Back Story :
DH suffered a massive MH break down and it became untenable for him to continue living at home with the DC.
He moves in with his family, 3.5 hours away. I maintain contact, between DH and the DC, driving the 7 hour round trip.
After some time, due to safeguarding issues, additional measure need to be put in place during contact. DH / his family refuse any additional measure so I am unable to continue with contact.
DH , with support from his family to navigate the complex processes , divorces me , remarries and moves 8 hours away. The DC are not given his phone number / address. At this point DC are 15,13,11,9
Over the course of the next decade EX-DH texts maybe 5 times to the DC. Each time this ends when the DC ask questions DH doesn’t like and he became very verbally aggressive.
Very sadly DH died in a tragic medical incident last month. We were informed via a third party. DC are now aged 25,23,221,19. He was at the time still suffering from significance mental / physical issues and required support.
His widow sent a very distressing text to my DD saying, amongst other things, “ Your mother wouldn’t let him see his kids”, “He spoke of his kids every night and every morning for 10 years, he loved you all dearly”.
I realise that grief can make people say / do some very strange things and that must always be taken into account.
But , before his passing, in 10 years I was never contacted by EX-DH or his wife. There was never an approach for mediation or a court process started to set up contact arrangements.
It is convenient, for their narrative, for me to be labelled the “bitter, twisted” ex who has “kept his kids from him”. But If someone I loved , who had significance mental / physical issues and needed support, told me every day for a decade what they longed for I would move heaven and earth to help them.
How would you feel if this were your family / DC ?