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Original poster

How do I tell my neighbour I can hear her?

448 replies

BoomBoomBoomLemmeHearYouSayWayOh · 07/03/2024 18:17

We moved in semi-recently and I can hear my neighbour having sex.

First time I thought it was a one off (maybe his birthday, 😂) as I didn't hear anything the first few months.

But now 2 or 3 times a week I can hear her (only her not him) as if she's in my hallway!
It's not a creaky bed or anything that can't be helped, it's loud, dramatic moans and 'yes, yes' type stuff

I have preteen/young teen kids who can clearly hear her too and it's really starting to piss me off when she starts.

DH and I manage to have sex without the whole house knowing. Never mind the neighbours.

I don't know her that well so I don't know whether to

A) bang on the wall (which I did last time but it was only my fist and I don't think she could hear it over her own squeals, so next time I'll use a shoe)

B) Wait till I see her and say something, which I have planned to do but just not seen her and I feel knocking on her door is way too intrusive. And WTF would I say.

C) put a note through the door. But again WTF do I write?

I feel almost rude asking her to keep it down in her own home but it's embarrassing sat in bed reading, listening to her howling.

A few nights ago DS was sat in bed with me and she started and he was so embarrassed.

OP posts:
GenevièveSapha · 08/03/2024 14:28

That's the price you pay for owning a semi... 🤷🏼‍♀️

..... and why does everyone have to bring the 'kids' into anything 'sexual'... OMG... educate them... they won't 'melt'...

4610J · 08/03/2024 14:32

GenevièveSapha · 08/03/2024 14:28

That's the price you pay for owning a semi... 🤷🏼‍♀️

..... and why does everyone have to bring the 'kids' into anything 'sexual'... OMG... educate them... they won't 'melt'...

What? You think it's OK for a child to have to listen to that noise coming from their parents. What kind of family did you grow up in or have now? Nobody wants to hear their parents having sex.

RosieTheChi · 08/03/2024 14:35

GenevièveSapha · 08/03/2024 14:28

That's the price you pay for owning a semi... 🤷🏼‍♀️

..... and why does everyone have to bring the 'kids' into anything 'sexual'... OMG... educate them... they won't 'melt'...

Because we don't want young children hearing sexual activity 🤔. Would you let them listen to the audio of a porn movie?

Moggi · 08/03/2024 14:48

I changed my WiFi name to let the neighbours know I could hear them once - was anonymous and worked!

SpatulaSpatula · 08/03/2024 14:49

She is going to continue being your neighbour so agree with avoiding actually saying sex and saying that your kids are hearing quite intimate noises.

oakleaffy · 08/03/2024 14:52

IHateLegDay · 07/03/2024 18:20

I'd leave a note saying,

"Hi, it's BoomBoom from next door.
I'm not sure if you're aware but the walls between our houses are quite thin and I don't mind hearing the day to day noise but recently we've been hearing more intimate sounds. I'd normally not say anything but with children in the house, it's not something I want them to hear.
If you want to chat, please text me on *** and we'll arrange a time to have a coffee xx"

That’s a really good response
But I’d not be wanting the coffee!
it would be too cringe 😂

DontWasteMyTime · 08/03/2024 14:55

Reallyitsonlyme · 07/03/2024 18:39

We had this is an old house. DH and I just stood on the other side of the wall and burst out laughing quite loudly at her performance. It did seem to stop it.

😂😂😂

oakleaffy · 08/03/2024 14:57

GenevièveSapha · 08/03/2024 14:28

That's the price you pay for owning a semi... 🤷🏼‍♀️

..... and why does everyone have to bring the 'kids' into anything 'sexual'... OMG... educate them... they won't 'melt'...

Not everyone can afford a detached house- In London there aren’t many anyway-

No one as a child wants to hear people having sex.
It’s horrible, inappropriate and embarrassing.

oakleaffy · 08/03/2024 15:00

Mouldiwarp1 · 08/03/2024 13:12

I had this once many years ago. Lived in London at the time. To set the scene - two streets of houses, mostly divided into flats, with back-to-back gardens. It was a really hot summer night, so everyone had their windows open …

Loud moans, YES, YES, YES! Followed by a scream of pleasure and then silence … until someone pipes up, “YOU GO GIRL!”. At which point the 30+ people who had heard it all burst out laughing. It didn’t happen again.

Brilliant !

oakleaffy · 08/03/2024 15:02

Stopwiththedamnrain · 08/03/2024 14:27

When we had a young baby and were too knackered to DTD, we had to listen to our 80yo neighbours having loud sex to Engelbert Humperdinck on repeat til they finished!

Are you sure they weren’t just struggling to put their socks on??

BrassyLocks · 08/03/2024 15:03

Only put a note if you're sure who it is. We once put a note through a neighbour's door and it turned out it wasn't them, it was the people TWO DOORS AWAY!! It was kinda funny at the time because the whole street was in uproar but no one could positively identify the culprits. It wasn't just at night either, it was at different hours of the day. Also, you don't know who might pick up the note, so I'd go for a conversation woman to woman.

Caravaggiouch · 08/03/2024 15:04

She’ll know exactly what she’s doing. Noisy performers always do.

IncompleteSenten · 08/03/2024 15:10

SoOutingWhoCares · 07/03/2024 19:57

@cardibach Ouch…sympathies! I had this awful moment on an Education conference once.

