DP going abroad for football trip when I’m 34 weeks pregnant

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I posted in AIBU back in November regarding DP going to Germany to watch Scotland in the euros when I’ll be 35 weeks pregnant.

At the time, I felt pretty chilled out about it as the likelihood of baby coming early was slim. That was also the general consensus on the thread (https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4948557-would-you-be-ok-with-dp-going-on-football-trip-when-34-weeks-pregnant?page=1)

Since then, my NHS due date puts me at 35 weeks when he will be away and it’s been discovered that I have placenta previa and am therefore high risk. I’ve recently had a hospital stay due to a bleed and the consultant pretty much said it’s only a matter of time before I may bleed again and need another hospital stay. They said depending on how many bleeds I go on to have, I may need to stay in hospital until baby comes and baby may need to come much earlier.

They also said that my C Section will be at 37 weeks provided I don’t have a large bleed requiring a section before then. DP returns when I’m 36 weeks (he’s away for a week) and now I’m just a bit worried.

My main concerns are that I’ll have a big bleed and he won’t be there to take me to hospital, I’ll be admitted to hospital and he won’t be here to visit me and obviously that he could miss the birth of his baby and me having to go through the c section alone.

He seems completely unphased by this and assures me that he will get the first flight home should anything happen… just looking for some advice please!

Unfortunate timing, but he absolutely should cancel........and so should his friends to show support...........................can you send the match tickets to us as ds(20) has booked to go to Germany with 3 friends and the ones they were hoping for have fallen through! 😉

Hope all goes well!

@CaterhamReconstituted do you understand the condition that the OP had and how quickly it can become an emergency and dangerous for both mum and baby. This isn’t just a risk that mum may go into labour a bit early but the man will have time to watch the all important football match first and then bumble about getting an early flight home, all in time to watch his baby being born.

Football can be important but I think the life of his wife and baby maybe slightly more important

@CaterhamReconstituted do you understand the condition that the OP had and how quickly it can become an emergency and dangerous for both mum and baby. This isn’t just a risk that mum may go into labour a bit early but the man will have time to watch the all important football match first and then bumble about getting an early flight home, all in time to watch his baby being born.

Football can be important but I think the life of his wife and baby maybe slightly more important

@CaterhamReconstituted do you understand the condition that the OP had and how quickly it can become an emergency and dangerous for both mum and baby. This isn’t just a risk that mum may go into labour a bit early but the man will have time to watch the all important football match first and then bumble about getting an early flight home, all in time to watch his baby being born.

Football can be important but I think the life of his wife and baby maybe slightly more important

Just absolutely astonished by the people championing for this man in this thread.

It is just a game he could watch on tv. There could be catastrophic physical consequences if he goes.

How could there be catastrophic consequences if he goes? If OP has a bleed that requires a hospital visit then how does the presence of the man affect it? How does him going to football affect the risk in any way? Surely you just phone an ambulance. If that happens, she could just phone him and tell him she’s been admitted to hospital.

Watching a game on TV is a different experience to watching a live game. It sounds like an important match, maybe once-in- a-lifetime (Scotland have only qualified for the Euros three times ever).

It would be a nice thing if he stayed to see how she is but that doesn’t mean he’s terrible if he goes.

@CaterhamReconstituted I would urgently need to get to hospital and whilst I could call 999 and request an ambulance but it will take some time to reach me. If my partner was here I would already either be at or close to the hospital in the time the ambulance would have arrived (even if it only took 10 mins to arrive). If I was home alone and didn’t have access to my phone for whatever reason and couldn’t phone an ambulance me and the baby could die.

Theres also the thought of being in hospital on my own, hemorrhaging and having an emergency c section without him there that is very scary

If my and baby’s life is at risk and I’d have to phone an ambulance, it would make a big difference for me to have DH at my side.

If my and baby’s life is at risk and I’d have to phone an ambulance, it would make a big difference for me to have DH at my side.

It’s a an extremely serious condition.

@CaterhamReconstituted Which bit of - this is a potentially life threatening condition that requires immediate medical attention - do you not get?

"just phone an ambulance" Have you been living under a rock for the last few years and not realise that there are often no ambulances available, even for category 1 patients.

