My house gets disgusting and it's embarrassing for my kids

[keenunkempt]

I feel really down because my kids are getting older now and are starting to notice how messy and disgusting our house gets. The worst thing is it's a really nice, newly built house. It's decorated really nicely. If I could keep it tidy it's a gorgeous home for them to grow up in and the last thing they'd need to feel is embarrassed but I just can't seem to do it. I read these posts from people saying they grew up in a messy home and now have the tidiest houses ever, but I'm the opposite, I too grew up in a very messy dirty home and I seem to be replicating it entirely for my kids. I will spend a whole day getting it perfect and it just doesn't last a day. I think I'm just a total slob. I want to be a better mum but can't seem to pull myself together. I don't keep on top of their washing so they have nice clean clothes, I don't keep the house tidy, I don't remember to get things out the cupboard or fridge before they go mouldy, I don't remember to charge their nightlights or put new batteries in their toys so they just stop using them. I want to be a better mum than this and have these moments of achievement but always end up back here. How do I sort myself out?

Op you need to write it down- each thing that needs to be done- make a list of things for every day.

Haven't read the thread but try Clutterbug.

It categorizes people into 4 different lifestyles and gives tips on how to adapt. Most of us who struggle are actually on the ND spectrum somewhere and it the only one that accounts for that.

Butterfly = visual messy chaos
Ladybird = hidden messy chaos
Cricket = hidden organized perfectionism
Bee = visual organized perfectionism

Everyone is expected to be a Bee or a Cricket, thats what society says is 'right'... Ladybirds can usually fake it on the surface but most of us labled 'lazy' types are Butterflies which are almost always people with conditions like ADHD etc...

We aren't wrong, just 'different'. There a method under the madness.

I am chuckling a bit at some of the pp saying oh I just do x y z - implication it’s pretty easy - accompanied by the fact they’ve got older kids, teens or no kids in the house. I think it’s easy to forget just how absolutely filthy tiny children are, all the time! Im in the thick of it with a 1yo and a 3yo at the moment. The house is a pit. I clean constantly. As soon as I do anything, I turn my back and more blueberries are crushed back into it. They track mud and dirt everywhere, pour milk over furniture, wipe weetabix paste on the sofa. Draw on the chairs and pull plant pots off surfaces. It’s a constant losing battle, one step forward two steps back. As for clothes the 1yo goes through at least 3 outfits a day, so sometimes he’s clean but only for about 10 minutes after an outfit change..

I have resigned myself to chaos for the next couple of years. Not helped by the fact we are trying to renovate the house and we don’t really have proper storage furniture for anything and the surfaces like the floors are unfinished and very hard to clean properly. I’m too embarrassed to get a cleaner!! Maybe next year…

I love some of the tips given here and am going to try to implement / look up the no more slob woman who sounds great. But guess I just wanted to say don’t underestimate the chaos capacity of young kids and wonder how no more slob woman’s woman’s will stand up to a 1yo…

In my own experience, this is almost certainly not a matter of the state of the house, but rather of how you are feeling either emotionally or physically.
In those programmes you see on television,, it ALWAYS started after something happened; a death or other loss or shock.

If it were purely a practical problem, you would just sort it I think.
I would suggest you talk to someone outside your family and see what you end up saying to them. While you are only recognising the superficial issue, you are attacking yourself (calling yourself a total slob etc. when clearly you do care).
Find someone to talk to if you can. Wishing you well. xx

Sorry, don't know if I'm duplicating because I don't have time to read all the replies but I have an app called Tody which is amazing. I set up everything that needs doing in a room and the frequency, and it tells me when it's due. Not saying I'm always 100% in too of things but it helps a lot.

A tidy house doesn't make you a better mum - just get that right out of your head!! I think some people are just messy, my house is never tidy for more than a few hours, drives me mad but i'm not going to bust a gut to keep it tidy if nobody else will.

@Nichelette

is the app free?

Yes there is a free version that's perfectly good. I did pay for it (literally only app I've ever paid for 😅) so it would sync with my husband so we can share when we do bits.

I've got a 10 month old and 3 year old so it's chaos here too!

Hi OP, is it possible you’re being a little too hard on yourself? The perfect homes seen on social media are unlikely to be a reality for most. If your children are old enough to notice the house is untidy or unclean, then I’m sure they can start to help out a bit more 🙂 I can recommend the organised mum method. I take the bits that work for me and forget the rest. It’s an aim but doesn’t necessarily happen every week as it should, because, life! We are all doing our best.

Is there anywhere in the kitchen the children can eat? Do you have a separate dining room? Do they eat at a table? Because then it's MUCH easier to clear up and you can get big mats to put under chairs and highchairs if it has to be on carpet

Absolutely no wandering about with food. They soon get into the habit

Shoes came off at the door always and there was a good sized mat to wipe feet on

That would make far less for you to clean up

Sorry, just realised you're renovating.

But I stick to the only eating sitting down

Unless@keenunkempt comes back and tells us why she feels like she does, it's very difficult to offer constructive advice

She could be a hoarder or she could be OCD with cleanliness therefore a tiny infraction could really get her down.

