Finding 'friend's' behaviour completely insane IANBU to think you do not treat a 6year old like this .

[FlubbersomeFlabbergasted]

Just a bit of rant really.
Been friends with someone who lives nearby for about 15 years, when we met had almost identical life circumstances. She and her husband became godparents to my youngest child now aged 6.5 years.

Over The last 3 years I started experiencing a lot of emotional abuse in my marriage and very controlling behaviour which drove me to the point of almost a complete breakdown. All my friends were aware if this and to most of then and my family it was very apparent.

I temporarily moved into another property- my child was unaffected by her father as the behaviour was directed at me and her home is 3 mins from school. She stayed put. I saw her every Monday and had her Wednesday night and every Fri and sat night ans all day sun too, we tried to do a family activity this day and things were calm. Husband attended intensive counselling.
Initially I had thought we were breaking up and went on a few dates which he knows, i obviouslu I chatted to friends about this.
All this is relevant.

Now the friend situation:
Every Christmas we do a gathering and all exchange presents. Friend couldnt find a free time (she's always very booked) so I dropped the presents at her house. She left them on our doorstep unopened saying she didn't want to accept them and wanted " a friendship sabbatical". Thought this was odd but she has some funny ways so let her get in with it.
Since then things have improved I have moved back home but still have 1 or 2 nights a week on my own as I tend to go out late and it's just easier. ( I don't go to work) And it's quite common amongst our friendship group.
Last weekend I received a long text trellng me friend is no longer talking to me, she is furious with me for "abandoning" my child , she cotes that her grandmother aparently permanently conoletely left her mother aged 11 and this had created problems in her family ever since). So she has huge issues with me having time to both escape and sorry or my psychosocial welfare which was in shreds. She said The fact I expected my husband to learn to cook ( he had never lifted a finger) is also unforgivable, - he leaky couldn't book an egg. And the fact I went on dating apps after he and I broke up means I am no longer the type of person she can ever be friends with again. Clearly those in abusive relationships are just meant to suffer, or if she can't see it it doesn't exist.

Clearly I find this utterly nuts and think she's insane, I don't want to be friends with someone sojudgemental. I'm very bothered by the fact when she sees us with her god child she completely blanks her despite her shouting and waving. What planet do these pepole come from ??
i don't think its me. My other fiends don't think it's me. Soneone like this isn't a loss yo me. I'm just ranting. I do feel sorry for my child that behaviour is unacceptable. And you don't do that to an inn8cebt child when you've made a point of seeing them every week if their like until now

sorry this is so long if you got here

Thoughts would be interesting.

None of your further explanations help. If your husband destroyed your mental health that much then there is absolutely no way your 6yo didn't see that. Even seeing you crying, which was caused by him, she saw. So she was affected. And then you left her there. Instead of moving with her, or getting her with your parents etc.

your friend sounds a bit bonkers, but the part about leaving your child. I can't disagree with. So you're upset she doesn't acknowledge her now, but you left her with a man that nearly drove you suicide. I think you're misplacing your anger here.

@MyLovelyPurse I'm well aware my lifestyle is unusable to most of the country, there are aportion out people to who is isn't though. There are many couples I know for example who LAT. it's an increasing my common relationship type, even with children. It's probably ŋ common amongst people I know because by luck in fortunate to live in a relatively affllent life, we have owned both our houses outright Alrways and own s successful finance company. Othey than the of day here and there I don't have a standard job. Its safer if I go out and dance one night in town ( which I love) for me to stay there than spend his getting home I also don't think we need to be sick at the hip being married . My husband now goes out two nights a week and may or may not come home. Space suits us

@Beautiful3 the updates say that's what happend .

When someone is as mentally unwell as you say you were, then the decisions they make can be very irrational. However, you’re changing the narrative here. You start by saying you left your DD with her DF because of his emotional abuse. It’s absolutely OK to not stay with someone who’s abusive, but it’s NOT ok to leave a young child with them.
You’ve made some poor choices, you have a young child who will be impacted by those choices, you’re still making poor choices, so now it’s time to sort yourself out. If not for your sake, then maybe for your DD.

Sounds like she’s not a real friend if she doesn’t believe your partner was treating you badly. And on top of that ignoring her Godchild really isn’t on. I would just focus on more supportive people, and have a low threshold for partners behaviour aswell that is he does start slipping back you get out at an early stage

Which choices@Soontobe60 ?

These masseur issues - did you rub each other up the wrong way?

I think it would be hard to understand a friend going back into a relationship that had ruined her mental health, even if the DH had undergone counselling.

I'd find it even harder to accept that she'd left her child with that man.

