Finding 'friend's' behaviour completely insane IANBU to think you do not treat a 6year old like this .

[FlubbersomeFlabbergasted]

Just a bit of rant really.
Been friends with someone who lives nearby for about 15 years, when we met had almost identical life circumstances. She and her husband became godparents to my youngest child now aged 6.5 years.

Over The last 3 years I started experiencing a lot of emotional abuse in my marriage and very controlling behaviour which drove me to the point of almost a complete breakdown. All my friends were aware if this and to most of then and my family it was very apparent.

I temporarily moved into another property- my child was unaffected by her father as the behaviour was directed at me and her home is 3 mins from school. She stayed put. I saw her every Monday and had her Wednesday night and every Fri and sat night ans all day sun too, we tried to do a family activity this day and things were calm. Husband attended intensive counselling.
Initially I had thought we were breaking up and went on a few dates which he knows, i obviouslu I chatted to friends about this.
All this is relevant.

Now the friend situation:
Every Christmas we do a gathering and all exchange presents. Friend couldnt find a free time (she's always very booked) so I dropped the presents at her house. She left them on our doorstep unopened saying she didn't want to accept them and wanted " a friendship sabbatical". Thought this was odd but she has some funny ways so let her get in with it.
Since then things have improved I have moved back home but still have 1 or 2 nights a week on my own as I tend to go out late and it's just easier. ( I don't go to work) And it's quite common amongst our friendship group.
Last weekend I received a long text trellng me friend is no longer talking to me, she is furious with me for "abandoning" my child , she cotes that her grandmother aparently permanently conoletely left her mother aged 11 and this had created problems in her family ever since). So she has huge issues with me having time to both escape and sorry or my psychosocial welfare which was in shreds. She said The fact I expected my husband to learn to cook ( he had never lifted a finger) is also unforgivable, - he leaky couldn't book an egg. And the fact I went on dating apps after he and I broke up means I am no longer the type of person she can ever be friends with again. Clearly those in abusive relationships are just meant to suffer, or if she can't see it it doesn't exist.

Clearly I find this utterly nuts and think she's insane, I don't want to be friends with someone sojudgemental. I'm very bothered by the fact when she sees us with her god child she completely blanks her despite her shouting and waving. What planet do these pepole come from ??
i don't think its me. My other fiends don't think it's me. Soneone like this isn't a loss yo me. I'm just ranting. I do feel sorry for my child that behaviour is unacceptable. And you don't do that to an inn8cebt child when you've made a point of seeing them every week if their like until now

sorry this is so long if you got here

Thoughts would be interesting.

He was very Careful not to do it in front of her. He would always do it with the door shut. As soon as she is home from school he spent the whole evening playing with her. She absolutley adores him and him her. He kept all argument away from her. He's very aware in that respect.

honestly i just feel sorry for your children.

You’re absolutely kidding yourself. She knows.

Grow up. Step up. Get clean.

You left your kid with your abuser, and immediately signed onto dating apps and started dating. That’s pretty low. I’d be questioning my friendship with you too because you’re just another woman prioritising getting sex over your kid.

Your husband couldn’t even cook or anything? So he clearly wasn’t the best person for your daughter to live with. In those circumstances, you take the child with you and he can attend his counselling, learn to cook and be an adult and have the child for a couple nights a week. You could build up to 50/50. Instead, you left her with an abuser and got yourself sorted out with dates. Yuck.

I'm really struggling to follow but seems you've got much bigger things to worry about than your friend. It All sounds chaotic and dysfunctional and much more damaging to your child than the behaviour of this godparent.

OP, your posts are really poorly constructed. From what I’ve read, I’m with your friend.

This. Why didn’t he leave the property while sorting himself out? Why did you need to online date so quickly? Why did you leave your child with an abuser who could have taken it out on her. Sorry OP, I agree with her thinking, at least she is being honest.

i don’t agree with her ignoring your child though, she did nothing wrong and she could at least wave at her.

Sorry you have been such a rough time OP. I am glad you are in a better place now.

And you know what else makes it a better place. This woman has shown you she is not your friend and it is good you know this now and don't have to have anything further to do with her.

your friend doesnt approve
she really doesnt.

chat with her and understand why

Ironically, op's thread title is probably word-for-word what her friend is thinking...!

