Did you get love and affection from your parents as a child?

[PennyLany]

And as a result, what type of parent are you with your DC?
Do you feel that the amount of love, attention and care that you have or haven’t received has shaped you as the adult you are today and how so?

A childhood of trauma and unfit mother. Dad provided some stability but we didn’t live with him.
I believe I’m a loving and kind mum. Maybe I should have better boundaries (be less kind) and I think in part being a laissez faire mother is a reaction to having had a hard upbringing.

I grew up in the 70s and my parents were very loving. Not so much in that they didn't tell us every day, but more in their actions and they were just lovely. I miss them very much.

I tell my kids I love them every day and am a cuddler.

I agree with this. My parents were very loving and caring parents but not as demonstrative as modern parents (both born in the 1930s). My Dad got more affectionate as he got older, and my Mum also started to say “I love you” when saying goodbye on the phone.

I think I got a lot of love and attention, but not affection. I always knew (and know) that my parents were there for me 100% unconditionally, but my mother has never, ever told me she loved me. She might have hugged me as a small child, but not in my memory. Dad was marginally softer and more willing to talk about feelings and he says indolent have a lot of physical contact as a child becuase I didn't want it.

I've tried to be different with my 2, but TBh I have found they don't want to be hugged, it makes them uncomfortable.

My parents to this day have never said they love me and are not affectionate at all.

I think it’s made me a loving and affectionate parent as I never want my kids to feel the way I felt growing up.

2 of my brothers died when I was 6 and 7 so my parents were quite preoccupied with their own grief for a few years and I remember tiptoeing around them for quite a few years - I still kind of do. I'm sure they loved me and my 2 remaining siblings but I often felt like an inconvenience and tried really hard not to give them any trouble and I don't remember much affection.

I tell my DS daily that I love him and I have made a conscious effort to make sure he feels loved and important. He gets lots of hugs and cuddles but tells me that he doesn't want me to kiss him as he is not a baby anymore.

Lots of love and affection and attention from my parents. Verbalised and shown to me. I was born in 1968 if that makes a difference. Always shocked and horrified by so many people on here who've not experienced this from their parents.

Oh and I'm always saying it two my dc. In fact I just got a message from 24 year old ds saying he loves me. For no reason other than he felt like it.

Yes, lots. My parents were/are very affectionate, and I am very affectionate with my DC. I think most people do the best job at parenting that they know how to - it helps massively if you've been taught the way of it by your own parents.

Yes, a huge amount, especially from my mother who was endlessly warm and affectionate. She'd lose her temper and shout sometimes but she'd apologise if she'd overreacted. She really cared about how me and my siblings were feeling. Even now when we're all grown up she still says 'you're only as happy as your happiest child' and really cares about our happiness. It gave me a great grounding for life. I am also very loving and affectionate to my very young child.

I should have added that my dad was less demonstrative in his love and not exactly
affectionate. But I did still feel he loved me. Things like being gentle and showing an interest in my life made me feel loved.

No.

My parents were very loving but didn’t have much money. I always felt loved and happy. They were firm with rules though. DM was. Sahm and so was I for 7 years . I’m the same with my now adult DC though we have more money so help them out more than my parents did.

70s child and no, never. My mother was cold. I don’t think she loved me or cared really. I tell DS every day, twice usually that I love him.

Father: sure, but found it hard to show it much. My brother was his mini-me while I mostly seemed to perplex or amuse him.

Mother: I still don't really know. Cold, prone to acting up, performatively loving if others were watching.

Now Mythologised Moment: when they both stormed out after some 'I'm leaving' / "no I'm leaving" argument and my brother asked me if they were coming back.

My Parenting: not turning into them. In a way I try to be the parents I sometimes wished I had had. However, inside I have a version of my mother, just more ruthless but able to keep it under control.

Long Term Effects: I'm still puzzled. It just seemed normal and my brother and I just had to have each other's backs. I also just got on with things, especially school(s) - plural because it was one country for a while then another. We didn't lack for physical things, just emotionally childhood switched between up, down and 'what's the next trick?'

@BurbageBrook You mean “ Only as happy as your unhappiest child.”

Yes, I did from my mum however she was a single mum and she never hid how miserable she was being single, she was desperate to meet someone and when she did she ignored that he wasn't actually very nice to me. When I became a single mum I vowed that I'd never be miserable and I'd never have a man living in my house with my child.

The more I read things like this the more grateful I am.
I always felt loved by my parents. My dad is such a gentle giant. At times my relationship with my mum was fragile, she struggled with her mental health, we always had money troubles and she was a strict disciplinarian (to the point I was often scared of her).
as I got older I realised how young my parents were when they had me and my siblings (22 and 25), how isolated they were (no family to help and we lived in the middle of nowhere). My mum never really liked herself until post menopause, and that sometimes reflected on what she said and how she acted with her daughters.

my relationship with my parents is brilliant now. I think part of that was my mum learning to accept herself, and in turn accepting us for who we are and not who she thought we would become. I also went to therapy to learn to understand my mum and to understand myself which helped to let go of some pain.

we still hug and kiss and say I love you. They are the best grandparent to my DD. My dad is her favourite person, my DD is my mums world.
I think I parent how my parents grandparent. Loving her just as she is, supporting her, listening to her. With lots of love and hugs and little adventures.

Not at all. No hugs, no kisses, rarely any praise. But that was normal where I grew up, I didn't see any of my friends' parents behaving any differently. Probably a reason I was desperate to have boyfriends when I was a teenager, everybody needs some affection.
I behave very differently with my kids.

No I didn't, from either. However, this has changed greatly with my mum especially since I've had children. I can look back and see how repressed she was.

My kids hear and hopefully see/feel how much I love them. I am a very affectionate mum, and it's reciprocated and I feel it from them ☺️

Grew up in the 90s/early naughties.

Never had love or affection.
My parents do try to hug me on occasion now and I hate it. I hate affection from any adult eg parents, siblings, friends.

With my kids, I hug them loads and tell them loads that I love them. My 10 year old is the least affectionate DC and I hug him a number of times every day.

Just to add. I remember taking my parents to lunch to tell them I’d graduated from my professional qualifications. She cried and told me how proud she was. Her parents had never said they were proud of her and that definitely came across on how much expectation she had of our successes. It was the first time she’d said something like that. I knew then how much my mum had healed from her upbringing, and Overcoming of her mental illness. And I’m so proud of the work she has done in her later life to let go of the past. I still cry every time I think of that moment. I’ve had some really magical moments with my mum as an adult.

No physical shows of affection at all, no hugs or contact. Not even allowed to sit on the same sofa. Only critique and made to feel inferior. I’m the absolute opposite with my children. Oddly she has now had a total turn of heart and wants/expects constant hugging and cuddling up and verbal expressions. And I can’t bear it it makes me recoil and clam up and she wonders why…….

I got lots of love. I'm a very loving and affectionate mum.

They loved me and we got hugs but they never ever said it. The first person who told me they loved me was a little girl I babysat for when I was 16. I didn't know what to say back!

Like others I tell my daughter I love her all the time.