How is the OP, bleeding heavily, alone, possibly unable to reach her phone supposed to summon help?

But yeah let the man go to the footie.

Isn’t this the place for medical advice? If a professional advises that your partner should be around at this time to manage a medical risk then that is strong advice that should be followed.

If it’s just because you don’t really want him to go, because you think he “should” be there, then that’s different - and it wouldn’t be unreasonable for him to go to his football match.

(You're not being unreasonable in the first instance). Now, if I was you I would be looking for a good good friend/ sibiling/ close family member to be your birthing partner and the first person you ring to take you to the hospital. Whether DP is in this country or not. If he doesn't prioritise you and baby now he never is and I urge you to start putting yourself and your baby's needs first and him secondary.

You shouldn't have to ask for DP for the bare minimum of being there for you whilst you are creating life & your family. I'm so sorry you are going through this!

This British attitude towards football just shocks me with its misogynistic contempt for female labour and the life of the baby.

@pikkumyy77 has it. I've lived in three countries and travelled in several more, countries that LOVE sports (think Netherlands or Italy). You could argue they love them more than the Brits. But it only seems to be in the UK that men have this strange idea that football trumps life. It's more important than their families, wives, children. It only doesn't trump friends because their friends are equally idiotic. The neglect I see of their families because 'football' is shocking.

So much importance has been invested in football when it is just a random selection of obscenely rich men chasing a ball around some grass. It's not warfare, it's not patriotic, it's not meaningful.

OP, I would have someone explain your condition to DH. But I wouldn't be begging. I'd be saying, "you know I have a life-threatening condition which I have because I'm bringing our child into the world. If you believe football is more important, I will know that forever. Not for the duration of the pregnancy or the birth, but forever".

I think the OP is way beyond the 'not wanting him to go' see the previous thread. This is about the fact that someone with placenta praevia at 33 weeks should not be left alone. They could die and quickly if she haemorrhages alone, in the event that she was admitted its likely that her dh would barely have time to call a taxi before the baby was delivered , they are not going to risk the baby or the mothers life until he returns. This is the sort of condition where the consequences could be life altering (see the poster above who needed an emergency hysterectomy) and where where speed is of the essence .

OP I am sure that your dh just doesn't realise the seriousness of the situation, hopefully by then he will be on board. If he does go please make sure that you have someone staying with you, you sound like you have a great medical team who will be taking care of you so do try not to worry .

Is he a complete idiot? Couldn't he Google the consequences of this? Honestly, he sounds absolutely useless. That is potentially such a dangerous condition for you and he thinks he can go off and leave you to it?

And he'll reconsider if you have another bleed? FFS he really is a piece of work.

I gave my husband the jist of your thread, OP. I asked him what he would do and replaced football with a F1 race in Europe.

His response "as much as it would be an absolute kicker having to cancel something I've always wanted to do, it would be a no brainier to stay at home given how risky the pregnancy is. I'd never be able to forgive myself if something happened whilst I was away"

He said if he was being stubborn, it would be the consultant telling him the risks that would make him stop in his tracks, so definitely ask your consultant to highlight all the risks to your partner.

Having read more about the risks of your condition, if he went I’d start the divorce proceedings. A husband who makes choices that significantly risk your life is not a husband.

@CaterhamReconstituted would you much rather be in a football stadium whilst your partner was potentially haemorrhaging dangerously at home on their own, as you aren’t medically trained and wouldn’t be able to stop the bleeding or save the baby?

No, I don't either.
Another football t*at.

The Former is correct I would have thought any way?

The latter is a relationship. Your pregnant partner has a condition that threatens her life and the life of your unborn child and needs your support.

I’m married to an obsessive football fan, but even he wouldn’t have gone away when I was 35 weeks into a high risk pregnancy.

He absolutely must cancel.

No of course not. Only a medical professional can advise on the risk of that happening, and decisions should be made with that advice in mind. But often (perhaps not in this case) you see a “worse case scenario-ing” for the purposes of getting a man to stay because you don’t want him to go anyway. I’ve also noted on this thread the snobbish comments about football. Maybe he doesn’t quite appreciate how serious the condition is? I reckon that is more likely than that he’s a terrible person.