The worst thing that's ever happened to me

[IHateLegDay]

I was out for lunch with DH and bit into a ham sandwich, not realising it had mustard on it. I blurted out "this is the worst thing that's ever happened to me!" 😂
Obviously it's not. I've had plenty of trauma in my life but whenever the conversation arises of 'the worst thing that's ever happened', that's what comes into my head!
So what's the (not actually) worst thing that's ever happened to you?

(Lighthearted 😊)

I stood on a dead mouse the cat left. It's head rolled away as I did so. It was 23 years ago 😫

When I was a child I was sleeping over a friends house and we made popcorn. However, she dropped the popcorn on the stairs when carrying it up to her bedroom and just laughed and started eating it off the stairs so I copied her and did the same. Got a mouthful of a massive dust bunny 🥲

I've just remembered another that's possibly worse than my stepping on a slug:

you know when the kitchen sink is blocked with carrot peel and stuff? I reached into the murky water to unblock it and it was a really big dead housespider.

That was a loud scream

This is why Im a dog person!

That is truly horrendous.

My late dog proudly strolled into our sitting room one morning many years ago and dropped a live frog onto the carpet. It hopped about a bit and before I could rescue it, she pounced on it and it emitted a diabolically shrill squeal that I still hear in my dreams.

I removed the poor creature from her mouth, shut her away and took it back down to the pond, but it was irreversibly injured. I knew I had to do the merciful thing - I bravely picked up a nearby trowel, and clonked froggy sharply on the head to end his suffering.

Frog juice hit me clean in the mouth.

The time I got home early from work on an unusually hot and sunny day and decided to make myself an iced coffee and sit in the garden for 15 mins before the kids arrived home from school. Sadly I forgot to put the lid on the blender and spent my free 15 minutes cleaning milky coffee slush up from every surface of my kitchen. I WAS TRAUMATISED!

Asda delivered my big shop just before Easter, been dieting so allowed myself only one Easter treat, a milk chocolate Lindt bunny. I'd been craving it for weeks. Love Lindt but only in a seasonal shape. Managed to ignore all the kids lovely eggs and stick to diet, knowing the bunny would be my reward.

Shop arrived, everything present and correct except my bunny. To my horror, it was substituted with a WHITE chocolate bunny! The weekend was ruined, obviously I couldn't eat that, and by that point the lovely milk ones were sold out everywhere else. Devastation. I shall never forgive Asda.

I'd quite like Courtney Cox to play me in the biopic.

When I was pregnant with my first and we were at friends. They asked if we wanted to stay for dinner, they were having fajitas, no brainer! I was beyond happy.

They did their fajitas with lettuce and mayo. 😐No salsa, sour cream etc..I'm not a fan of mayo either. Disappointed doesn't even come close. To have my hopes raised and dashed so quickly...and to have to hide it too.

This happened 20 years ago and I am not over it 😂

Went to Waggamama with my son with Allergies, they were so on the ball with his food.....they forgot about mine. I was bloody hungry!

My Mam called me down for tea when I was 16. Being 16 I was a few minutes. My Dad had taken his tea and was eating it infront of countdown.

I had mine in the dining room and moaned it was rubbery and tasteless. I was a veggie so thought it was some new quorn type thing of the late 90s. Nope!

My Dad had eaten my veggie shep pie and left me his chicken!! I have never eaten chicken in my life as I am terrified of birds. It was gross!

I could be sick thinking of that feathery thing touching my oseophagus now!
Gross!

My ex dh licked one when he was a little boy 😑

Torn between two

1. The time I stepped on a frog and slid, like a cartoon character on a banana skin.

1. The time my DH asked if I wanted anything from the shop, and I said no, and the selfish bastard didn't catch the telepathic message and get me a chocolate bar

Student nurse in the early 1970s, doing my obstetric rotation (which overall was brilliant).
When babie were born we did gentle manual suction to remove any gunk from their mouths. So a tube into the babies mouth, a tube in my mouth. Both into a small vessel in the middle. Somehow the trap didn't work on one occasion and I sucked into my mouth amniotic fluid from the mother. Boak.

🤣🤣🤣🤣

Had a minor operation involving lots of stitches with local anaesthetic.
Stayed cool and calm before, during and after, to my DH's admiration.

In the evening I dropped and smashed a bottle of cheap wine and bawled my eyes out.

Oh the temerity of your DH🤨

Let the cat in and he ran to his usual spot on the arm of the sofa. I sat down and started stroking. Just as I wondered what the horrific smell was my hand reached the shit on his back and tail. Somehow he'd managed to get fox shit over himself. I jumped up and yelled, and of course the cat dashed off. So there's me with a shitty hand and the cat with a shitty back, I'm yelling at my son to come and help. Scrub my hand while son gingerly holds cat in a non shitty place while I run him a bath in the sink. Thankfully I think the cat knew he needed to get clean as he was very co-operative about being dunked in water! So we weren't massacred by claws.

Years ago, I dipped a bit of food in a wasabi dip, having never tried wasabi before. I can still remember the rank taste and feeling of it. I went down with a stomach bug later that day - a coincidence, but made me feel REALLY sorry for myself after the vileness of the wasabi.

It was in Tibet. An out building with a squat toilet which emptied straight in to a precipice. I really really need to go. I assumed position, prepared to let fly and for some reason looked down between my legs, staring into the mountainous abyss… saw a poor goat wander into shot. He looked up at my great white arse above him and well… it wasn’t pretty . Poor goat.

Had never tried a pickled egg and as they were only 50p at the chip shop I added one when buying daughters dinner.
I think I underestimated how sharp the vinegar would be and bit half of the egg , gagged and then choked and thought I was going to suffocate I heaved so much 😅😅

I warmed my snake's defrosted rat on top of the stove, but left it too long and, when I picked it up, the abdomen burst open and I was left with a handful of rat intestines 😱🤢😭 I began yelling in disgust and threw it into the snake enclosure whereupon my snake came out of his hide and gobbled it up whilst I ran into the kitchen and frantically tried to scrub my hand to get rid of the smell! Intestinal enzymes stink and I could still smell it the next day 😭

A few days ago I went to pour my daughter a glass of smoothie and accidentally poured it into my glass of Prosecco instead. I drank it anyway in case I had inadvertently invented a new delicious Bellini type cocktail - I hadn't!

I was furious with myself especially as there wasn't any more left.

When my wife and I first met, one of the first things I cooked for her was a chicken Kiev. Yes I know, we were young and it was from a packet etc.

As she cut into it, a huge stream of garlic butter ejaculated and dribbled down my lovely emulsion wall. I laughed, and told her not to worry, but being young and full of attitude at the time, she stood up, walked out of the kitchen and slammed my door behind her. She was embarrassed.

We now have three children.

Drunk and starving, I ordered a massive burger at Victoria station late one night. I leapt on the last train with seconds to spare and yanked open the burger bag only to find the juices had soaked through the bottom and it had fallen out on the platform. I watched it sitting there, calling to me, as I toyed briefly with the idea of pulling the emergency cord so we could be reunited.

Totally gutted.

(eta - just realised it's over 30 years since this happened. Still not over it).