How do I tell my neighbour I can hear her?

[BoomBoomBoomLemmeHearYouSayWayOh]

We moved in semi-recently and I can hear my neighbour having sex.

First time I thought it was a one off (maybe his birthday, 😂) as I didn't hear anything the first few months.

But now 2 or 3 times a week I can hear her (only her not him) as if she's in my hallway!
It's not a creaky bed or anything that can't be helped, it's loud, dramatic moans and 'yes, yes' type stuff

I have preteen/young teen kids who can clearly hear her too and it's really starting to piss me off when she starts.

DH and I manage to have sex without the whole house knowing. Never mind the neighbours.

I don't know her that well so I don't know whether to

A) bang on the wall (which I did last time but it was only my fist and I don't think she could hear it over her own squeals, so next time I'll use a shoe)

B) Wait till I see her and say something, which I have planned to do but just not seen her and I feel knocking on her door is way too intrusive. And WTF would I say.

C) put a note through the door. But again WTF do I write?

I feel almost rude asking her to keep it down in her own home but it's embarrassing sat in bed reading, listening to her howling.

A few nights ago DS was sat in bed with me and she started and he was so embarrassed.

Love the ads I'm getting mid thread

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ha ha, thats so funny! 😂

I had this once many years ago. Lived in London at the time. To set the scene - two streets of houses, mostly divided into flats, with back-to-back gardens. It was a really hot summer night, so everyone had their windows open …

Loud moans, YES, YES, YES! Followed by a scream of pleasure and then silence … until someone pipes up, “YOU GO GIRL!”. At which point the 30+ people who had heard it all burst out laughing. It didn’t happen again.

I would try inviting her in for a coffee ☕️ and get to know her first, I had a similar problem once and we invited them round for a drink. After a couple of drinks we mentioned it and although she went bright red they laughed it off and we didn't hear her but we would let them know if we were going away. They also looked after our house whilst we were on holiday. I think a note through the door isn't very polite and could make things worse.

The note through the door is just creepy on so many levels, don"t do it.

Maybe try joining if you can't beat them join them

Dear Banging Brenda

I was wondering if you would share some tips. You sound like you are having so much fun on such a regular basis, and I wondered if you would share some of your tips with all the neighbours so we can all up our game.

Yours

Embarrassed Edna.

Knock on their door maybe and ask if you can be "sound engineer" on their next video. I reckon they (is it "they" or just her?) know you can hear and don"t care, the thing with a lot of people nowadays is that they feed off any kind of attention, negative or positive, and just escalate when they have that attention, on the other hand the thing they can"t handle is being laughed AT and knowing that you are taking the piss out of them, that will calm them down better than complaining and creepy notes through the door.

Bursting out laughing likely the best, as someone mentioned upthread, or an OMG what is going on next door it can't be that amazing said at full volume.

Had this back in the day only in a student flat. Then BF (now DH) and I started mimicking them. Random girl asked, "do you think they can hear us?" Flatmate said no and they carried right on, but flatmate said he was trying so hard not to laugh it nearly put him off his stroke!

Do you live in a new build or 60s house by chance? I only ask as we live in a 60s end of terrace and I can hear the neighbours dog fart, as if he were sat in my own lounge. Poor build quality sadly. Before you make an enemy, would it be worth investigating cavity insulation costs and asking if they fancy going halves? If you can hear them - THEY can definitely hear you.

I think I will either in a conversation or a note mentioned that I can hear so much from her house and apologise if she can hear anything from mine. Just be like I've noticed the walls are so thin and I hope that we're not bothering you...

Could you get up close to the wall and let out a loud fart as they are climaxing, would that work to distract them and let them know you are laughing at them?

I too can feel the embarassment especially after realizing that your kids too hear them having fan😔.

The problem is that women of this type this that it's quite normal.

You can use a note politely to make your concern reach her^^

There is being polite and being “ from another era “ . If people want y be heard while sex I call that Exhibitionism. As far as I’m aware having sex is a private act , not something I need to share with the neighbors , my children work their children .

Sorry I think a note is so cringe.
Least said soonest mended.

Far better to have an annoying song that you turn on every time to drown it out.

I know you don't want to disturb neighbours on the other side, but if its played right next to the wall with the speaker turned that way, it wouldn't have to be so loud... and instead of wondering how much you can hear etc as they might with a note, they will know exactly what you can hear.

Then you can all pretend it never happened

Another option is call the police , play dumb , pretend you think she was getting hurt . At least she knows you heard her

If she's that loud she's probably faking it anyway.

What a pathetic waste of police time, knowing there is no crime

A note through the door is ultra creepy, they could maybe phone the police about that?

I reckon she is doing live stream videos, could you log on to her site and send a message saying "SHUT THE FUCK UP I am trying to sleep next door"?

Change your wifi to "we can all hear you brenda!"

When we had a young baby and were too knackered to DTD, we had to listen to our 80yo neighbours having loud sex to Engelbert Humperdinck on repeat til they finished!

Get the AC/DC vinyl out - "Squealer!...when I held her hand....etc. etc." then laugh loudly when it is finished, they will get the message and the bloke might get distracted enough to not perform then they will both be annoyed and stop so everyone can get some sleep, LOL.