Men who wont date women their own age- ref flag or harmless preference?

[letherightonein]

Curious what people think about this. I was messaged by a man on OLD who is 63. I am 49. He seems friendly and fairly attractive but I notice in his profile that his preferences are set to women aged 40-60. Would it bother you that he clearly doesnt want to date a woman his own age- is that a huge red flag or just a harmless preference in your opinion? (sorry thats red flag in the title obvs)

Any chance he has been on the app 3yrs and it isn't clever enough to update the preferences as time passes? Long shot. I'd think red flag.

Eh? What do you mean mature women? The men in question are excluding women their own age, and exclusively looking for younger women. I am really not sure how the point of the question is passing you by so thoroughly.

@MiltonNorthern

40-60 is old enough to be a grandmother, it's a mature woman. Why would that be a red flag? There's no power imbalance, and they could be at the same point in life. Move along if you think he isn't to your taste.

You not getting that doesn't mean I'm misunderstanding anything.

Maybe he’s taking into account those who will lie? I don’t think it’s terrible. If you like him apart from that I’d meet up with him and see.

At a macro level a 'shopping list' is not a bad thing insofar as weeding out clearly incompatible people. When it becomes a prescriptive micro list of nice to haves and people get binned for being 6 months older then a set date or 1 inch shorter then a prescribed height then I think plenty of otherwise compatible people potentially miss out on meeting a life partner.

I guess at 40 most women have had their families and 60 year old women are still mobile and active . 63 is not old .

You'd be surprised. When I was online dating a few years ago I got messages from women of all ages, some as much as 20 years older.

But I certainly wouldn't see this as a red flag, we all have our preferences.

I always put 45 to 60...on.mine. im 52..young lads message...old enough to be my son... Its a no..i am suspicious of it. Same as older men with young women....young women with older men .old enough to be a parent. Yuk. Its not preference sometimes ,its entitlement because some are moldable or some have experience..

I must admit having younger men approach me has been the big surprise of getting older! Where were all these men when I was younger??

Whatever happened to "half your age plus 7 years"?

More fool them. Most women I know were way less interested and way less easy going during the perimenopause years. Post menopause they sort of revved up.

Not all of course. Some just became really old in looks and manner

So it was ok for her to lie about her age but it was outrageous that he did???

Absolutely more fool them. Yes everyone is different. Im very sexual...perimenopausal... and i think im pretty cool 🤣... I won't be dressing granny anytime soon or acting old

Red flag. Also because he doesn't seem to be in tune with how women read him (or worse he doesn't care). I mean, if I were a man looking for a woman 20 years younger, I wouldn't put it in my profile...I just wouldn't contact women my age. 😉

HUGE red flag. He's older but thinks he's different to women his age? Grotesque.. says EVERYTHING about his personality.

Going for older women I guess 😂

It seems not to occur to them that these younger women would not touch them with a barge pole 🤣
They can choose whatever preferences they wish but they seem to forget that hot young women will be interested in hot young men, not fat bald wrinkly grandads!

I must be a walking red flag. My partner is 21 years older than me, my previous partner was 26 years older than me.

You're getting some defensive replies OP.

The issue is not whether some men and women date or marry people who are significantly younger or older than themselves, it's about the fact the men as a species feel entitled to a significantly younger woman no matter how old or desirable they themselves are.

I would be very surprised if a 40 year old would date a 63 year old unless he was significantly wealthy or had something about him that really put him above the rest.

I recently met my brother for a drink and we were joined by a friend of his who is on the dating apps. Friend is early 50s, unemployed, overweight, on benefits, looks unkempt, has some health issues and lives in a council flat. And yet, he sat there and seriously considered asking the pretty young woman behind the bar that he'd been chatting to for a date. She was barely in her 20s. I though WTAF. Are you on drugs?

And if Mr fat and 50 asked Ms young and pretty for a date his inevitable humiliation at her response would have turned straight to rage no doubt.
I suspect he feels the universe ought to provide him a pretty young women to compensate him for his shit life, as if women were objects purely there to placate and soothe men rather than people with their own agency

The issue is not whether some men and women date or marry people who are significantly younger or older than themselves, it's about the fact the men as a species feel entitled to a significantly younger woman no matter how old or desirable they themselves are

This is exactly it. I dont care if people get into age gap relationships, it's not my business and if they're happy then good for them, I'm happy for them too. It's the attitude you outline that concerns me!

If it's gross to you that a 63 year old man puts his dating range as 40-60 you must of led an extremely sheltered life.

Eh? That doesn't make sense. What do you mean?

Oh well said.

Someone disagreeing with you isn't 'defensive'. You're not our mother telling us some home truths. I, and I'm sure others, have no vested interest, not in an age gap relationship.

Yes, a man with nothing to offer (who is very unattractive to basically all women) wanting a barely-20s woman is clearly delusional.

An established man in his 60s seeking a woman 40s-60 is not. Supply and demand - hell either find someone or need to cast his net wider.