Men who wont date women their own age- ref flag or harmless preference?

[letherightonein]

Curious what people think about this. I was messaged by a man on OLD who is 63. I am 49. He seems friendly and fairly attractive but I notice in his profile that his preferences are set to women aged 40-60. Would it bother you that he clearly doesnt want to date a woman his own age- is that a huge red flag or just a harmless preference in your opinion? (sorry thats red flag in the title obvs)

Big red flag, slightly mitigated by it not being a 20-40 range. Plus you don't know he is 63. He could be 70.

If it was way below his own age I'd think red flag, but up to 60 doesn't seem like he's only dating women far younger than him.

How do you select age preferences on this site? Can he put it wherever wants it is it in 5/10 year blocks? Could he have put 50-63 as an option or was the next option 65/70?

How do you select age preferences on this site? Can he put it wherever wants it is it in 5/10 year blocks? Could he have put 50-63 as an option or was the next option 65/70?

You can specify the exact age so he must have deliberately picked 60. I dont know, it just makes me feel a bit weird. Why is 60 ok but not his exact age?

He could be 70

You're right. I hadn't considered that

Yeah that used to give me the Ick. It's so entitled.

Big red flag IME

Majority of men who do this are massive entitled wankers.

Some women go for older men so no don't see the issue

That's not the issue. It's the fact that these men rule out women their own age and will only consider younger women.

I have no probs whatsoever if people choose to date younger (eg they meet someone and get on great etc). But to say you wont date someone your own age is frankly odd to me. What's wrong with your own age?- it smacks of "well I'm different to others my own age" which is pretty gross to me personally

Again, not the same. There are probably less than 1% of women on dating apps who exclude men their own age in preference for younger men. All women I know would go for an age range roughly ten years younger to ten years older (give or take)
it's not about is it ok to date younger. It's about is it ok to exclude women your own age. It might be a preference but it says a lot about the man, nothing good.

I am 32 and have my preferences set at 35-45. Am I a read flag?

It’s a red flag. He’s not looking for an equal partner.

In my 60s and no longer attracted to significantly older men - those that relied on their looks and money to attract younger women seem to struggle in retirement.

At his particular age, I would wonder if he wants 'a nurse with a purse'. So essentially a younger model to look after him in old age.

It's a not something I would always say is a huge red flag, but for his age I would say it is.

As you age yourself he will be less interested in you, is one of the many issues with this. Another is that it reveals misogyny.

This is exactly my concern.

One thing about huge age gaps is retirement. Myself and the main cohort of my friends are all 54 to 65. Some have retired early and others are looking to retire. A huge gap like this at this age means a big differential in when people can retire.

There are many years when a 14 year age gap means nothing when both working. How would you feel if in 5 years they retire at state pension age but you still have to work FT till your state pension age. I am waiting for my DH to retire. He is almost 3 years younger than me. It was my choice discussed with him to retire early. He travelled between degrees for 2 years plus he did a PhD for 3.5 years so he is 8.5 years behind me NI and workplace pension wise. I mean I’m enjoying my retirement, voluntary work and new hobbies but we can’t do our travel plans till he finishes.

Red flag.
i think it speaks to “traditional” values 🥴
ie a trophy/status symbol and a cooking and cleaning nurse.

i wouldn’t mind but I know several gorgeous women in the 60s the men all look as rough as badgers arses and most have begun to transition into grumpy old men.
the fact he isn’t open to women the same age as him or a few years older tells me he isn’t looking for a meeting of minds… if you were you’d cast a wider net…

A red flag for what?

There is also the looking for a Katherine Parr aspect.

It says he only values women who have not yet aged as he has, so make of that what you will. His ageing is fine or even admirable, but the ageing of his female peers renders them undesirable in his eyes and not worthy of even consideration for a date.

Not at all but I am curious why you would rule someone out your own age- like, what difference does 3 years make? (assuming this is a hard line deal breaker for you and not just a general preference)

Well exactly @MiltonNorthern. OP has asked if not wanting to date women his own age is a red flag. I don't think it is as I don't want to either, it's a preference

Grown women of 40-60. Not set to 18 year olds.

YABU.

Fair point.