Is this odd for me to ask? - DSs girlfriend?

[Isthisweirdthough]

Ds has been with this absolutely lovely girl for around a year now. I adore her.

I managed to get 2 very good tickets for a band I love, and I know that she loves them too. The tickets were expensive so I want to take a fan.

Is it odd to ask her? I've bought tickets for ds, her and me to go to a couple of things before and its been fine, but this would be me and her alone.

It would involve travelling and an overnight stay.

This is my sons first serious relationship and I really want to include her in stuff, but don't want to be too overbearing either.

Would you feel weird if your boyfriends mum took you to a gig alone?

The former Prime Minister at any gig would ruin it for me. Especially if I could not remember all the words of the police caution to ensure he is charged and arrested for the many offences he has committed.

Hope you enjoy the gig, whether your DSs girlfriend comes with you or not.

I had a close relationship with a former boyfriends mother. She used to come and stay with me at uni etc. We did lose touch when we split up as I found it all too difficult to navigate but I miss her more than the boyfriend! Nothing weird at all. Lovely to have good relationships with separate people.

She is unlikely to say ‘take me’.

I would never go to something like this with my MIL mainly because she has never described me as ‘lovely’ nor has she made much effort to really include me or to not be overbearing. I think you’re being really kind and I don’t think you should overthink it. Communication is key here just say to her ‘I’ve got 2 tickets, it’d be great if you could come but please don’t feel obliged cause I know it’d be a lot, an overnight stay with your boyfriends mum! I won’t be hurt if you say no at all ☺️ DS could always come with us but just us to the concert if he’s able and you’d rather. No pressure I’ll leave it with you, you let me know ☺️’

if she has bought you a family necklace, you have already made her feel so welcome. You’re going to be a fantastic MIL.
enjoy the concert x

Another vote for asking her. It’ll be a fun experience for you both. If you and your son are close then he’ll surely be happy to see his mum and his girlfriend have a great time together. You sound a kind person, OP. All the best to you.

Don't message her saying 'not sure who to take, who should I take?' She's very unlikely to suggest herself. She might even wonder if it's passive-aggressive.

I also wouldn't wait until you see her next week as it potentially puts her on the spot. Just text her a simple message to say you've secured some brilliant tickets and you'd love her to come with you, if she can make it. You don't need to say anything else or overthink it.

The 2-bedroom apartment thing is a bit intimate. Only you know if you have that sort of relationship with her, OP? As you've said, if you ask her she will probably say yes but whether that's from genuine delight or obligation, it's hard to say. Only you know...

Difficult. Very difficult actually. I wouldn't ask her, I'd take one of your other children and sidestep the issue entirely. Just too much potential for it to go all a bit wrong.

I like the idea from PP though that your son is invited to stay at the apartment, whilst you and his girlfriend go to the gig, that would be perfect.

I'll tell her I have 2 but not sure who to take then she can either say herself, or suggest someone else?

If someone said they had tickets and didnt know who to take I would find it very cheeky to invite myself along. So she may then feel awkward. It also may feel like you are trying to make her beg and do a pick-me dance if you say "I dont know who to take". I think its a lovely gesture to invite her though. You could even take your son with you and he stay in the apartment. Dinner beforehand, with him, then he entertain himself while you go.

You sound like the kind of MIL most girls dream of!
I think it's lovely. Maybe text her, rather than put her on the spot face to face. Say you have 2 tickets and would like to give her first refusal as you know she likes the band, but no worries if she doesn't fancy it or has other plans (gives her a get out clause comfortably if she isn't feeling it)

I think the best thing to do is just ask her - say if she's not comfortable with the idea, you completely understand and will not be offended.

My DD20 gets on very well with her bf’s mum. I’ve met her and she seems very nice. I think it’s a lovely gesture and is not overstepping because you k ow you both like the same band. So just say you have tickets but wanted to give her first refusal but you can ask someone else.

Also, some of the replies to this thread are so brutal and odd to me. I think it's really nice that you want to take her along. It's thoughtful and would be a lovely fun bonding thing for the 2 of you to do together! You don't sound full on or weird in any way whatsoever to me, infact you come across as a very considerate, thoughtful person. It's 💯 a nice thing to invite her along. Don't overthink it - my bet is she'll be chuffed to bits you're inviting her to see one of her favourite bands live! Please Ignore any negative posts here 🙄 and have an amazing fun time!

I agree. My dd would be really touched if bf's mum did this.

I don't see the drama or why it needs to be a family trip. Just ask her OP

I agree - it's a 2 room apartment, so you can go to the concert, then do the family stuff. And she/he can do something while you do mum stuff.

But her DS can’t get time off .

Thank you all.

I'm definitely not going to do the hinting thing, that was a rubbish idea I had, I will just ask her outright.

Maybe I will text her rather than ask her face to face and then she will have time to think and respond without feeling put on the spot.

How does this sound?

Hi DIL (joke 🤣) I managed to get 2 tickets to see take that on X date, I know you're a massive fan too so just wondered if you would like to come, I know you work nights and may not be able to get time off so no pressure at all, I've booked a 2 bed apartment for the night, and the whole thing will be my treat if you're available. If not, don't worry I'll get you a Tshirt and take loads of photos. See you on Tuesday anyways xx

I'm so sorry that so many of you don't have nice MILs, I don't know why anyone would treat the person their child chooses to be with anything but kindly.

I know I can be a lot, but I really am trying not to be over bearing, or under bearing, but I'm not sure where the right amount of bearing is 🤣

Thanks for all your advice 💐

That message is really lovely, but tone it down a bit.

"Hi name I managed to get 2 tickets to see take that on X date, I know you're a massive fan too so just wondered if you would like to come? I'd love you to join me if you're not busy. It's my treat. x"

I think I would suggest the 4 of you go overnight, DS & DP can do something together while you go to the concert then all meet afterwards at a bar. DS and GF can have a bit of time together before the gig as can you and DP.

Perfect! Please let us know how it all goes 😄

That would be the name of my autobiography "That's lovely, but tone it down" 🤣

Ds very likely won't be able to come, and I'm definitely not taking dp, what if Howard sees me from stage, falls madly in love with me, and wants to whisk me away for the night? 🤣 I'm sure chubby 40 something over anxious women are his type, right?

OK, I'm sending a text now, nervous wait, I'm not sure if she's working tonight or what so she may not respond until tomorrow.

Good luck! Be cool, be calm...

I was a bit negative in an earlier post - but honestly, i think that text is spot-on. Have fun (but Howard's mine).

She responded in 3 seconds flat 🤣

Yes she is coming, she said if she's on shift she will simply quit her job. I told her it's all my treat, and she has said she will buy the wine and will get us Tshirts. She is very excited and not weirded out at all.

So I managed to create a massive drama in my head about absolutely nothing.

Thank you all, I am so excited about this gig, and so happy I'm going with another massive fan.