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Original poster

DP has been watching porn and I feel VERY unsettled by it.

130 replies

Bunbum · 18/04/2024 22:29

He was on his phone tonight and opened up a new tab on the google app, I glanced over and saw that one of the tabs was a porn site.

I have to hold my hands up to this next bit because I know this is wrong and it is something I never do but… when he went to have a shower I looked on his phone just to be sure that I hadn’t got it wrong and there it was…. a bloody porn site.

Is it normal that I almost feel numb and like he has just cheated on me?!

I hate the idea that he is staring and getting off over another woman’s body.

What do I do now?! Get over it? Say something?

We have young children and I have to admit our sex life has taken a massive backstep since becoming parents. Plus I just don’t have much time for self care/maintenance these days… but I never thought he was watching porn…

OP posts:
StarlightLady · 19/04/2024 08:48

@Cosycover - and quite a fee women too.

PaperStarred · 19/04/2024 08:51

Cosycover · 19/04/2024 08:45

It astounds me how anyone can think a man doesn't watch porn.

Unless he is asexual, he watches porn. Simple as that.

Show quote history

It astounds me the kind of man Mners appear to get into relationships with.

Cosycover · 19/04/2024 08:51

StarlightLady · 19/04/2024 08:48

@Cosycover - and quite a fee women too.

Yep! I know all my friends do.

BristolBloke · 19/04/2024 08:52

The reason is right there in your last paragraph. Like it or not, the majority of men have strong sexual urges. Would you rather he pressured you for sex or had an affair?

Given that by your own admittance your sex life has taken a massive backstep he really hasn't done anything wrong. Please, cut him some slack.

GoodnightAdeline · 19/04/2024 09:36

Cosycover · 19/04/2024 08:45

It astounds me how anyone can think a man doesn't watch porn.

Unless he is asexual, he watches porn. Simple as that.

Show quote history

Yes. We will never be able to mould men into the type of ideal man you read about on here. It won’t happen. Your choices are to find the closest match you can; accept them as they are; or stay single.

Even if you’re one of the posters who says your other half NEVER watches porn and disagrees with it as much as you do… dream on. He may be nodding and saying the right things and agreeing convincingly but he knows the ‘delete history’ button is right there.

GoodnightAdeline · 19/04/2024 09:40

PaperStarred · 19/04/2024 08:51

It astounds me the kind of man Mners appear to get into relationships with.

Show quote history

Normal men.

Your other half either does, or has, watched porn, unless they are female. I guarantee it.

BristolBloke · 19/04/2024 09:44

GoodnightAdeline · 19/04/2024 09:40

Normal men.

Your other half either does, or has, watched porn, unless they are female. I guarantee it.

Show quote history

Absolutely true.

The naivety of some posters on here is astonishing.

Original poster
Bunbum · 19/04/2024 10:52

Thanks all. I personally do not watch it and wouldn’t want to at all. So I didn’t realize how popular it actually is?!

I just personally couldn’t watch other people having sex and find it a turn on, i’d be so embarrassed and weirded out. I love having sex with my partner but unfortunately being a mum of two little ones, i’m just simply not in the mood the vast majority of the time.

Maybe you are right, I might have to just cut him some slack. I also might have to make a bit more of an effort…. goes off to shave legs 🤣

OP posts:
RufustheFactualReindeer · 19/04/2024 14:22

Dh certainly watched some as a young man but doesn’t now and hasn’t for years

i do not believe that 100% of people can be said to do one thing or another (except breathe and poo and stuff)

BristolBloke · 19/04/2024 14:27

RufustheFactualReindeer · 19/04/2024 14:22

Dh certainly watched some as a young man but doesn’t now and hasn’t for years

i do not believe that 100% of people can be said to do one thing or another (except breathe and poo and stuff)

"Dh certainly watched some as a young man but doesn’t now and hasn’t for years"

How can you be so sure?

BresciaBike · 19/04/2024 14:27

My vagina would die. How anyone can ever say it is truly consensual and that this consent extends in perpetuity is beyond me.

RufustheFactualReindeer · 19/04/2024 14:36

bristol

he just isn’t bothered, and he doesn’t have access to it so even if he was bothered he wouldn’t be able to get to it

he is thinking of getting a mobile phone so if he does then all bets are off and I will no longer be popping on these threads

Whoareye · 19/04/2024 15:08

PenelopeTitsdrop1990 · 19/04/2024 08:10

So you'll never have a relationship then. All men watch porn. Those that say they don't are liars.

Show quote history

How can you make a blanket statement that ALL men watch porn? It blatantly cannot be true.
Perhaps ALL the men you mix with watch porn. Some of us might be more discerning.

BristolBloke · 19/04/2024 15:13

RufustheFactualReindeer · 19/04/2024 14:36

bristol

he just isn’t bothered, and he doesn’t have access to it so even if he was bothered he wouldn’t be able to get to it

he is thinking of getting a mobile phone so if he does then all bets are off and I will no longer be popping on these threads

Fair enough.