Sorry OP, I'm with your friend on this one.

OP, Why is it relevant that you ‘love’ going out dancing? There are any number of things that people love doing but they tend to cut back on them when they have young children. Your lifestyle makes sense to you, but not to many people reading this thread and not to your friend. I suspect your children might have a different perspective when they look back on it too. You have money but you are choosing not to use it to make your life calm and secure.

😂unfortunately no massages in sight.

Marriage problems however, ALL the neighbours were made aware, after all she had to tell them🤷‍♀️.

I just find the whole thing so strange.

If you are concerned, express concern at the time withs reason and offer constructive advice. It's the stomping off, incorrect facts she thinks I haven't ever seen my daughter, and her sereve objection to me making my husband learn to cook.

I know I did the only thing I could. Its one of those you had to be there things maybe.

It's the weird messages, and child punishment I find odd.

She's not punishing your child.

She finds your decisions difficult to understand and is pulling back on the friendship with your family.

As you can see from this thread, other people also find your decisions hard to understand.

where do you go when you go out?

@MyLovelyPurse
You assume that because its bit a micro toy are familiar with and because I'm trying you I've had a mental health break down
My older child is 22. He grew up have a life whet l where we were all over the place, unconventional, yes, wtong, no. He comments Enfield his much he had lived the life he had had and his grateful he is m it is very she to say he feels secure.
It's a case of different strokes.

If i worried a full time professional job like many i know I'd have a nanny, be home after my children were in bed every night and sirens at least one weekend day working so wouldn't see them or have any time for them. I have sl ways arm my children much much more than this without exception.My life may have had problems but my son has had an everything solid education, been around the world and toured with me and a dance truope, he been to amazing places and had wonderful experiences and seen fabulous thing and now won a place at probably the most competetive uni place in the world. So lack of stability for my children? Maybe, maybe not. It comes in different forms. He had had a stable life in a lively home with his education, present parents a lot of the time and wonderful experiences. I'm not perfect but o could do much worse. I could also be utterly conventional, but I'll never be that.

@Willmafrockfit I don't drink but go to one of a few dance venues in London. I was a dancer from years.

@FlubbersomeFlabbergasted please will you at least proofread and correct your posts? Quite apart from the fact that your lifestyle does sound very difficult to understand, the level of typos makes it almost impossible to get to grips with what you're trying to convey. Thank you.

So if you don't work? Who funds your 'party/chill out' property that you stayed in while you left your child with someone you say was so awful and abusive- but you still left your child? Then quickly got on the dating circuit?
And who's funding it still so you can go dancing and have the couple of nights on your own?
Awaiting the flaming but you can't really do the 'I need to be SAHM' as presumably your dh worked and managed to look after your child on his own all this time?

Trying to follow this thread but your updates need checking before you post as so much is gibberish. I don't think any of what you did or didn't do matters as she's decided she doesn't need your friendship any more and this, unfortunately, includes your daughter - unless you are a committed church goer, being a godparent is fairly meaningless. I'd accept her decision and move on.

She doesn’t want to be friends with you because you’re not on the same wavelength and she doesn’t understand your decisions.

Honestly I think it’s you that’s using your child as a pawn in this, not her. If she’s avoiding you, she’s hardly going to stop and chat to your child.

You can live your life whatever way you see fit, but you can’t control how you’re viewed by others.

I agree!

OP Shouldn't be getting the flack.
How could she care for her child if she was one step away from being sectioned?! OP stated her husband wasnt violent towards kids ..yes kids aren't daft...but it was the lesser of 2 evils.
Your friend is a dick OP. All high horse and all. Well ride. You'll have to explain to DD that the friend is not happy right now but that its nothing that DD has done.
Is your husband able to speak with your ex friend? Considering he is a lot better?

You've had a hard time. You've made decisions that are logical to you but make no sense to most people. Your ex friend has decided that your decisions tell her something about your character that she doesn't approve of, so she's decided to end your friendship.

I think you've made some bad choices. I hope your DD is ok and you can make her life more stable.

Btw if this was the husband ...people would expect it..he would probably be applauded for still having his daughter odd time.

She’s right. Your poor child. What a chaotic lifestyle

You sound a bit self-centred. It's all about how special and unconventional you are.

As godparent, your friend is supposed to assist in the spiritual and moral development of your child. She obviously feels that her moral compass and yours don't align, and so cannot fulfill the role.

Glad you and your DP are doing better now, OP, but surely you can see that this whole situation is quite unusual. It possibly has been difficult for your DC to process what is happening and why. It sounds like things are on a more even keel now.

Clearly this person does not want to be your friend so accept that and move on.