Sex/gender disappointment- why is it always boys?

[Beautifulsunflowers]

I’m just interested- I don’t think I’ve ever seen a thread where the poster is disappointed at having a girl.

Surely there’s always a 50/50 chance of either sex.

I post this as the mother of two boys so maybe there’s something I’m missing. Im not trying to be goady - I’m genuinely curious.

i struggled with infertility and after successful ivf I was just so thrilled to be having a baby I really didn’t mind what sex I had.
Further ivf attempts failed so we went through the adoption process and the social worker asked us if we would like a girl as we already had a boy - she thought a girl would make our family complete - I told her that I just wanted a second child to complete our family, to be a sibling to our son. I couldn’t understand deciding on a second child but only wanting a particular sex.
In the event I discovered I was pregnant just before facing panel. I got my second child to complete my family - a second boy. I was delighted! I’d have been delighted either way.

So I’m just really interested in what makes people disappointed in having a boy? It does make me feel upset when I read those posts, as though boys are second best and not as valued as girls.

As a mum of two boys, this really pisses me off.

My lovely caring, loving, cuddly boys are not a consolation prize.

They have also taught me that if men cannot talk about their feelings or be caring, attuned and empathetic, then that is definitely culturally learnt and not innate.

A lot depends on the culture. I never had an engagement ring, but right after dd2 was born, dh bought me a lovely ring.
Amazed comment from a neighbour - (from a Mediterranean culture) -‘You got that for a GIRL??

These threads just baffle me. I’ve got 2 boys and am thrilled with them. Having seen some of the trouble my friends with girls are having, largely bullying related, but also eating disorders, hormonal tantrums, sexting/unwanted attention from boys… and I’m sorry but the way girls shriek and scream really annoys me. I’m grateful to have boys.

I also wish society was more fair for girls don’t get me wrong, but this thread is specifically about being disappointed with your baby being a boy. Which I genuinely don’t get chatting my friends.

Wanted a healthy baby and was blessed with a beautiful little boy. I think that generally speaking, boys are a lot easier to raise than girls. Girls are more influenced by peer pressure and sm. I think a lot of women just want girls to dress up, be girly, etc.

What kind of women do you know if you think that’s true?

I see it on here all the time. It's not coming from women i know. Most women I know have boys, just wanted a healthy baby and now adore their boys. There are often posters on Mn "devastated" because they are having a boy/another boy. They openly make comments an never having a girl to "dress up" . One complained that she had wanted pink everything and now she couldn't have it ... You don't think that girls are GENERALLY more pressured as teens than boys to follow the pack and be influenced by sm? There are often mothers of 12 yr old girls on here saying how their daughter wants Sephora skin products/make up.

I wanted a girl as girls were all I ever knew - no boys in the family apart from my dad. After trying to conceive and having to resort to Ivf, I soon realised it didn't matter whatsoever. And I am SO SO happy I got my son. He's such a wonderful addition to my life and our family. I adore him. I later had my daughter. I'd say my son was a breeze as a teen as opposed to my daughter, whom I adore equally. I think it's natural for women to gravitate towards girls and men towards boys, purely because we can't quite grasp the connection we may (or may not have) have with the opposite sex, as they grow up.

It’s because it’s mainly women on here who want a daughter (at least one). Women often want girls, men boys. Reasons being maybe that women relate better to other women, they feel they will be closer to a daughter, the see a daughter as a “mini me” to some degree.

I had a strong preference for a daughter and have two. I would have been happy with one of each though and I’m sure if I’d had a son I would have got used to it.

I’m amazed at all the people on here admitting they wanted a girl. To be honest, I have two girls and am very happy - ashamed to admit I wanted girls. However, that’s not to say that if I’d had a boy I wouldn’t have been just as pleased and fallen in love with them. It’s definitely not about being a ‘mini me’ as I’m the least girly person ever! My eldest is actually very different to how I was at her age. I honestly think the reason is because I’m a woman so feel I can relate to them more, also most of the men in our family are quite emotionally repressed, and the girls in our family have generally been more successful in life…harsh but true 🙈. Maybe it’s a cultural thing and time to turn the tables so men are celebrated more and encourages to show their emotions? Also, with my in laws MIL is very close to her daughter and has a very distant, pretty odd relationship with her sons as adults, so maybe I wanted that close relationship for me as well, especially as my own Mum is dead 😢

I have 2 boys ( now 31 and 30). I brought them up as a single parent. They both married fabulous young women and I have a lovely relationship with both my DILs. One DIL and son have children. Both boys. So as well as being a mum of boys I am a granny of boys. I see them several times a week and look after them every Monday while their mum is at work. It's brilliant. They are such fun. I don't know whether it would be different to have girls. I'm just enjoying what I have. I know how lucky I am to be living the life I have.