Whoareye · 19/04/2024 15:19

Bunbum · 19/04/2024 10:52

Thanks all. I personally do not watch it and wouldn’t want to at all. So I didn’t realize how popular it actually is?!

I just personally couldn’t watch other people having sex and find it a turn on, i’d be so embarrassed and weirded out. I love having sex with my partner but unfortunately being a mum of two little ones, i’m just simply not in the mood the vast majority of the time.

Maybe you are right, I might have to just cut him some slack. I also might have to make a bit more of an effort…. goes off to shave legs 🤣

I think OP you are perfectly justified in feeling the way you do about porn.

Quite often threads like this attract the "ALL men watch porn", "I'm a woman and I watch porn ", " there is nothing wrong with porn" posters. Just because that is their view it doesn't make it automatically right. It is not a representative sample.

You are perfectly justified in not wanting porn in your relationship. Obviously you cannot stop your DH watching porn if that's what he wants to do. But you should talk to him about how you feel. You at least can give him the opportunity to take your feelings into account. Perhaps he might care enough about you and your relationship to stop watching it.
Watching porn is not compulsory for men.

Coshei · 19/04/2024 15:31

I’m always perplexed by these threads and the audacity of posters who think that they can control what their partner watches.
Fair enough if it takes on dimensions where the habit affects a relationship dynamic, but the reactions to some private porn watching are insane here. But I think many posters here are hypocrites anyway.

BristolBloke · 19/04/2024 15:34

Whoareye · 19/04/2024 15:19

I think OP you are perfectly justified in feeling the way you do about porn.

Quite often threads like this attract the "ALL men watch porn", "I'm a woman and I watch porn ", " there is nothing wrong with porn" posters. Just because that is their view it doesn't make it automatically right. It is not a representative sample.

You are perfectly justified in not wanting porn in your relationship. Obviously you cannot stop your DH watching porn if that's what he wants to do. But you should talk to him about how you feel. You at least can give him the opportunity to take your feelings into account. Perhaps he might care enough about you and your relationship to stop watching it.
Watching porn is not compulsory for men.

Show quote history

Or, perhaps the OP might care enough about her DH to ignore it?

LlynTegid · 19/04/2024 15:40

You are right to be upset. Even if he was a single man, he is supporting an industry (if that is a valid term for it) that exploits young women and normalises behaviour that leads to abuse of other women.

LifeExperience · 19/04/2024 15:42

Ffs, not all men watch porn! Some have standards for their behavior and can control themselves. And women giving them a pass because they somehow need it is why there are so few good men around these days.

OP, he is getting sexual satisfaction from another woman--the very definition of cheating. Proceed accordingly.

Whoareye · 19/04/2024 15:46

BristolBloke · 19/04/2024 15:34

Or, perhaps the OP might care enough about her DH to ignore it?

Show quote history

Well that begs the question Whose feelings and rights in the relationship are more important? You expect OP to ignore something that upsets her so you are assuming her feelings are subservient to his.
If they are in a relationship then surely the obvious thing is to have a discussion about it. If you can't have a discussion then it isn't really an equal relationship.
Obviously OP can't stop him watching porn but to say she can't even talk to him about it takes away her equality.

BristolBloke · 19/04/2024 15:47

LifeExperience · 19/04/2024 15:42

Ffs, not all men watch porn! Some have standards for their behavior and can control themselves. And women giving them a pass because they somehow need it is why there are so few good men around these days.

OP, he is getting sexual satisfaction from another woman--the very definition of cheating. Proceed accordingly.

What a load of bollocks! 😂

justasking111 · 19/04/2024 15:52

I'm old so it was magazines back then. My enterprising son found a stash fly tipped in the village, sold them to lads at school. £1 a page.

BristolBloke · 19/04/2024 15:52

Whoareye · 19/04/2024 15:46

Well that begs the question Whose feelings and rights in the relationship are more important? You expect OP to ignore something that upsets her so you are assuming her feelings are subservient to his.
If they are in a relationship then surely the obvious thing is to have a discussion about it. If you can't have a discussion then it isn't really an equal relationship.
Obviously OP can't stop him watching porn but to say she can't even talk to him about it takes away her equality.

Show quote history

Of course they can have a discussion about it. It boils down to the fact that the OP doesn't want sex but her DH does. It seems like the DH rightly doesn't demand sex and he isn't having an affair either, so if he chooses to watch porn instead then so be it.

Or do you think the feelings of the DH shouldn't be taken into account?

justasking111 · 19/04/2024 15:54

There are women on here year after year who read books, watch porn, buy love honey merchandise. No-one blinks

Whoareye · 19/04/2024 15:55

BristolBloke · 19/04/2024 15:52

Of course they can have a discussion about it. It boils down to the fact that the OP doesn't want sex but her DH does. It seems like the DH rightly doesn't demand sex and he isn't having an affair either, so if he chooses to watch porn instead then so be it.

Or do you think the feelings of the DH shouldn't be taken into account?

Show quote history

Oh so you are now saying they can have a discussion? Your previous comment was that OP should just ignore it and let him get on with it.