Adoption shower ideas

[CraftyC]

I have offered to host an adoption shower for my best friend. They have been going through the UK adoption system for nearly 2 years and will be taking a 1 year old girl home mid May. The mum to be knows about the shower and is incredibly excited.

However all the ideas for games I have seen are pregnancy related. Does anyone have any ideas what games/activities I can do with the 15 guests in my house that doesn't mention pregnancy? Any other tips for hosting this shower to make it special for her?

Thanks

How about a ‘toy hunt’ like easter egg hunt, where you has some age-appropriate toys for 1 year olds around the house/venue and whoever finds the most wins a prize.

What 😂 and the game is a photo from a small child. If one is not a small child I don’t no what is. Also when they turn one they don’t magically look like a different person to when they were 11 months. HTH

Re the whole idea of an adoption shower- I did the friends and family training with the social workers and they suggested it. They also spent most of the time talking about how damaged the children are and to strap in sort of thing and no parties for the little one where they can be overwhelmed. The one I arranged was very low key with the mum fully involved.

The baby food one would work - make purees and guess what veg are in them

So the people I know who are adopted are very clear that their adopted mum is their mum. One is still interested in birth mum, two very much not. You dh story is not everybody’s.

Again, this is a party for the mum and celebrating her looking after this baby/child who she will love unconditionally and the new life she will have. You’d really prefer her to just sit in silence because she didn’t give birth?

It’s her adoptive parent.

Who knew people had such horrible thoughts to adopters. I have some family members who were horribly abused by their parent before being adopted and to inform them that their adoptive mum is not their mum would just be offensive and hurtful to them. Should adopted kids not be allowed to see their adoptive parents as mum and dad then? Everyone situation is different, there is no need to be horrible about your own views.

I'm sure mum is well aware it's not all sunshine and rainbows. No need to patronise her

This actually made me tear up. How lovely.

Ignore the naysayers op. There are some terrific ideas on this thread, I'm sure you will have a great time.

Hi OP,

my sister adopted my nephew nearly 7 years ago- he was around a similar age as the little one your friend is adopting. We gave her an adoption shower, with her knowledge and consent. Firstly because it was a way to celebrate what had been a long journey to parenthood, and it’s what was done for every other expectant mum in our family, secondly, it was also a way to have a few people to celebrate and have a nice time before the little one came, as once children are placed, rightly so, adopters cannot have guests for a while as the child settled and builds attachment, cannot go out to socialise etc, so it was a way to celebrate with close friends and family she was not going to see for several months, maybe longer as they settled and prioritised the child, and for my sister to have a laugh and relax a bit during what was a very stressful time, before he arrived.

we held it just before introductions, but after they had the confirmation of the placement via matching panel and agency decision maker’s decision was ratified, this means we didn’t it have long to plan - we planned it in a couple weeks, and didn’t give much notice (which was probably better as many people couldn’t make it, so kept numbers down.

we kept is very small - it was in my mums living room, we decorated with blue and white balloons but avoided “it’s boy” decorations as these has connotations of birth etc. we only had women and girls in the family, a a handful of my sisters best friends. About 9 or10 people including my sister, and a few kids.

We played a baby and toddler related quiz - anything from names of celebrity babies to peppa pig and in the night garden characters to historical facts like when was the stroller invented etc and we made it a bit fun like the teams had baby/toddler toys as a buzzer, team names were related to a kids show.

We did guess the childhood pic. - but we asked for no newborn pics - so people brought pics from when they were older babies, toddlers and small children.

We also did guess the baby food (other boring mumsnetters snarl at this but we had a good laugh, and my sister found it hilarious)

We did guess the theme song and characters from toddler, CBeebies shows.

people gifted my sister nappies and clothes for his size (she found out sizes from the foster carer/ social worker) and a few toys.

my sister enjoyed chatting and laughing - but one thing to be wary of - a couple people did insist on asking inappropriate questions about my nephew (as with adoption, much information is rightly confidential) so my sister and me and my mum and other sister had to have a plan, and very rigid about sticking to the line, this is about celebrating his future with our family not talking about his past.”

My sister also chose to reveal his first name at the shower, but this was her choice, and other adoptive mums may not wish to do this. We did not show any photographs of him.

hope that helps

Babies can’t hang around in limbo indefinitely waiting for a parent to become capable of parenting them adequately, regardless of the reason they aren’t able to.

OP, I’d ask for your post to be moved to the Mn adoption board, where there are a lot of experienced, kind, well-informed posters who will have nuanced responses — celebrating the arrival of a child via adoption is something that comes up not infrequently.

I’ve just thought of another family I know!the mum was adopted and chose to adopt her kids too. I agree that they would be pretty upset at some of these miserable posts.

I recognise a few fellow adopters from this thread. I think if the Mum wants a baby shower she should have one. We miss out on so much, and the 'new start' for the child and parents is something to be marked by the parents if they so choose. As it is before placement then it won't impact the little one.

I liked the suggestion of identifying sentences from children's books.

What the new Mum may not want is clothes as gifts. I really really wanted to choose my own and had to wait until my DC had outgrown the things they came with from FC before I could do that.

Lovely post! Sounds like a lovely shower.

DAMAGED for life?!

Thanks?

This is deeply offensive.

I was going to say this is an excellent post and sounds like a great party, until you called me ‘boring’ for not wanting to be forced to eat something i don’t want to eat, as an adult lol. Your guests may have found it funny but that the one i attended, multiple opted out.

What? Why? It’s a baby.

Think this is really good advice. We also found family and friends, however well meaning. Asked questions about DS’s birth family/reason for being adopted etc. we said from the beginning that we don’t share that and “it’s his story to tell when he’s older if he wants to”.

I think 'impacted' for life is far better than 'damaged'.
Everyone is impacted by their early years experiences.

Please celebrate adoptions.

It's a child joining a family. There is tremendous love which we should always celebrate.

I see there is no suggestion the child be involved and thats good

Obviously there will be a transition period from the foster carer (presumably thats where the child is now) to the adopters. Usually the child is living with the adopters until the adoption order is granted, the child lives there under placement order and care order until that adoption order is made

So Im a bit confused about OP you saying before the child arrives but after its all ratified legally?

Adoption is amazing for a child that needs security, permanency and legal parents for their minority where that cant happen within the birth family. But it is also a loss, its a loss for the child, a loss for the birth family and that is hard to recognise, therefore Im not keen on the idea of a 'party' type of celebration.

Children's lives need to be kept very very small in the early days after transition, this can continue for months and months. Its a good idea for the prospective adopters to also keep their world small to replicate this, to run in accordance with what the child is experiencing

Has there been a birth parent meeting yet?

I received a children's poetry book from my friends overseas.

They picked some out and wrote little messages on the pages relating to the poems. Or just added some fun rhymes.

My both my DC love the book, it's given me / us a lot of comfort, fun and laughter!

As for games, I second a few typical children's games or a guess the kids TY program game...

You beat me to it, she really does. Shame about all the usual killjoys.

It is not offensive, it is reality. Abused and neglected children are often damaged for life. Adopted children have normally been abused and neglected.

This is probably the correct tone imo