Have you been taking something other than alcohol to be up all night op? I think you should try get some sleep and then reassess your lifestyle because staying up all night on Easter weekend when it should be with your child who is no doubt off school is not a very good idea. I'm not surprised your friend judges you to be honest. Your posts are incoherent and something isn't stacking up.

I am also sorry that you're getting judgment from mumsnetters, for seeing your child a few times a week (not even abandoning her!) since men do it all the time and no one blinks an eye

Rubbish. If someone came on here & said their husband went out a couple of nights a week 'dancing' and stayed out overnight because it was more convenient there's NOONE on here would think that was appropriate

The general consensus would be to LTB

Out dancing and away overnight several nights a week smacks very much of having your cake & eating it

And staying up the whole night is not conduitive to spending today with said child or family. If this was a man being spoken of everyone would be shouting ltb. Its a chaotic lifestyle that needs brought under control. I'm all for parents having time off whether that be a child free break away. Monthly night out or whatever but this lifestyle is not in the child's best interests at all.

The situation you’ve described sounds like a train wreck and you can’t even see it. I’m not surprised your friend wants to keep her distance.

You’ve obviously had a very rough time and it sounds like your situation/way of dealing with it all is very unconventional.

Your friend gossiping about your personal life wasn’t nice, but she’s perfectly entitled to have her opinion and based on that’s exude whether or not she wants to continue the friendship.

The fact she no longer has a relationship with your daughter is unfortunate but sometimes that’s the way it goes. I barely saw either of my Godmothers growing up and couldn’t pick the surviving one out of a line up tbh.

I also find it hard to believe that this man who for years was so controlling that he wouldn't let you go to the supermarket alone is also fine with you having a crash pad where you stay out 2 nights a week? The whole narrative sounds contradictory.

Everyone is being quite kind to you OP and not pointing out the obvious. What the heck are you writing? I do not understand anything in that first paragraph above except it's about your eldest son. The rest I'm at about 70% but in a nuanced situation like this, you need to communicate 100%. If you're not a native English speaker use Google translate. If you are, and you are drunk or high then sober up. If you're dyslexic (unlikely as most of these mistakes don't look like it), you can read over what you've written and correct obvious mistakes.

In the meantime I have no advice because there is too much which is making no sense. I'm currently worried about your 6yo though.

You left your child to the tender mercies of an abuser. Then you started dating other men. I also find it disingenuous when you say that you just shrugged off your friend's dumping the returned Christmas presents on the doorstep and saying she wanted a friendship sabbatical, as just one of her funny ways. That would clearly have been a warning shot across the bows to 99.9% of people.

She sounds highly unreasonable with regards to some particulars but the overall situation is concerning and I'm not surprised she - and probably others - are judging.

The OP was clearly as high as a kite when they wrote these posts.

Poor bloody kids.

i don’t agree with her ignoring your child though, she did nothing wrong and she could at least wave at her.

Do posters actually believe this? Godmother for 8 years, friend for what was it 15 years? And she just ignores her goddaughter knowing the shit the poor wee girl is going though.

C'mon mumnset! People do lie or get confused sometimes when they do an OP.

I'd love to hear the friend's story. Bet it shows a completely different side of this shit show.

However OP I hope you do get help and some peace. It all sounds a bit of a mess.

Yes, he must have had some life-altering therapy.

This all sounds highly, highly dysfunctional and I'd be extremely concerned for your child in all this. I'm also very concerned about your mental health after the awful abuse you have been through and wondering how your husband went from horrendously abusive to just fine in a few months. I think this friend is the least of your worries tbh.

concentrate on what is happening in your own life, your actions what you can do to improve your life

what you ex friend thinks is irrelevant to your situation

but then of course it’s a good distraction

So your 'cure' for all this was to move out leaving your child behind, join some dating apps, see various men, then after you moved back home you continue to go out 2 or three nights a week and stay out really late. And that's the reason you moved back, because it was easier and safer to get back to your old house on those nights when you'd been out on the town until very late at night.

Not because you six year old was there.

Hmm. I'm starting to see your ex-friend's POV.