My house gets disgusting and it's embarrassing for my kids

[keenunkempt]

I feel really down because my kids are getting older now and are starting to notice how messy and disgusting our house gets. The worst thing is it's a really nice, newly built house. It's decorated really nicely. If I could keep it tidy it's a gorgeous home for them to grow up in and the last thing they'd need to feel is embarrassed but I just can't seem to do it. I read these posts from people saying they grew up in a messy home and now have the tidiest houses ever, but I'm the opposite, I too grew up in a very messy dirty home and I seem to be replicating it entirely for my kids. I will spend a whole day getting it perfect and it just doesn't last a day. I think I'm just a total slob. I want to be a better mum but can't seem to pull myself together. I don't keep on top of their washing so they have nice clean clothes, I don't keep the house tidy, I don't remember to get things out the cupboard or fridge before they go mouldy, I don't remember to charge their nightlights or put new batteries in their toys so they just stop using them. I want to be a better mum than this and have these moments of achievement but always end up back here. How do I sort myself out?

I'm pretty sure that you are the very same poster who's posting regularly about her messy house- every single time people wasting their time by replying and trying to help you with long messages.

Kids are primary and secondary and have never eaten anywhere in the house other than the table. When they were toddlers, hands were wiped before they left the table and we swept and hoovered straight after meals. Took a few minutes. When the weathers nice, out in the garden for Summer picnics saved on clear ups.

If we’ve been out all day and the kids come back covered in mud, straight in the bath. Shoes are off at the door as soon as they come in and they do that whoevers house they go to. They learn from an early age, so I never have to ask them now they are older.

I want my kids to respect the home we have worked so hard for and the homes they will have in the future. We always sat at tables for meals growing up and I do think we learn habits for life in childhood.

There will always be toys lying around with young kids in the day (thats normal) but smearing food over furniture, trailing mud through the house and drawing on furniture can easily be prevented with simple rules. Honestly, i’d be totally exhausted if I had that level of daily clear up.

I don’t know if you work or if you are a single mum but have a rota like others have said if you are a SAHM then why can’t you keep on top of it just doing little jobs every day makes the difference especially the washing I couldn’t not put a wash load on at least once a day you need to have a daily routine depending on the children’s ages they could have jobs too so for example when mine were younger about 5/6 year old they would have to bring their own washing down so Pjs on a morning and school uniform and anything else they had worn after school they would bring down before bed.

Start the rota small so you don’t overwhelm yourself maybe 3/4 jobs one of those been a wash load.

Unpopular opinion but it’s pure laziness. Spend half an hour or 15 mins a day picking things up and doing a chore.

Obviously if you have extra needs the above doesn’t apply but a cleaner would help in this case.

@Calliopespa
"unsympathetic to OP"?

Most peoples houses aren't magazine worthy. But if your house is so bad that teens are embarrassed, then there is a problem.

What's unsympathetic? Telling op to do daily basics to make it semi-reasonable. That's not unsympathetic.

She’s said she cleans all day but it’s still messy and you said very bluntly: “how?” To me that comes across as unsympathetic because it implies she’s either lying or completely ineffectual.

Everyone’s family is different, and I definitely know a few where the mum spends hours trailing after the mess the “ creatives” in the house all create. One had a scientist father and musician dcs and they were lovely but useless when it came to tidying up after themselves. The mum used to say just as well I’m not so gifted as the rest.

Not saying that’s OP’s situation but it’s quite possible to live in a family that generates constant mess for a variety of reasons. Op has posted because she’s ground down.

I think a really good tip is to leave something as you find it. Eg if you get sellotape out of a drawer to use it put it back in. Make sure your children do this too. Once you've got your house tidy then it should at least stay that way.

Why don't you get the kids involved? You could all do a room in a few minutes. Maybe a small treat for all afterwards.

Yeah I get this and like I say I’m cleaning up all time- constantly wiping and putting food back in the table!

however I think this a case in point where your kids are primary and secondary and that is a world away from 1 and 3. Of course your kids are beyond the hands-covered-in-weetabix-drawing-on-the-furniture-stage! And I can’t believe your house was neat as a pin when they were babies. But well done if it was, I would take my hat off to you.

Haha it’s not like they are doing this every day while I ‘let them’ that was just a random list of stuff little kids do including my own. Don’t worry (although thanks for worrying) - the sofa’s not going to stink as when this did happen recently, it got scrubbed immediately with upholstery cleaner, to my point about cleaning up after them all the bloody time!

is everyone on this thread seriously going to claim they live in such clean houses that their toddlers have never dared spill a cup of milk on anything?!?!

I'm not sure how old your kids are but maybe you can get them to help you out a bit? If they're young maybe just simple things like clearing their plates after dinner into the bin/tidying their rooms or keeping it tidy/even dusting around can be made fun for kids!

As for you, I can be EXACTLY the same to the point it throws me in a pit of depression. To keep on top of things I have a tick list on my phone. It has a sub list titled "housework" which has the weekly housework listed (and in a weekly automatic schedule), such as deep cleaning the bathroom, etc, and daily tasks list which reccur daily automatically, such as hoovering around, making the beds etc. I find it really helpful to do the daily tasks as soon as I get up - I set a timer on my phone for half an hour and just smash it all out and try to "beat the clock" and then I can tick it off the list and get on with my day. I hope this helps or you can find this useful in some way☺️
You're not failing, you just need a routine x

Well.. I honestly am finding this fascinating that other people with little kids (toddlers) don’t deal with mess or recognise the standard messes I am de sac robing and the need to constantly clean up.. that’s just part of parenthood right?!?!

so this morning my kids have been in and out of the garden as it’s a nice day and them being outside is important to me. I’ve been outside gardening too and and my husband has been in and out as he’s been fixing his bike. A couple of times the kids have been in with dirty shoes on to fetch things. When toddler ran in I fetched him out again and shut the door. Then 3yo when in and only took his shoes off when asked after he’d already been inside. So have just spent ten minutes sweeping dirt off the dining room floor (having swept the croissant crumbs and milks splashes off already after breakfast. I mean how do other people’s toddler not ever get dirt on the floors? Do they have magic shoes or something?!

