Sex/gender disappointment- why is it always boys?

[Beautifulsunflowers]

I’m just interested- I don’t think I’ve ever seen a thread where the poster is disappointed at having a girl.

Surely there’s always a 50/50 chance of either sex.

I post this as the mother of two boys so maybe there’s something I’m missing. Im not trying to be goady - I’m genuinely curious.

i struggled with infertility and after successful ivf I was just so thrilled to be having a baby I really didn’t mind what sex I had.
Further ivf attempts failed so we went through the adoption process and the social worker asked us if we would like a girl as we already had a boy - she thought a girl would make our family complete - I told her that I just wanted a second child to complete our family, to be a sibling to our son. I couldn’t understand deciding on a second child but only wanting a particular sex.
In the event I discovered I was pregnant just before facing panel. I got my second child to complete my family - a second boy. I was delighted! I’d have been delighted either way.

So I’m just really interested in what makes people disappointed in having a boy? It does make me feel upset when I read those posts, as though boys are second best and not as valued as girls.

I wanted a girl and DH wanted a boy.

We got one of each but I experienced disappointment in my first pregnancy when I found it it was a boy.

I got over it.

People can't help what they feel.

No idea. It always seems to be boys on here.

IRL I wasn't fussed first time, had a son and then would have preferred a 2nd boy just so it would be easier in our 2 bed house.

Dp wanted a girl the 2nd time but wasn't disappointed as such. He was made up when DS2 arrived.

He'd probably have another dc if it was 100% guaranteed to be a girl. Whereas I know I'm done either way.

I remember reading an article about sex selection IVF available overseas, and one clinician said that most of the time if he picks up the phone and it’s a British client they will be asking for a girl. It’s just a national preference.

This fascinates me, and I wonder what's behind it.

I had two sons, then a daughter - and didn't receive a single comment.

It can't be geographically influenced - over the course of their childhoods, we lived in Lincolnshire, London, Sussex and Yorkshire (and 1 year in Northumberland!).

What are the circumstances under which people make these uninvited and unwelcome comments?

There seems to be a preference for girls in the UK.

The rest of the world still seems to very much prefer boys.

Remember that historically & still in many places of the world, the preference is for a boy. It's only relatively recently in some western cultures has a shift happened.

My mum is from a different culture. She always talked openly how disappointed she was she never had a boy (she was made to feel she 'failed' by her mother-in-low). Was beyond herself when she had a grandson.

I didn't care one bit but after a few years of raising a boy I feel exhausted, have white hair and am all wrinkled. Its largely his personality but I do compare him to friends' daughters and they seem so much easier.
I know I cannot do this again so no more babies here, however if I was guaranteed a (healthy) girl I could have been persuaded.

I've got both a DD and 2 DS's and my DS's are so loving and caring. I just wanted healthy DC.

you are on a female-targeted website where women are here seeking shared experiences and advice from other women- and you are confused as to why a lot of women have a sex preference for girls?

and if it’s DC2- why they may want a sister for their daughter?

….like men generally have a preference for boys?

Many men have "gender disappointment" over their daughters.

Gender disappointment is mostly shallowness and narcissism. People like to say it's complex, but that's rarely true - if it were, you wouldn't expect men to usually want sons and women to usually want daughters. There would be more variety. It's mostly about wanting a "mini me", which is narcissism in the extreme.

Statistics show that it's the baby girls being aborted not the boys - so if you cast net wider then I am all for girls surviving enough to be born in this world.

Boys are awesome. Mine lights up my world.

I have had 7 pregnancies and only one baby. I didn’t care one iota re the sex, I just wanted a child to love.

I think you’re very privileged to be blessed with a second child 💙

I have two boys, they are men now my youngest is 30 on Thursday. I had hoped for a girl, I think buried in me was the expectation that boys would leave and become part of their partner’s family while a girl would stay close to her mum. In fairness I do see some extremely sad posts on here from women who loathe their MIL’s and don’t seem able to tolerate their partners continuing a relationship with their mothers, clearly some MIL’s are very difficult; it just seems an awkward relationship sometimes.
I actually joined Mumsnet because I didn’t have a MIL and I wanted to know how to be a good one.
Anyway I was a right nightmare for my parents, my boys were sweet and lovely and I had a glorious relationship with them and continue to do so. I am still a little bit sad that I didn’t get a girl but I wouldn’t swap either of my beautiful boys for anything and I do now have two adorable grandsons and two gorgeous granddaughters. ☺️

I'm interested in this getting pregnant during an adoption process...did you still adopt?

Partly because there's so much stereo typing with things like daddy pig and Homer Simpson that make men look incompetent and women look more competent and able and it's also partly the men are much more likely to go into prison than women. Men are also more likely to commit suicide.

Men may earn more on average but women are actually much more likely to go to university also majority of people on Mumsnet are women and they often fantasize about a wedding.