I have been responsible for doing bloody everything since I became a single parent in my late 20's, raised the child, paid the bills, cooked, did laundry, did the garden (well back yard but I do grow stuff), organised repairs, worked all the time I am retired now and for some reason I am finding housework even more challenging and soul sapping, maybe because I am at home more and see all the things that need doing plus of course there is more mess and more washing up, but I find it so tedious and repetitive. If you put up a shelf, there it stays, if you dust the shelf, it will need dusting every few days. My last job in mental health did involve home visits and I did see the full gamut of home care from the immaculate through to ones that made me wish I could enter a sheep dip after leaving them! People have different standards, they have lots of other stuff happening that can get in the way of housework, some genuinely don't care. I am someone who cares but really hates doing it so it has always felt like a war with myself. I do try to stick to "little and often" and that works best for me. However in my heart of hearts I would love to never ever have to clean anything ever again!

I live in a house full of clutter, cobwebs an dust. I hoover about 3 times a week but only downstairs. As long as the toilet, sink, plates and cutlery and general lounging area are clean I don't care. My friends politely call me Bohemian but really they mean a messy slob...It really doesn't matter to me and my friends always seem happy to visit regardless as they are sure of a warm welcome, tea and chat....do what makes you happy

She doesnt ocd to me because it’s her children complaining so not all in her head.

I think she’s just a busy mum doing her best with lots going on. Some people are very wired to focus on domestic tasks so maybe did them it seems incredible. But lots of us find it mind-numbingly repetitive.

Build a routine. Each thing has a place and once it is taking form the place for use is back to it's place as soon as the task is completed.
You made a cuppa, milk out the fridge, milk in the fridge. Tea put the tea container, tea bag on the bin, tea container on the shelf, same with the sugar. Cup in the sink as you finish it.
Make a simple tea can make your worktop look a disaster if you don't return the stuff when it's belongs.

Keeps the things tidy is about routine to spend an extra 5-10 seconds to return, clean, put the clothes in the basket etc.
And of course, teach them to do it as well you can't be the only one creating the mess or tidying after them.

put on the side of the bath to be used up first any open bottles or tubes, bin anything out of date, deep clean the entire room, then move on. As bottles get used up they get binned and you don't buy any replacements until what's there is used

I did this about a year ago. But in addition to all the unopened or half full bottles of stuff in the bathroom, I found a selection of random bath and body sets accumulated over a couple of years in my bedroom and downstairs cupboards (work Secret Santa's, tombola prizes, birthday gifts from distant cousin etc).

What I found in bottles of dove bath and body wash I took out of various sets kept the whole household of 5 people going for about six months 😂

Dana k white is AMAZING (a slob comes clean) and her books / audiobooks are well worth buying. Also don’t underestimate how much physical work cleaning is .. I (finally) cleaned our tiny 2 bed flat and by the time I was done I had hit my 10k steps for the day. That’s like 4/5 miles!

I hear you op.

Get your family to help. Learn some tidying / cleaning techniques together and set a brief time each day to all chip in and work on it at the same time. People don’t learn to be clean and tidy without being shown/ taught what to do. And when they take part in the process they will be more invested in maintaining it.
Try a help site like Flylady to suggest routines and put the emphasis on Progress not perfectionism. Little and often works better than massive cleanup periodically.

It is possible. Everyone needs to be onboard though. We started on one room and kept it tidy for a month. Then we added another room. And we're working through it this way. They aren't instagram tidy but they are better because it's easier to tidy something up if it's the 'tidy' room. Just takes a little bit of effort and then it's not overwhelming. That and a robot hoover haha

Never leave a room without taking something with you. There is always something to go somewhere else. It won't help immediately but if you can have a good sort out it will help you maintain it.

What ages are the kids- give them small tasks! You're not responsible for all of it. I'm disabled with arthritis for a long time. Make a list of priorities, ie I do a small load of washing daily, just me at home now. I'm 76. Make food list, get shopping online if overwhelmed. Daily tasks need to be clean up kitchen, dishes, and bathroom. Tidy living room, make beds.But other rooms, do a little at a time. Yes declutter if you can. x

easier to do a small load daily and dry,don't leave all to one day@

Hi @keenunkempt - when it comes down to the basics, if your home inventory is too big, it means you cannot possibly manage it. Therefore the only answer is (along with getting your family to help with chores) to declutter and don’t bring stuff back in that doesn’t need to be there.

Decide one room at a time how many of each thing in that room you need. Plates, spoons, bowls, serving dishes, mugs, tea towels, glasses etc. Work out realistically how many you need of everything in your home and get rid of everything else. How many vases for flowers - do you really need 6 vases? No? Chuck 4 away. And so it goes on - until your home is slimmed down and has an easy to manage inventory.

When it comes to clothes, EVERYTHING in your wardrobes should be an option TODAY. Don’t keep stuff that is too big or too small. Yes you’ve spent money but starting today, get rid of the stuff that doesn’t fit you today.
On e you’ve done that, EVERYTHING becomes an option.

If your inventory ever starts running away with you again, stop buying stuff you don’t need and have another sort out. With kids growing all the time, make sure to manage out their toys, games and clothes that are no longer being used/needed.

Above all…..check out ‘The Minimal Mom’ on YouTube. Dawn really inspired me to change the way we live. She has 4 kids and a beautiful, tidy and well managed home.

I’ve recently been feeling similarly. It just felt like I spent too much time cleaning the kitchen and living room when the wee one was finally in bed that I never got on top of anywhere else or the mess. So I’ve spent the last few weeks gutting everything, lots of late nights and stress but I went by the saying “if it doesn’t have a home, it doesn’t belong in this home” got rid of and sold stuff, cleaned everywhere and then hired a cleaner.

I appreciate this is a super privileged thing to do and I’ve never done it before but I’m cutting back elsewhere to have them come in one a week just to do a general clean but more importantly keep us accountable and force us to have a tidy home.