As for weetabix they are not eating on the sofa (why on earth would you assume that?!?!) Has no one’s 1yo ever flung weetabix?! Has no one’s 3yo ever got down from the table with sticky hands? It seriously can’t just be mine.

I always thought constant cleaning was part of the job of raising little kids.. I’m surprised so many people have or did have such clean toddlers though, it’s amazing, like tiny little adults apparently

I wish I had a dining room big enough that it took 10 minutes to sweep to be honest 😂. Mine is swept in about 30 seconds

This is all good advice. I wasn’t really posting to get advice though, my husband and I are fine (well begrudgingly fine.. but fine) with managing all the cleaning until we can actually get a cleaner. I just think a lot of people posting are implying it’s easy when they are not in the thick of it w little kids.

yeah we eat as a family at the dining table.. in the dining room.. at mealtimes (despite mumsnet loving to assume the worst as soon as any kind of normal family messiness is mentioned)

Don't be so hard on yourself! Running a home and keeping it "perfect" is near impossible when you have kids. Mine is always a mess!! I work too and it's just impossible to stay on top of everything. I wash their clothes but they never ever ever make it to the wardrobe, we just have clothes everywhere, toys everwhere, it's exhausts me thinking about it. And yes we have food that goes mouldy in the fridge sometimes too!

Had 4 kids under 8. House was never dirty day after day. Maybe messy but not dirty. It’s pure laziness. Instead of sitting looking at the mess just tidy it.

We lived in a flat with our toddlers. So they got muddy at the park then stripped off when we got home. Going in and out of the garden would be more difficult.

My DS1 was fastidiously clean so never flung food.

DS2 was more mucky but contained in a high chair and the worst we had was wiping a bit of food off the curtain behind him (we then moved his high chair!).

Hands were always wiped at the table (muslins) them washed. So no sticky marks anywhere.

Pens and paints were never in reach. Unless being supervised.

I guess I was lucky that I didn't have toddlers who got into sudocream or whatever and made a mess. DS1 hated (and still hates) being dirty. He's still not keen on cooking that involves mixing things with his hands.

Just wondered as I never had food smeared into furniture with either kids or grandkids although plenty of other mess

I would make a list of the things you need to do on a weekly basis, even the basics like clear out fridge. I do this for work because I have a lot of tasks and I’m not task oriented. Honestly I put the most basic things like ‘reply to emails’ because I have a habit of opening and forgetting!

How old are your kids? When I was growing up we had chores from a young ages. Typically a Sunday morning would be dedicated to these. I’m one of 6 and my mum was a single parent so we all had to muck in. We did live in a lovely clean house but it wasn’t all down to my mum. I was ironing and helping with dinner at around 10/11. I did the same with my kids who are now adults as I was a
single mum too. You don’t say but if you have a partner then they need to pitch in to.

Do l love a clean house but there is more to life so don’t beat yourself up too much!

I think there are quite a lot of posters in these threads with grown up dcs. I just think memories are short: my mum definitely has different recollections of things from me. Apparently we never threw a tantrum as children. Never. Totally confused as to why I remember being on the kitchen floor kicking it from below and exhausted from sobbing because my ballon had popped and everyone laughed when I got out the sellotape. I think it’s part of human nature we often remember things the way we want to.

My three children are still young. Yes they’re messy. No, they’ve never smeared food over furniture.

My DH's DF is a hoarder. His DM, while she was alive, perpetuated his behaviour

He told me he stopped inviting friends over when he went to secondary school as he felt ashamed of his house. He left at 18 and has never really been back. Very sad.

OP if you can get this sorted, please do.

I am really house proud so it definately was always clean and tidy, but ofcourse toys spread everywhere in the day - I dont consider that ‘mess’ with young kids. The floor always had jigsaws, cars, duplo etc etc all over it in the day.

But i’ve always been strict about things that are preventable and save wrecking your home - food and drinks in the kitchen (simple solution to spills on the sofa), shoes off at the door (no mud in the house), wash hands when you come in and from toddlers, they have always had to pick up their toys and put them away every single night (with help from us).

A 3 year old can sit to draw at the table. If they cant be trusted with pencils/crayons left out, i’d pack them away when they are not using them sat down. They would be in trouble at nursery or pre school if they started drawing over furniture or the walls, so why is home any different? Only have crayons/pencils out if they show you they can be trusted with them and until that age, put them away.

I remember looking round our nursery and the kids had to wash up their little plates and cups after snack time and dry them up. Little habits learnt at such a young age really do stick with kids. Learning to respect your surroundings from a young age is so important. Its everyones job to keep the home nice.

Mine are still in school but older - they have never been allowed to leave the table without asking and its not a big thing, its just how they’ve been brought up. Wipe hands after meals, then you can leave. They still ask now before they leave the table and dont just get up after they finish. Its just politeness. As toddlers they knew they would always have their hands and face wiped so it becomes a routine.

I think what you can see from this thread is little routines and good habits actually save on time in the long run - ive never had to scrub food stains out of the carpet/sofa and we’ve got hard floors in the kitchen, so its a quick clear if theres ever a spill or mess.

Get a cleaner in .. this could motivate you and take one step at a time
you could be depressed too
hope you’re ok ?