There probably is some truth that if they have a daughter they'll be closer to them when they're older and play a key role with the Grandchildren.

I don’t get it. I might be unusual as I was secretly desperate for boys and nothing but boys. I was actually anxious in my pregnancies that I might be having girls 🥴

Not saying I don’t love my friends’ daughters and my nieces. But I have always had a strong affinity with boys and men. I could not be happier that I got my wish and I have 2 wonderful sons.

Of course there are exceptions - and posters often list them on here as if they aren’t exceptions - but the old adage of ‘a daughter’s a daughter for all of your life…’ is true in the majority of families. Whether we like to admit it or not.

Teen boys often (NOT always, before all the anecdotes come) become quite uncommunicative, esp with mum. And even before that, mums of boys can feel excluded if the boys are very into football etc and spend most of their time with dad, watching and playing it.

I don’t see many mums out shopping with their teen boys, going for coffees, seeing west end shows together (just examples off the top of my head). It’s a shame to have to keep reiterating this, but not all girls will do this, and some boys will. We’re talking general trends.

Then men don’t tend to phone/ hang out with their mums like women (NOT all) tend to do. Especially when they’re married. ‘Mummy’s boy’ has never been a compliment, especially for a grown man.

None of these things might be important to you, and that’s completely fair. But the question was why there seems to be a preference for girls in the UK, so they’re clearly important to many.

And finally, I adore my boys as much as I adore my daughters. But in many countries on earth the overwhelming desire is for a boy. Girl babies can be left to die. So I’m glad there are countries where girls are prized, tbh.

This question always baffles me. There is no mystery. It has nothing to do with baby boys. It’s to do with adult sons and it’s a tale as old as time.

Have you read any of the endless threads by women moaning about their MILs? Over involved, not involved enough, too nosy, too bossy, too close to their son, not close enough, they buy too much at Christmas, they don’t buy the right thing ever, they don’t cook the right thing, they live the wrong distance away, they want to hug the baby too much, they use a funny pet name for the baby, they wear perfume, they have old fashioned ideas, they breath too much etc etc ad nauseum.

This is why people have gender disappointment with sons. Because large numbers of DILs - if MN is any indication - hate or are indifferent to their husband’s mother. That’s the possible future with sons.

My DD wanted girls desperately…she got 2 …..her partner really wants a 3rd..,,she said she can’t risk it because it will likely be a boy …..she has friends like this 2…..me, I wasn’t bothered either way…..I got both in the end ..,,but wouldn’t have been bothered with all the same sex children

There's loads of gender disappointment around kids especially culturally (India/China).

I’m currently pregnant and having a surprise. I will be happy whatever we have but a boy definitely feels more scary an idea. Having a baby is such a massive change already, I feel like I understand women and girls well and grew up as one myself so it might come more naturally. My nephews are awesome though so I’m up for a challenge.

With a boy there is a definite fear of the unknown and I worry more about whether I will parent them well. I think with a lot of women this fear can lead to more of a preference for girls.

I think it's because girl clothes are cuter. Girl toys are sweeter, girls are seen as more compliant, cuter, easier. Having an adult daughter is seen as having a friend for life. I have two boys and I did have a fleeting moment of regret that I'd never have a daughter, but it was very short lived. Actually my experience is that boys are simpler to raise, their friendships are generally less fraught and I worry less about the teenage years. They come with challenges like all children do, but I'm glad I'm not raising a girl. Not because they're necessarily harder to raise but because the world is harder for them.

I almost think that a lot of this "boy regret" is overcompensating for a time when female children were genuinely seen as lesser. Perhaps subconscious but it could be a factor.

I can see your point, and it did cross my mind that if my future daughter in law takes a dislike to me that I might not see my grandchildren as much as I'd like. The thought made me sad. But this seems such a convoluted argument to prefer a girl child. You might end up not having a good relationship with a daughter, she might be so different from you that you have no common ground, or your sons might never marry anyway, or actually you might gain the daughter you never had in your daughter in law. Or perhaps your daughter marries a man who despises you and they end up limiting contact - being a MIL works both ways. You only have to read the threads on here to find all kinds of stories like this. So on balance I'm not entirely sure it's due to this.

I get there is an inclination to prefer your own sex because its familiar. I feel I have relived my childhood most with my DD and she is the person most like me in the world. I guess the ego is part of it. But truthfully I have learned much more about life and evolved more through my 2 boys. They are so completely different to me and each other in every way and they have made me a more rounded person. The same is true for my DH raising a girl. I think the world would be a better place if people didn't get what they want. That said anyone who moans about the gender of their child and doesn't stop to count their blessings if they have a healthy child needs an almighty kick up the backside.

Well it used to be boys that were preferred, and that's still the case in many parts of the world. It's swings and roundabouts imo