Men who wont date women their own age- ref flag or harmless preference?

[letherightonein]

Curious what people think about this. I was messaged by a man on OLD who is 63. I am 49. He seems friendly and fairly attractive but I notice in his profile that his preferences are set to women aged 40-60. Would it bother you that he clearly doesnt want to date a woman his own age- is that a huge red flag or just a harmless preference in your opinion? (sorry thats red flag in the title obvs)

Mainstream dating apps maybe, on the more shall we say 'niche' apps (hook up/sex) older women are more then happy to exploit the fact there are way more men on those sites allowing them to select the gym bunny 20 somethings (I don't balme them).

@letherightonein for me it's because I'm ahead of peers in career and housing and would prefer someone who can match that. I went on enough awkward dates with people my age who got weird about my career and weirder still about my house than I want someone more settled.

Disclaimer that this may because both are awkward topics in London where most single professional 32yos are still in a flat share now home owners.

I'm 50 and I would consider a 63 year old man too old for me.

I think some men over 50 assume women their age are menopausal/post-menopausal and won't be interested in sex.

Thank you for explaining - I do see where you're coming from

It partly depends on why. If he is still working full time and has no intention of retiring for at least 10 more years then it is reasonable for him to want someone with a similar mindset. (Which is probably someone younger.)

Otherwise - yep - after a “nurse with a purse” and rather distasteful.

I always dated older men. I wanted the classic - older than me, taller than me and with a better job than me. I know that is considered old fashioned, but at the same time that’s exactly what I wanted in a man and I wasn’t interested in being talked out of it.

No because men aren't fully mature at 32

OP

He sounds creepy AF

Looking for an older partner isn't the same as looking for a younger one!

Not many

Me too...but never ended well and tbh looking back..it was dirty old man territory

I am aware of that. And that's fine, because the purpose of a hook up is to have good sex not to have a life partner. And even if it was about looking for a life partner, older women looking for younger men isn't the same dynamic as older men wanting younger women.

Women of 40 are grown adult and can make up their own minds whether or not they wish to date a man of 60.
They don't need the wisdom of mumsnet to set them on the right path

Of course it's fine OP.

Men (generally), place a great deal of importance on physical attractiveness, and unless you are blind, a 40 year old woman is going to be more conventionally attractive than a 60 year old. It's not a judgement, just biology.

The issue is if he can find a 40 year old woman who would find a 60 year old man attractive. That's not going to be so easy.

That age would be a firm NO from me.
.

I agree with @ViciousCurrentBun I'm 53 and would find it difficult to date men who are retired as I am so far away from that!

Yes, in my experience all men on dating sites (or most) want to date younger than them. When I was first on dating sites when I was 45, I was approached by 55 year olds. Now I'm back and am getting a lot of interest from 60 year olds. It's a fact of (dating) life I think that these men are both looking for younger women and think that they can get them. I've never really been interested in dating men much older than me - I am at a stage in life, and I want men at the same stage.

The other thing is that I've not met one man who hasn't lied about their age on the sites. (Well maybe one or two). They all lie - especially if they are nearing 60! They clearly do not want to go out with women in their 60s. And they also very frequently put a different age on the headline and then in the blurb say something like, "not really 52 but don't look my age", or "not really 52 but act and feel younger"! If they don't 'fess up in the blurb, their photos give them away! They clearly are much older than they are admitting to, but for some delusional reason think they don't look it! (And from what the men say, the women are doing it too).

Yep! Women in the age range are old enough to be grandmothers. They more than capable of deciding if they want to date a man who's older than them.

I mean seriously, I'm surprised at the responses. Then again, I'm not because women are constantly infantilised if they step out of the MN approved line.

I am in my 40s and I would not fancy a man in his 60s. No way. I’ve always gone younger and that’s my personal preference- it’s based purely on whether I fancy someone, that’s important to me. Dh is nearly 8 years younger than me and we have been together 15 years now.

I also prefer a slightly older man and this seems to be the norm worldwide

The point is nothing to do with whether women should date older or not! It's about whether it's an issue for MEN to only want t date younger. Totally separate questions.

My aunt is 74 and very good looking and youthful. She put her age as 68 on her dating profile. Met up with someone who said they were 69 and had desired ages set to 50-70.
Transpired he was 82! He said he felt and looked so much younger he didn’t want to date ‘old women’
He was apparently a complete arse who looked every bit of 82.
So yes. If he’s looking for younger he’s quite likely to be even older than he’s saying.

Where do you want to be in ten years time? Still enjoying life or being tied to the UK with his health issues and inability to get travel insurance and thinking about care homes?

If he's 70 this is realistic. He'll be 80.

You'll still be 59.

He could be a lovely guy, but that's still the reality that you could be in effect giving up years of your life you still could enjoy because of his failing health.

Now is the time to make selfish life choices. Throw this one back. Better to be single for a few more years than do that.

But surely by putting that preference he's just appealing to women who are also looking for that sort of age difference? Otherwise he'd lie about it. Yes he might be actually a bit older still than he said but then any man could lie about anything on these sites. That's why I never did OLD and met DH through a shared interest instead. Incidentally he is older, but very young looking and in personality so it has been fine for our nearly 20 year marriage. And I took early retirement so the issue of different retirement dates didn't come up.

This is the issue with these apps, isn't it? When you meet someone organically there's a natural flow to things rather than setting out a shopping list for people to meet or otherwise.

The point is nothing to do with whether women should date older or not! It's about whether it's an issue for MEN to only want t date younger. Totally separate questions.

No. Men wanting to date mature women is not an issue, swipe left if you're not interested.