Adoption shower ideas

[CraftyC]

I have offered to host an adoption shower for my best friend. They have been going through the UK adoption system for nearly 2 years and will be taking a 1 year old girl home mid May. The mum to be knows about the shower and is incredibly excited.

However all the ideas for games I have seen are pregnancy related. Does anyone have any ideas what games/activities I can do with the 15 guests in my house that doesn't mention pregnancy? Any other tips for hosting this shower to make it special for her?

Thanks

Calling human beings "damaged" is horribly offensive.

And yes kids want to know they were celebrated. Of course we do. Why would that be offensive? Do we need to think about adoption trauma everyday?

It is not heroic to adopt.

I'm adopted because I needed a mom, and my mom needed a baby.

I adopted because my son needed a mom, and I needed a baby. .

😂

I know a lot about adoption from both sides of the coin and this is ridiculous. There are good and bad parents, birth and adoptive, but a good adoptive parent is a mother or father to that child come what may. I’ve never heard an adopted child say otherwise.

It’s a baby who will be adjusting to the loss of a foster setting and to life with her new family, and to a lot of change, even with her adoptive parents trying to minimise disruption — adopters are advised to promote attachment and minimise stress by seeing very few people from outside the household initially. A party after placement wouldn’t be appropriate. (I know the OP isn’t doing this, just FYI.)

This isn't about adoption. It's about an adoption party before the child arrives to show the mother she is supported and loved

It’s a baby shower, of course it’s happening before the baby arrives. Are you being deliberately unpleasant?

How about one of those pottery sessions OP? If you want the to take the lazy route.. but your OP and her new daughter could have an entire set of crockery decorated as a celebration of her daughter’s arrival which would be nice.

You could chuck in a few games along the way.

This child will have a name, preserving this is very important for adopted people. She will not be naming this child ( I hope).

Yeah. I know. What’s your point?

It depends to be honest

Most adoptions are very young children, people dont want to adopt older children so offers start tailing off for 5 and upwards children, although we do still have those ages adopted

For baby adoptions the child may either never have been in parents care or have been in their care in a parent and child facility where their care has been supervised and monitored

For slightly older children, 18mths/2/3ish, it depends when they have been removed. They may well have been removed on a single issue incident, or they might have been removed after 18mths or 2 years of utter neglect/DV/abuse

They might have been the child that had the good care but proceedings commenced with older children, with the conclusion that the younger child will soon be exposed to the same poor care as they get older and so the prognosis of significant harm is there and the LA is issued with a care and placement order for adoption.

But, whether or not there has already been significant damage via poor parenting, the child will always have suffered loss, disruption, instability by the very nature of the process, its unavoidable and that damage needs to be supported by the parenting they receive while in foster care but also later with adoptive parents.

Which is why, even from a baby upwards, their worlds must be very very small and still after transition and placement and big 'do's' with them included are not advisable.

That sounds lovely. I wouldn't describe it as a shower.

We adopted and It’s a lovely idea and you sound like a wonderful friend.Ignore all the horrible posts. Maybe ask on the adoption board where I’m sure you will get some great advice.

Talking about baby names is inappropriate IMO.

Why do you keep calling them adopters?

And why would them meeting the birth parents matter?

OP is throwing a baby shower. End of story.

To all the misery guts out there, watch the last episode of Stacey Dooley Sort Your Life Out, a lovely couple with two adopted children now adults.
Op, you are a lovely friend sorry I can't give you ideas I have never been to a baby shower!

I'm an adoptive parent.

Whilst I personally would have hated the idea of an adoption/ baby shower, I did have a last night out with my friends.

It's important to adoptive parents that their family and friends recognise the journey to parenthood and the arrival of a new member of the family.
If this new mum wants a shower she should have one.

Oh so you ARE being deliberately unpleasant and have an axe to grind to boot?

Take it somewhere else. And no, most adoptions don’t fail - that is a nonsense statistic, especially nonsensical for a one year old.

Op you are absolutely doing the right thing for your friend. She has every right to celebrate 🥳 becoming a mum and having a special little person in her life.

I've no real ideas for the baby shower only been to one 13 years ago.

I think the toddler photo vs adult is a good game though.
The child may or may not come with lots of clothes and toys but it will still be nice for the mum to have new things for her child.

Not all babies have appropriate name.

Ds's was heartbreaking, and my name was a number.

Christ. People will get offended about anything.

Ok op, if you think that question is offensive (to ask about most popular baby names the year the child was born), maybe mix it up and ask about the most popular baby names the year the mum was born, or the decade/nearest year as i don’t believe names were recorded every year)

It depends on the individiual and SS will guide them, mosr people I know have just added their surname to the end. Some people like us have a child who hadn’t actually been named, adopted children deserve a name as well.

Because they're adopting, so they are adopters arent they?

Im asking about the birth parent meeting because then it would be clearer where in the process they are, OP saying that 'before the child arrives but after it being legally ratified' doesnt make sense

A child is placed following an placement order, then after placement an adoption order is made, so it didnt make sense to me, where is this child at the moment?

It is also the case that adopters who have high expectations of having celebrations and parties etc set a tone for themselves that its all happy clappy and when the inevitable turbulance arrives are unsettled by this, it causes placement fragility.

Keeping everything very very low key, still, small is the best way to start a placement and enable good transition.

I know at mine (I lived in the USA then, people insist!) people brought a photo of themselves as a baby and they were put on a board, we had to guess who was who. They had pots of commercial purée baby food and you had to guess what it was meant to be (revolting!) perhaps one more game - I suggest the cutting up the chocolate game (get a decent sized bar of dairy milk or similar with segments, gloves, hat, scarf, knife, fork and a dice. Take it in turns to throw, if you throw a six you get to put on the clothing and start to cut segments with the knife and fork, as soon as someone else throws a 6 you take it all off and it's their turn, simple but fun.

Pin the tail on the donkey? But maybe with a baby in a pushchair and do put the hat on the baby?

Bingo game? Quite fun

How old is the child she's adopting? Any games about welcoming a newborn might not work if she's adopting a 5 year old.
How about everyone bring a nice age-related book or game for the child and then have cakes and fizz?

Again this child is 1 anyone who knows anything about child development, nevermind adoption will know that consitency is the most important thing. Not " new things". A last night out sounds like fun, games involving all the decisions new parents usually make ( clothes, weaning, nappies, names) are wholly inappropriate as if this adopttion is managed properly and in the child's best interests than these decisions will not be changed.