Did you get love and affection from your parents as a child?

[PennyLany]

And as a result, what type of parent are you with your DC?
Do you feel that the amount of love, attention and care that you have or haven’t received has shaped you as the adult you are today and how so?

No, not at all.

I tell my ds I love him, every day.

Despite being 15 and huge he still sometimes gives me a hug for no obvious reason. 😊

Nope, my mother repeatedly told me she never wanted a girl sorry about my vagina Mum and acted accordingly. I never got love or praise, unless ut was in front of someone else to impress them.

Now I over love my kids, tell them all the time I love them and I'm proud of them, make up songs, leave notes.... they hate it 🤣🤣

Growing up in the 70's I don't think parents were as demonstrative as they are now. I knew my parents loved me but there weren't regular hugs or I love yous.

I love my kids more than anything and tell them 20,000 times a day. And kiss and hug them just as much. I don't think I was given that much affection as a kid, but I wasn't completely starved of it.

My mum didnt cuddle us or tell us she loved us growing up, it really hurt me as a child/teenager and I grew up feeling very unloved.

As an adult in my 30's, I know she loves us and she shows it in her own way and really understand why she was the way she was. She had a very difficult childhood.

With my own kids we say love you to each other several times a day aswell as cuddles/compliments. My 7 year old DS is particularly loving and its lovely

I make up nice songs about my DC too 😅 somtimes they love it other times they get annoyed aha

Yes lots. And respect and support. And the same to this day. I think my self confidence and resilience comes at least partly from that.

My stepdad was vile and never showed any affection but my mum was lovely. I’m totally the opposite with my son and I always tell him how much I love him and what an amazing lad he is .

Born in the 60s and love and support was very much a part of my experience from both parents. We all still say love you and have hugs now they are in their 80s. Same with my 4ds and 1dd who are 18 to 38.

I was loved, and never doubted it, but parenting was lax, and tipped onto neglect in some regards. My mother was a single parent who struggled and I suspect may have been depressed, but would have never sought help due to perceived stigma. She had an even more difficulty childhood, so there's also an element of generational trauma there.

I'm doing my best, in many way I do a better job, but I'm constantly afraid of failing them. I'm constantly their for the kids, at 4&7 they're almost never alone, even if they'rejust playing I'llsit in the room with them. I probably go overbord to make sure they're never hungry (a prevailing memory of my own childhood), by making separate food to accommodate preferences and always having snacks they like available (they are healthy weight).

However the house is way messier then I would like, which can't be good for them, and I have to set reminders in my phone to make sure they get bathed and brush teeth enough. I wish that kind of basic life stuff was ingrained, but it's not the life I lived, so even now it feels like I'm consciously acting out the script of someone else's life.

I do little songs too, mainly... Kids and grown ups love him so my little chubby Harrybo. (His name is Harry) I sing it at least once a day, he's 22 now and I think he secretly likes it.

I was never told, My mum used to tell me she wished she'd had an abortion from around age 8.. she's an Evil bitch and I haven't spoke to her in years.

Not as much as you'd expect these days or even as much as some friends (eg they, in the 70s, were told they were loved, mine didn't). My dad was quite buttoned up but my mum tended to blow hot and cold and blatantly get upset if we held friends' mums' hands "you love her more than me, poor me". She's still like this and we make sure we advocate for our DCs when she tries to tell them they have upset her.
My DH parents were also not affectionate (they were older - adults during WW2) but they were loving and straightforward. So I do find if I'm not sure if I'm overreacting to my parents style, he can tell me.

No, very rarely was I showed affection. I have always been determined to show my DS’s my love for them. They are adults now, and very affectionate, kind and caring young men.

My parents never showed affection or told me they loved me. I tried to be the opposite as a parent but still don’t think I was demonstrative enough. Particularly when they were teenagers.

One was OTT about it in words: lots of ‘I love you to the moon and back’ etc. But lax in most other areas of parenting.

It’s made me recognise that actions speak louder than words.

I'm another whose parents never told me they loved me, and they were very unaffectionate. I was a bit better, I think, with my own kids but I was still not affectionate enough.

Mid 70s born and was shown lots of love and affection by both parents. My dad never really experienced affection so he was particular about showing it. My mum came from a very close loving family but it wasn’t always unconditional and that’s what she brought to us as kids. I make sure both my kids have unconditional love and affection, especially when I or they are pissed off because it doesn’t change how we feel.

No, none at all. She despised me from the moment I began to have thoughts of my own.

Made me great around animals, as they were the only source of physical affection or comfort around. Not so good with the kids, though, as I was constantly hearing things like I was creepy for breastfeeding, cuddling or telling them that I loved them, so I was always half expecting them to push me away and never felt truly confident as a mum, thanks to the criticisms sticking in my head.

As a generalisation, I'd agree with this.
I'm sure there will be exception, but "society" as a whole wasn't as demonstrative as some people are now.

I grew up 100% confident I was loved, but we weren't a family to tack it on to the end of every sentence (mind, nor did we with our own dc growing up). It doesn't need to be said outloud to know it is true.

Yes, we were told we were loved. I am very affectionate with DD, as are her grandparents. X

We used to get lots of love and affection, but we also used to regularly get a damned good hiding from them. It was a confusing childhood.

No not really. I am with my children although I don't go as far as kissing and hugging at the school gate which I think is an odd thing to do whilst people are trying to walk in.

Not at all off my mom. She was very cold and I was quite terrified of her.

Lots of affection from my dad though and as an adult I feel a lot closer to my dad. My mum can still be quite cold.

As a result I absolutely shower my kids with love, praise, kisses and cuddles etc. it’s important to me that they know they are very loved.

No.

I know that my mother didn't love me, she let it slip years ago. It gave me the permission I needed to go NC with her and was a relief that I wasn't mad when I doubted her love for me.

I tell my now adult DD I love her a lot.

Most of my parenting style has been the direct opposite of my parents'.

I had a lovely relationship with DF and felt loved but think looking back DM was too hurt and damaged herself to be anything other than mostly angry or distant . They are both gone now .

My children hear ‘I love you daily’ . We are much closer than I ever was to my parents . I was always determined to do a better job . I hope they will be happy looking back as adults 🤞