My house gets disgusting and it's embarrassing for my kids

[keenunkempt]

I feel really down because my kids are getting older now and are starting to notice how messy and disgusting our house gets. The worst thing is it's a really nice, newly built house. It's decorated really nicely. If I could keep it tidy it's a gorgeous home for them to grow up in and the last thing they'd need to feel is embarrassed but I just can't seem to do it. I read these posts from people saying they grew up in a messy home and now have the tidiest houses ever, but I'm the opposite, I too grew up in a very messy dirty home and I seem to be replicating it entirely for my kids. I will spend a whole day getting it perfect and it just doesn't last a day. I think I'm just a total slob. I want to be a better mum but can't seem to pull myself together. I don't keep on top of their washing so they have nice clean clothes, I don't keep the house tidy, I don't remember to get things out the cupboard or fridge before they go mouldy, I don't remember to charge their nightlights or put new batteries in their toys so they just stop using them. I want to be a better mum than this and have these moments of achievement but always end up back here. How do I sort myself out?

If you have money spend it on a weekly cleaner to do big jobs such as floors and bathroom.

Ask your friend / family to help you declutter for one weekend. Go to the tip / charity shop on the Sunday afternoon with the excess shite. Sooooo much easier with someone else there. Blast some good music and have a nice take away as a reward. I’d happily do this for a friend/ family and would find it oddly satisfying!

You, your kids and your OH all spend 1/2 hour per day together cleaning and tidying. Non-negotiable. Set a timer. Blast some feel good music and you all muck in together doing whatever is needed.

Stick a load of laundry on each day. Fold and put away dry clothes off an airer / out the dryer each day.

Recipe for success.

Amen to that.

( though never gonna happen in this family …)

I also recommend you checking out A Slob Comes Clean on YouTube. Dana really gets it and there is something very warm and down to earth about her.

The main thing is decluttering. If you have too much stuff, it's always going to be fighting a losing battle. I have two DDs and we just seem to accumulate clutter. I started with choosing 10 things every day to throw away or drop off to the charity shop. Little and often is the key, if you do a huge decluttering session you can be left with an overwhelming amount of stuff that you then need to do something with. One bag of things you have decluttered is easy to take to the charity shop, or it fits in the bin. I don't bother selling things on, the focus is getting stuff out of the house as quickly as possible.

If you can hire a cleaner to do a deep clean for you, that will get you into a good starting place. If you can't, then dedicate a day to it and get things clean. After that, it's a case of keeping on top of it.

For me, I really hate cleaning and housework. But I realised I was letting it pile up into a big job as I was putting it off. A little bit every day has genuinely transformed how I feel about cleaning as it's never a whole-day job so it doesn't get overwhelming.

Things that have helped me are:

Having a routine and setting myself recurring tasks in my phone calendar that I then tick off.

Every evening the kitchen surfaces and dining table get wiped down, the dishwasher is put on after dinner and a load of laundry is put on. You can put it on a delay timer to be clean by the morning but I just get it on a wash and leave it til the morning as I don't like appliances running when we're all asleep. While I'm doing this, DDs tidy the living room to make sure all their toys are put away (they are 7 and 4 so they're capable of helping out and know for example that dirty clothes go in the laundry basket and not on the floor).

Every morning I empty the dishwasher while I'm waiting for my coffee to brew, make the beds and either put the washing in the tumble dryer or hang it out to dry. Sorting one load of laundry a day means it's never a huge job.... it's just folding and putting away one basket of items.

Then I have tasks set in my phone so I do a minimum of one job a day e.g.

Mondays I change the beds
Tuesdays I hoover and mop all the floors
Wednesdays I empty all the bins
Thursdays I declutter one area
Fridays I dust everywhere
Saturdays I clean the kitchen
Sundays I clean the bathroom

I also have taks set in my phone that recur monthly, or every few months e.g cleaning windows, cleaning fridge and oven, washing the car, running a cleaning cycle on the dishwasher and washing machine etc.

Basically everything is automated onto lists that I then tick off. It helps keep me on track and gives me a sense of accomplishment ticking things off.

But the main things are really decluttering, making sure everyone including children help out and doing a bit every day.

