse going on in there? I can assure you there is. Many children and young people have " gone missing" Families walk out of those places and are never seen again. The food is appalling. Many people share rooms. People are traumatised, they try to kill themselves, sometimes they succeed.

how old is she? What would she be doing if she was still in Ukraine? (Except she’s not and has to work to support herself like everyone else). She has to get a job. Does she speak English well, is that what’s holding her back? Hospitality businesses are dying on their arse cos they can’t get staff. Surely once she has her own income a guarantor won’t be needed?

Interested to know what the alternative is to housing them in hotels and detention centres. What would you suggest as an alternative solution? We have a housing crisis, and whichever government gets in at the next GE, it’s not going to be resolved anytime soon. We have people who have lived in the UK for years who are in temporary accommodation, on housing waiting lists. Do you propose the refugees ‘leapfrog’ over those people? It’s bonkers that some people appear to think we should just have an open door policy whereby we welcome everyone and anyone, and house them as soon as they arrive here. And ‘appalling food’? Seriously? What do they want - Michelin star restaurant food?

It's important to remember that at some point, Ukrainians will have to go back (assuming Russia is eventually defeated) as the country has no future unless Ukrainians return and raise families there. Some European countries have chosen to make terms less generous for this reason - Ukraine is doomed if its citizens just end up putting down permanent roots in other countries.

"They" would like decent food. " They" are often expert cooks and ask many times to help out in the kitchens. This is not permitted. Why would somebody expect Michelin star food, what a silly remark.

Can you engage your brain and think possibly? There are enough resources for everybody in this country. The so called housing crisis could be solved.

It suits the governmentto scapegoat people seeking asylum and refugees.

@eggplant16

There are enough resources for everybody in this country.

Are there?

The so called housing crisis could be solved.

Can it?

If it was me I would be changing the locks and put her stuff outside. She is taking the
. You need to get your house back . Write in a letter when she needs To go or else be brutal and kick her out.

Yes, where there is effort and will. Experience and the finest minds and kindness and community it can.

Where there is greed,isolation, racism and fear, no.

This absolutely smacks of Pygmallion. You've removed this person from their own life (albeit very difficult and dangerous) to boost your own ego. You've shown them something 'better' and have completely displaced them in the process.

Self interest dressed up as philanthropy.

Your guest needs to explore all options but it’s housing associations that are more flexible and able to help. It’s not your problem though, you need to let her know her notice period, the date she needs to move out, and inform the council of the risk of homelessness.

Some nasty and unfair responses here. OP if you need more information about the process of ending your H4U sponsorship, PM me.

No ,the person was fleeing possible death. Or so we were told.

You have no grounds to question the OP's bona fides.

The OP did not 'remove' the guest from her own life, quote unquote. The OP provided the guest with a life opportunity which the latter was seeking and chose to pursue. The guest has done nothing in the intervening 6 months to advance her own cause; has rejected all offers of support on the road to self-sufficiency and now wishes merely to freeload indefinitely having agreed at the outset to leave after 6 months.

We didn’t ‘remove them from their own life’. They were no longer living their own life. They were in a refugee camp in Poland, desperate to get away from the fighting.

Our youngest guest was six when they arrived. A few months later we were out for the evening at a football match, and someone set off some fireworks. She screamed, covered her ears and dropped to the floor and rolled up in a ball. She was whimpering and shaking violently for about ten minutes. She wet herself. It was the most heartbreaking thing I think I’ve ever seen.

That is why we opened our homes, so that families could be safe. If we were ever in their shoes I couldn’t wish for anyone to protect my children if I were not prepared to do the same thing for another mother.

For the record, my ex guests have not once gone back to Ukraine. Mum won’t even consider it until the war is over. They are far too traumatised.

To suggest that we did it for ego, or to show off (only our closest family knew we were hosting) as a pet project is repugnant, and says far more about you than it does any host.

What a bitter, awful thing to say.

Have you read the play?

@Littlefish As with every country, there are some people who work hard and some who don't.

Exactly. And some of the posters on here are, perfectly legitimately, relaying their experiences of those who didnt work.

It worked for you. Great. It didnt for everyone. They shouldnt be censored.

No ,the person was fleeing possible death. Or so we were told.
My friend's guests fled death and enjoyed returning to the Ukraine and back to the hosts house when ever they felt like. It became a joke. I sat in my friends living room while the guests would laugh and joke, go out around town shopping and going to cafes and pubs etc and as soon as suggestions of them finding part time work they became offended. One was offered a part time job in the cafe where they went and was most put out. My friend said it was to help keep her busy and to save up money.

If you saw what I saw, you would know that some guests really took the piss big style.
My friend was a wreck by the time they left.
She was happy to help out and expected some support but there was nothing. The guests often blanked her and pretended they didn't understand her. There was nothing wrong with their English at all when they were doing what they wanted.

To balance things out my plumber had a single mum and her two sons and his family had a positive expierence with them. He said it did get a bit challenging at times but was prepared to accept that.

Sorry for the war in Ukraine and the people involved but you should not have got yourself in this situation in the first place, the corrupt government should be responsible. I don't even want my children to live with me let alone a stranger !..I was told by an old Captain at work many year's ago that sentiment and fear are man's two worst enemy's you are suffering from the first one !!

😂😂😂 ok.