DH blanking my DS

[matthancockscareer]

DH really struggles with DS19 just doesn't seem to "get him" he doesn't think he pulls his weight in the house but I disagree, he will do ANY job that you ask of him but he doesn't actively seek out jobs to do and DH thinks that he should. I've told DH to speak to DS (rather than me) and ask him to wash pots, empty bins etc but he won't he just seems to get more cross about it now to the point that when we're all in the same room together the awkward silence is terrible.
DS works F/T and DH is not his dad. DS is kind, polite, hardworking, DH is a wonderful man he just has VERY high standards that are sometimes hard to meet.

[Hereyoume]

Your son sounds a little lazy TBH.

Why do you have to ask him to do things?

[Obeast]

Are you allowing your bloke to bully your son?

[TabithaTwitchel]

I have the same set up - my son is 17

I would divorce my husband if he behaved like this to my child. I'm 'lucky' in that he is amazing with my son who can be a very typical teen!

Just tell him to piss off and take his high standards elsewhere. This can be so common with men who aren't the fathers of the older kids they're sharing a house with - show your son that he comes first and you don't sit back and let him be bullied in this way

[Hereyoume]

@Obeast

Are you allowing your bloke to bully your son?

🙄

[TabithaTwitchel]

And to be clear - a teenager being lazy does not deserve silent treatment and to be whinged about by a grown adult.

[Obeast]

What's the silly little emoji for? OP described her man treating her son poorly, and she seems to be allowing it.

[TabithaTwitchel]

@Hereyoume at you.

Yet another male bully apologist

[Mamette]

Can you give DS set jobs to do each day/ week.

[Hereyoume]

@TabithaTwitchel

I have the same set up - my son is 17

I would divorce my husband if he behaved like this to my child. I'm 'lucky' in that he is amazing with my son who can be a very typical teen!

Just tell him to piss off and take his high standards elsewhere. This can be so common with men who aren't the fathers of the older kids they're sharing a house with - show your son that he comes first and you don't sit back and let him be bullied in this way

It's not bullying FGS.

And if you are still putting your 17 year old son ahead of your DH then I struggle to see why your DH stays with you.

Would you put up with playing second fiddle to your Husbands 17 year old daughter if the roles were reversed?

[ViciousCurrentBun]

Your husband wants you all to himself and is a massive prick. How old was your DS when you got together and has he always been off with your DS.

[Hereyoume]

@Obeast

What's the silly little emoji for? OP described her man treating her son poorly, and she seems to be allowing it.

Her son is lazy ( no offence OP) and you are all calling bullying for her DH to mention it.

Not one of you would put up with it if the roles were reversed and you were coming in "second" to a lazy teenager.

[TabithaTwitchel]

@Hereyoume lol. Bless you.

[justforthisnow]

I just knew this man wouldnt be the DS dad.
As for "still putting your 17 yr old son before your husband", wow. Why wouldn't she put her child first? Thats how parenting works.

[Tatas]

Are you happy for your DH to parent your DS, or are you defensive of him? At 19 he should definitely be pulling his weight around the house and I can't imagine should need nagging to do chores!

Could you just set up a family chore rota then everyone knows what's expected and no one needs to pester the others? Then your DS gets involved with helping at home, your DH doesn't need to nag a grown man and you won't have to be a go between.

[TabithaTwitchel]

That weird poster is clearly just a bit hard of reading.

[MWNA]

@Hereyoume

Your son sounds a little lazy TBH.

Why do you have to ask him to do things?

Wot?! He's working full time and is always willing. Fuck your attitude.

[matthancockscareer]

DH is not a bully and I'm not "allowing" anything, I address this with DH. DS is oblivious to all of this btw, however like I said in my OP DS will do anything asked of him happily you just need to ask - he's not going to take it on himself to whip the vacuum around!
DH has know DS for about 6 years they've never been very close but it's definitely deteriorated recently.

[TabithaTwitchel]

So, if he's not a bully and your DS is oblivious and you've spoken to DH about ---- what's the problem?

[ThePunchBowl]

You shouldn’t have to ask. He’s a grown man, he has eyes and can see what needs doing.

He should have his own chores list to contribute to the family home.

Why have you brought him up to be so oblivious? How do you think he’s going to cope in his own place?

[SirChenjins]

Draw up a weekly cleaning rota for the 3 of you. Easy peasy.

[Hereyoume]

@justforthisnow

I just knew this man wouldnt be the DS dad.
As for "still putting your 17 yr old son before your husband", wow. Why wouldn't she put her child first? Thats how parenting works.

Because a 17 year old isn't a child.

Would you stay with a man who openly treated you as less important than their adult son or daughter?

[Hereyoume]

@MWNA

Wot?! He's working full time and is always willing. Fuck your attitude.

"Willing" is bollocks.

Presumably everyone in the house works full time, but apparently only the adult son has the luxury of sitting around doing nothing until he's told.

[Hereyoume]

@matthancockscareer

DH is not a bully and I'm not "allowing" anything, I address this with DH. DS is oblivious to all of this btw, however like I said in my OP DS will do anything asked of him happily you just need to ask - he's not going to take it on himself to whip the vacuum around!
DH has know DS for about 6 years they've never been very close but it's definitely deteriorated recently.

OP, you're just ignoring your sons laziness, there's no excuse for a 19 year old to be that clueless, your son knows what needs to be done, he just doesn't care enough to do it unless told.

[TheIceQween]

Your DH is acting like a petulant child. First he won’t even ask your son to do the jobs, but then completely ignores him and creates an unnecessary atmosphere. That’s childish

[justforthisnow]

@Hereyoume

Because a 17 year old isn't a child.

Would you stay with a man who openly treated you as less important than their adult son or daughter?

A 17yr old is not an adult either. "Treating you as less important" is an interesting take on prioritising your own childs welfare while they are still living at home and presumably still dependent. Yes, as I pointed out, thats literally parenting. Children are prioritised over adults until they are ready to stand on their own 2 feet.