You’re being harsh on yourself.
First, declutter. Anything not used, worn, liked goes.
Next tackle one thing at a time. eg Fridge — plastic trays or baskets. One for jars, one for dairy etc… each day take out one basket bin anything out of date.
Separate clothes into winter and summer. I use those long plastic boxes with lids that go under the bed. Any winter clothes I’ve not worn this year have been washed and donated.
I whizz the hoover round last thing at night and wash the floors - takes less than 10 minutes to do the ground floor of my small house. A cordless vacuum is so quick to use.
Teach kids to spray and wipe bathroom after use when they’re old enough.

My house is no show home but lack of clutter makes it look cleaner and it’s quicker to clean.

The Organised Mum guided cleans.

They have transformed my house. There is so many different ones that I use.

Even doing the 5 minute blitz ones makes a difference.

I use alexa to set reminders. Put it on and just do what she says. I don't have to think I just do.

I do the put the house to sleep one every night. 5 min kitchen living room tidy. Then think of what I need to do the next day.

I can get overwhelmed with cleaning and tidying. Big house, 5 people, it feels too much if I think of it as a whole. I need simple...I have too much going on in my life and my mind to try and stick to cleaning lists or changing daily routines. I read this on here once years ago and picked it up. I do:

• Dishes
• Laundry
• Bins
• Floors

That's all I focus on daily (weekly on bad weeks!) It keeps the house ticking over nicely with minimum stress.

If you doubt whether this would work or be enough, and your house isn't as tidy or clean as you'd like it just look around you right now. Imagine any visible clean or dirty laundry gone, same with dishes and rubbish or recycling, and every floor space completely clear and spotless.

It works and if these 4 are focused on, the rest kind of slots in but without driving yourself mad with stress. I tend to naturally wipe the kitchen surfaces when I do my 'dishes' part and because I need every floor completely clear and clean I naturally end up tidying - but without it feeling like a job.

I was similar. It turns out I have ADHD. Now I'm on meds it really helps.

Im naturally very neat and clean but lived with grubs. If your children are old enough then they can have responsibilities for tidying their rooms , charging night lights etc . Don’t be too hard on yourself , it’s not a one way street

I find that squegeeing keeps the limescale at bay on its own, tbh, although that maybe down to my excellent squeegee skills, acquired thanks to a BF from 40 years back who had a window cleaning company! Every week or two, Aldi glass cleaner and an old-school linen scrim gets it gleaming.

When I had the bathroom refitted, I had matt tiles rather than glossy ones, so they don't show water marks. And my bathroom is easy to clean because I had the basin set into a big cupboard with drawers, so there's loads of storage and no clutter. If the rest of the house was as uncluttered as my bathroom, it'd probably be a lot cleaner.

I find decluttering really hard. It's a bit like doing a Rubik cube: I have to work out where to start, and create a bit of space there, then sort through the next bit, and find somewhere to keep what can't be ditched, ad infinitum. Just working out where to start is bloody exhausting. And then on a day like today, the garden will have to take priority because it's actually dry.

I think the tendency to be a bit of a hoarder is hereditary, tbh. The stuff I found when I cleared out my late parents' house was unbelievable: dad's payslips going back to the 1950s, all my school reports, really ancient cookery books, and the overcoat he bought when he started commuting to London in 1965, complete with a couple of bus tickets in the pockets, still there in 2010.

They moved house in 1983, and took all that old crap with them, loads of it never unpacked.

Make a list of everything that needs to be done in a week, put it on the noticeboard and do abit each day. Small chunks. Honestly, a list helps so much as a visual reminder and ticking things off feels good.

Depending on work hours, you could try and do a room a day and then keep on top of the quick smaller stuff aswell everyday. The bathroom takes 10 mins to wipe over for a daily clean (I do that every day) and I do a big clean of all bathrooms once a week on my day off. Run the hoover around after dinner and quick mop if the floor needs it.

Dont let folding washing/ironing build up. Do it straight after it comes off the line/out the dryer. Its so much easier to iron or fold a small amount than have a huge pile in front of you. Lots of things you can get away without ironing, so I only iron what looks creased.

Good storage is everything - a house will look a million times better if its not cluttered and far easier to clean. Make a list of where storage is a problem, what kind of furniture is needed and take a trip to IKEA.

