Men who wont date women their own age- ref flag or harmless preference?

[letherightonein]

Curious what people think about this. I was messaged by a man on OLD who is 63. I am 49. He seems friendly and fairly attractive but I notice in his profile that his preferences are set to women aged 40-60. Would it bother you that he clearly doesnt want to date a woman his own age- is that a huge red flag or just a harmless preference in your opinion? (sorry thats red flag in the title obvs)

Sometimes it dawns on these men that much younger women are filtering them out of their searches.

Some of them then decide the solution is to knock several years off their own age. 🤦‍♀️ Complete waste of everyone’s time.

I know it's perceived as a red flag (and I understand why) but I really don't find men my own age attractive.
I'm married but if I wasn't I would definitely be looking for someone younger than me!

I don't really know what 'red flag' means in this context. People have their relationship preferences and ideally these would be compatible with yours, if you don't like his you should probably move on.

The person you would be looking for would then have to be someone who likes older looking women.

I don't have a preference. I just like whom I like. Some might be older. Some might be younger I don't understand this shopping list attitude. Looking for a particular age.

I would think many men in your selected age group are also wanting kids. 35-40. Lots of men who don't have kids would be wanting them.

Wow. So we lose value as we age according to you. Sad little old women in their 60s and above have no value to offer anyone. Ok.

@chuggachug
I totally agree, dh is 12 yrs younger than me and prior to meeting me had only dated women his own age!
If we'd both been looking online, we probably wouldn't have met.

No, don’t be stupid.

A man who doesn’t value his peers is either a shallow idiot hoping to find someone younger to bolster his dented ego about aging
or
the sort of pathetic bloke who knows women his own age see through his bullshit and hopes someone younger might fall for it.

A man who seeks to date someone 23 years younger than himself is a red flag to avoid. Not to mention delusional.

Weird site that allows you to see other peoples preferences in terms of height age etc ?

Not sure why that should be the case. On the sites I have used either you fit within the preferences and are matched or you don't and therefore don't see them. But the site doesn't tell you what the preference ranges are.

Well my exh is 69 and was hotly pursued by a woman in her forties. Can’t imagine what a single mother of 4 sees in a wealthy old codger of 69…

I'm 44: if, God forbid, something happened to my OH and I rather weirdly decided to jump back on the dating horse (as opposed to just getting more cats, which would be my preference), then I think it would be five years younger / 10 years older at an absolute push.

Ideally no younger, and no more than five years older.

I can't imagine what I'd have in common with somebody + / - 20 years of my age - that's almost an entire generation.

@AffIt - The thing you have in common is that you are both likely to be at your sexual peak.

That’s not what the poster is saying.

someone 23 years older ( example used by @LenaLamont ) doesn’t generally offer an equal relationship.

one is old enough to be the others parent.

that’s not to say it never works but it’s very very rare.

the older one will tend to offer financial security or some other kind of support, the younger will be more likely to end up a carer.

the main way that the stresses of an age gap marriage can be ironed out is with vast amounts of money ( to pay for IVF/carers etc or as compensation for the sacrifices made to make it work )

Maybe someone can invent some sort of AI that vets people before they are allowed to date.

It could stop old people dating young people, fat people dating thin people, smart people dating stupid people, beautiful people dating ugly people and rich people dating poor people, according to some pre programmed notions of what I think should be allowable in relationships, and then surely all relationships would meet with approval and be good and worthwhile.

Or we could just let adults decide for themselves what they want out of a relationship and the kind of people they want to meet.

Maybe he feels younger than his age and would prefer someone a bit younger/more energy? I think a lot of older men don't feel their age and a preference would be a lady a little younger than themselves. I didn't see it as a red flag at all.

I think a lot of older men don't feel their age and a preference would be a lady a little younger than themselves

"I think a lot of men are unwilling to accept they are aging and still think they're in with a chance of a younger woman."

Fixed it for you, @ChoccieEgg49

Both sexes have many people who feel younger than they actually are, this isn't something just men have. But it tends to be delusional men who think they can appeal to people 23 years younger, like the bloke in the OP at 63 hoping for a 40 year old woman.

There's a reason "god grant me the confidence of a mediocre man" is an expression.

Of course, it goes both ways I understand. Some men (and women) may look for someone younger though. I'm in my 40s and if single, would actually prefer a man late 50s/early 60s if I was looking to date! Men in general quite often have wives 10-15 years younger than them, so I don't find it a red flag particularly. If he was putting the age range he was seeking as 25-35 - then yes, red flags! But at 63 looking to meet a lady in her 40s or 50s doesn't smack of weirdo to me 🤷‍♀️

Fair enough, but this applies to any preference, man or woman.

Why is age any different to a man wanting a certain body type, or a woman wanting a 6ft man with abs?

Lots of people are shallow, maybe even a bit deluded about the type of person they're likely to attract. I don't see why it would be a 'red flag' when the potential aged 40-60.

People need to realise that just because you find something off putting doesn't make it a red flag. Hell either find someone who likes him, or he won't. Maybe he'll end up with a woman of 58, he's put a fairly wide range.

@StarlightLady Yeah, but presumably you do have to talk to them at some point?

The OP is not 40. She's 49. It's a 14 year difference not 23!

The bloke she is discussing in her post is 63, and is looking for women aged 40 and up, so is looking for up to a 23 year age gap, the old perv, the optimist.