Boys are naughty, wild, boys will be boys, boys pee outside, boys are slower, boys are harder, boys are limited in aspiration due to entrenched ideas on masculinity, boys grow into men. Men are lecherous, perverts, cocklodgers, abusers, narcissists, they're shit parents and partners, they neglect their birth family after marriage and allow their wives to turn them against them, they have fewer emotions. All the problems men experience are due to men, directly or indirectly

Girls are smart, girls are clever, girls are sweet, girls are quiet, girls play nicely, girl read, girls are better behaved, girls can be anything and doing anything just proves their superiority as women, girls grow into women, women are more important, women are kinder, smarter, stronger, more emotionally intelligent, better parents and partners and adults children. All the problems women experience are due to men, directly or indirectly

That would be my summary of MN. Personally I have three sons and a lovely male husband so I disagree with what I've put

Is it the stereotype that "a daughter is your daughter for the rest of your life, but a man is your son until he finds a wife?" The idea that if you have a son, you will be mother of the groom, MIL, quite likely the second set of grandparents? The (again stereotype) that boys don't make as much effort to stay in touch etc.?

I know all families are different and these are just stereotypes. But I have to remind my DH to call his poor mum occasionally. She's lovely as well, the perfect MIL. He just can't be arsed.

This is exactly the scenario I’m worried about with my son.

You sound like a lovely daughter in law, so I’ll keep my fingers crossed my DS meets someone with your attitude!

This makes me feel better - thankyou!

Don’t get me wrong, I adore my DS and did want a boy. But having only one feels more high stakes that they’ll grow up and forget about you.

Like a pp, I had a pretty horrible childhood due to men so I’m a little scared about it. My exH was also abusive and ignored his mum ( who was a loving mum to him)

I’m hoping my DS breaks the habit!

Those Saying boys grow into men who are distant from their mothers. My DH is very close to his Mum, talk all the time. I don’t speak to my Mum! I see it across my friends as well. Some have quite problematic relationships with their Mums.

if you’re close and maintain good relations, you’ll remain close as adults, is what I’ve observed.

@SleepingStandingUp that's it exactly!!

I am glad this thread is balanced at least. There was a similar one a while back, I think on AIBU and it made for very tough reading. Multiple posters that said they wouldn't have children for fear of producing another male or that they would abort a male, really seriously troubling man hating vibes. If anything it made me feel more protective towards my boys, I just couldn't believe that people out there can hate another human based only on their sex.

I don't think it's as black and white as being either very distant or very close. My husband loves his mum, has always had a good relationship with her. But he rarely phones her for a chat, he never does anything socially with her. His sister speaks to MIL all the time (too much IMO, even for a mother/daughter relationship, I think they are too much in each others pockets), SIL socialises with her regularly.

Just to add in the mix that my SIL is very typical "my own mum can practically live with us 24/7 but my MIL is a witch if she tries to come anywhere near us". I've always tried to include my in laws in our life as much as my own family, I've never made any difference. But, us mums of boys just have to cross our fingers we won't get alienated in the future.

I don't get it myself, I actually wanted a boy and luckily I got one, I didn't really want a girl and as I knew I was going to be one and done it worked out perfectly 😁

I wanted at least one of each really. Preferably a girl first as I think having older sisters makes boys be good feminists!
DH had a slight preference for a girl.

Now we have one of each (girl then boy). So I got exactly what I wanted. If we had another I'd have a slight preference for a boy, but only so I'm not exactly repeating what my mum had (G B G)!

I have two boys and honestly never had a preference. When I had my 20 week scan the dr doing the scan said "it's a boy, oh you will be a queen in your house" I thought it was a lovely way to put it

I have 3 girls. With my last I had gender disappointment because I was hoping for a boy...

(She's 4 now and a little devil‐angel but I wouldn't swap her for the world)

A couple of questions that someone wiser than me may know the answer to:

Why are IVF babies more likely to be boys?

If you are 75% more likely to have a 3rd of the same sex if you already have 2 the same, does this apply if a man has a different partner and then subsequent children?

@SemperIdem From what I understand from going through the process, they implant embryos in order of grades (5AA being the best). For some reason, male embryos often reach blastocyst stage more quickly than girls so are given a higher grade and are therefore more likely to be chosen first for transfer.

@SemperIdem are those two things definitely true? Have you got a link?

I see a trend on Tik Tok alot which is 'When you realise when you become a grandparent, you are the grandparent on the dads side' - I guess because maternal grandparents tend to be more involved?

I see plenty of gender reveal videos where the Dad is upset its not a boy. I absolutely goes both ways.