Take a chill pill. Relax and enjoy your kids company. Get all the toys out. Do all the jigsaws on the floor. Have a cuddle and read a book with them. Other people with tidy houses ignore their kids or can afford a cleaner. Happiest years of my life were when my house was a mess and the kids were cute and fun. Its up to YOU what you can tolerate and how much time you want to dedicate to tidying.
I prioritised my kids and fitness over a tidy house and have no regrets. Kids are now grown. My house is now tidy and I am not overweight. Women are led to believe we can have it all. We simply cannot do everything. Work/kid/ laundry tidy house/ social life/ keep relationship going. We all have to choose what to put at the top of list. We will burn out doing it all. Don't stress and ignore the clean freaks. Smile and enjoys the kids company. It is priceless

“Flies with their arses on fire” and cupboard full of All The Crap sounds somewhat familiar 😇

You don’t have to be a ‘clean freak’ to have a basic level of cleanliness and tidiness in your home.
Our house was a mess growing up and I hated it. I was embarrassed to bring friends home. I kept my own room spotless because the rest of the house was such a tip. I always said I wouldn’t do that to my own children. I don’t spend all my time cleaning instead of playing with my kids, because the whole household contributes so it’s done quicker.

You can have both - I properly clean on my days off whilst the kids are in school. In the holidays, I clean when the kids are busy playing or out with DH/friends. No child needs a parent hovering over them 24/7 - thats really not healthy. A 2 year old is very happy playing by themselves whilst you get a few jobs done around the house. Her kids are older so she’s not going to be playing jigsaws on the floor with them and she’s asking for help with a cleaning routine.

Having a dirty home isn’t a sign you’re a better parent than anyone else - its a sign of not staying on top of basic things. I think we should be helping with suggestions of how to help the OP do this.

I love using timers when I have no motivation. 10 minutes in each room really makes a difference.

Declutter and read Marie Kondo books.

My sympathies and solidarity, OP. My place is clean but cluttered (we need to work on that!). I'm a single parent and work FT. We have 4 cats. Luckily, I have a system in place for making sure the basics are done (and my DC are 10 and 17, so more than old enough to chip in). I will read the Dana White books as they sound good.

I find that doing stuff as you go along helps. So: making bed first thing, house aired out first thing (windows open while we get ourselves up and ready); making sure dishes are done after each meal; stacking/unstacking dishwasher ASAP; laundry washed as soon as there is enough for a load, hung out/put in tumble drier as soon as load is washed, folded/put away as soon as dry. Towels done weekly. Bedlinen done fortnightly (as soon as bed is stripped, we re-do them whilst used bedlinen is being washed). Kitchen and bathroom cleaned as we go along (after each shower/bath, this is cleaned/wiped down), kitchen cleaned after use. I bought a robovac for downstairs 3yrs ago, and it's amazing! Last year, I bought one for upstairs that also has a mop function. I set them to do the floors everyday (early hours). Cordless vacuum cleaner to give the place a quick blast once a week. I don't iron clothes (well rarely). I have a shopping bag in each bedroom that is used for rubbish. The cats have automatic litter trays.

The other year, I bought a Kallax unit (with the storage cube inserts) for upstairs hallway. We use these for shoe storage, pet stuff storage, and there is a drawer for instruction manuals and batteries). That has helped a huge amount. We just have to sort/declutter the rest of the bloody place now!! Also, FWIW, don't beat yourself up too much. I did for ages. Start with little things: laundry, kitchen, bathroom. If you are overwhelmed with the laundry, and it's practical, take the lot to a laundrette to get it all done and dry in one go, and then keep on top of it (do a wash as soon as there is enough for one load - easier to manage). Wishing you all the best (and thanking PP for the links to the Dana White stuff!!) x

The only way to have a constantly clean and tidy home is to not sit down until it’s clean and tidy.

once everything has a place, if it’s out of place put it back.

I enlist the kids to run around the house and return to the right rooms and they’re expected to clear their floors and sides.

it’s not easy, our house isn’t always clean and tidy but i have a low tolerance for mess. Every day or other day I’ll tidy and clean anything obviously dirty. Keeping it tidy makes cleaning much much faster.

DH is much messier and dirtier, would only wipe down the kitchen once a day rather than after breakfast and lunch too. Drives me a bit mad but I also drive him mad with tidying stuff!

One thing I do religiously every day is washing. That's one thing that I have picked up from my mum.

My 12 year old is disabled and if we do nt pay attention to what he is doing he wears the last days clothes to school and we get emails home saying he is dirty. That's totally humiliating for him and us.

If nothing else you put a wash on daily and your OH can get it out and fold it. Then one of you drys it, the other puts it away.

Checking ds dirty clothes go in the laundry bin every night and clean clothes laid out for school is dhs job. I wash it.

Does your OH do half? Why haven't you mentioned him - is it because the expectation is that women do the shitwork?

IME that's the critical difference between sinking or swimming if you have organisation/motivation ADHD or ADHD-like issues.

Obviously that's also true if you don't have ADHD ...

1. Get your kids and anyone else who lives in the house to help.
2. Look online, lots of tips about how to keep on top of things.

I have ADHD and find mess just accumulates around me however hard I try. I get overwhelmed by stuff so have built myself little routines - never leave a room without moving 5 things, leave the kitchen bin lid open, waste bins strategically placed. It's also good to know I'm not alone and it's not that I'm lazy. I can do loads of things well that others struggle with, it's just a pity it's the one thing everyone is so judgemental about that is my downfall!

It got to the stage I dreaded my lovely gorgeous daughter coming home to visit (I'm crying writing this). It's awful and however many people say just declutter, it honestly isn't that easy.

This reminded me of something I was told when mine were babies which was don’t aim for a tidy house: you won’t remember a clean kitchen floor but you will remember and treasure all the times you ditched the ironing and went to the park for a sunny afternoon in the sandpit and a picnic, or the rainy morning when you built a block castle instead of changing the beds. I have always found this hard to follow BUT it’s absolutely true. I don’t regret any of the things I did when I skipped the chores and spent quality time - and my memory conveniently always remembers the house at its tidy, flowers-in-vases best! 🤣

What works for me is scheduling the cleaning for when I have the most energy, which for me is right after breakfast in the morning. I do half an hour of cleaning then and in that time I can usually unload and reload the dishwasher, put a wash on, clean the kitchen surfaces, empty the bin and take out the recycling. If I have time for anything else I'll do something like fold the clean clothes and put away, or clear off the dining room table of any papers etc and wash that down. But thats it - I do half an hour and stop. Then again in the early evening after tea I have a similar whip round and try and do the bits I couldn't get time for in the morning.

Give yourself permission to do just a bit at once - don't think of it as a massive overhelming task. If you don't have time to clean the whole bathroom then just clean the sink, replace the towels with clean ones and take out a few empty bottles of shampoo / empty toilet rolls. It'll improve the feel of the whole room just doing a bit of it. You can do a different part of each room each day. Doesn't have to be the whole room at once.

Have plenty of storage.

Some houses suit the cluttered look - it makes them look cosy, colourful and lived-in.

Some houses don't - I find that very modern houses or clinical newbuilds tend to look better with the minimalist look.

That's why I don't live in a newbuild. I don't want the burden of keeping it sparkling and tidy for it to look nice.

For the rest, short-cut hugely:

• There is no need ever to fold and put away laundry. If you're struggling, this shouldn't be a priority. Get a huge box, chuck all the clean laundry in there and just pick out what you and the kids need on a day-to-day basis.
• Cook once a week. I cook on a Sunday afternoon for the week ahead. I make a couple of curries or pasta dishes, a big casserole and prepare a shepherds' pie. This does us for Sunday, Monday, Tuesday nights and I just have to heat up what I've already made. Wednesday and Thursday are 'beige' food nights - chicken nuggets, fish fingers etc. Friday we eat freezer leftovers or make pizza. Saturday we often make pancakes/waffles or do breakfast food like eggs and bacon, and get a takeaway in the evening (or more freezer leftovers).
• Have a nice looking box downstairs which is the 'junk box'. All random stuff left lying around is chucked in the junk box and sorted at the end of the day. It's not the end of the world if you get to the end of the week without this being done.

The things I think really need to be done are:

• Lay out everyone's clothes the night before. I'm disorganised as hell but this really helps. We haven't been late for school/work since I started doing this.
• Put washing-machine and dishwasher on overnight. Get up early and hang out the washing and empty the dishwasher.
• KEEP, KEEP, KEEP ON TOP OF THE DISHWASHER. I find life is so much better if you're packing dirty plates straight into the dishwasher rather than leaving them on the side.