It was the third/final day, the previous two nights I’d been kept awake by a couple having sex for HOURS in the room above, til after 3. She was moaning and screaming like a banshee and they seemed to be intent on breaking every surface. They were bonking loudly all over the bed, on the desk, up against the wall, the windowsill, the shower. I actually didn’t realise it was possible for sex to go on like that…they’d only stop for what seemed like minutes at a time only to start up again. I wondered if there was more than one couple but he was distinctive vocally. To make it worse she sounded horribly young and was saying things like “hurt me” “hurt me harder” and he was jackhammering away and then slamming her down on the desk etc.

Anyway, I’d made friends with a very loud, very camp, no filter sort of guy. When I walked in after the second night of being kept up til after 3, he said “oh no not again, you look EXHAUSTED DOLL, were the pornstars at it again?! Dirty buggers! Has she not got cystitis yet?!”

Then in all seriousness we spoke about mentioning it to the hotel, I started saying I was concerned about her age etc and felt uneasy. He said Premier Inn offer a good night’s sleep guaranteed and joked I might get my money back.

Then he goes, “Wait a minute, Sarah…aren’t you in the Premier Inn as well? Have you not heard the pornstars? You might get your money back too!” Then relayed the whole story but louder, camper, more animated and sweary to most of our small group…including the cystitis comment. Sarah was very quiet and mousy, about 22 had just started teaching and she was attending with her Dad, Graham, who was a retired headmaster in his 60s that she was very codependent with, “just here to support Sarah as it’s my old school she’s starting at - keeping it in the family!” She looked really embarrassed and shy and went quiet and sort of shut down like she didn’t want to be involved. She seemed a bit innocent and it was a vulgar conversation so I felt sorry for her.

I said, “of course, Tommy, she doesn’t want to have this sort of chat around her Dad for goodness sake shut up!” Then she pipes up, “Dad? He’s not my Dad, he’s my HUSBAND”. Same last name…we’d just assumed.

To avoid the awkwardness, Tommy goes, “oops, erm..well anyway let’s try and get you your money back! What room are you in Outing? Sarah if you’re nearby you can say you hear it too and back each other up.”

I say 226.

Sarah “can’t remember, but we slept fine anyway.”

Graham has been engrossed in a chat with another older man on his other side and is oblivious.

Tommy: “Oi, Graham, we might be able to get you a refund at Premier Inn. What’s your room number?!

Graham: “Erm 326 isn’t it Sarah, why?”

She was genuinely upset, I was genuinely horrified/mortified/dying inside, Tommy was about 5 minutes behind the rest of the group in figuring it out and most of the rest of the group were a mix of disgusted, nauseated and catatonic. We all stared at the floor for ages until the seminar began with the famous words, “You’re all quiet this morning? Didn’t get much sleep?”

I had to get in the bloody lift with them that night…in silence. I pressed 2. She pressed 3 and gave me a venemous look. Horribly awkward moment.

No sex noises that night though!

Edited

"didn't get much sleep" just about killed me.

Poor Sarah but pmsl

harriethoyle · 08/03/2024 15:15

Change your wifi name is the new cancel the cheque on this thread!

Stopwiththedamnrain · 08/03/2024 15:27

@oakleaffy I think the Engelbert Humperdinck sexy music was a clue 😉

lookwhatyoudidthere · 08/03/2024 15:36

Anyone else feel this thread says more about British sexual repression than neighbourly relations? In Scandinavia they would not bat an eyelid. I have to listen to my neighbour pounding their peloton bike, she makes very similar noises to those the OP outlines, and holds these 'sessions' with her balcony doors open. Should I complain? Nah, that would be fucking ridiculous.

4610J · 08/03/2024 15:44

@lookwhatyoudidthere your neighbour makes sex noises when she's on her peloton bike?

Ulysees · 08/03/2024 15:46

@redboxer321 I got it 🤣🤣🤣

Wingham · 08/03/2024 15:48

Why don’t you just add internal insulation.

Even if you tell her you can hear her in the throws of passion do you think she’ll be able to stop to think about being heard by your teenage children. Im not sure it’s realistic given he’s clearly good at what he does

Maybe you could buy her some additional soft furnishings or egg boxes to absorb the noise 😳

4610J · 08/03/2024 15:49

@lookwhatyoudidthere why is it a British thing? I'm pretty sure Americans would find it odd too. Do Scandanavian kids have to listen to their parents having sex? I'm no prude but really?

Clearinguptheclutter · 08/03/2024 15:50

Reminds me of the time that dh and I had just met, I was living in a terrace and on two different occasions we got a bang on the wall. We most definitely heard it and had a laugh with the (nice) neighbours later.
it didn’t happen a third time!

lookwhatyoudidthere · 08/03/2024 15:50

4610J · 08/03/2024 15:44

@lookwhatyoudidthere your neighbour makes sex noises when she's on her peloton bike?

Well I assumed they WERE sex noises, until we discovered the peloton bike was right in front of their balcony doors. Now when I hear the frenzied panting, I close the kitchen doors and windows.

lookwhatyoudidthere · 08/03/2024 15:51

4610J · 08/03/2024 15:44

@lookwhatyoudidthere your neighbour makes sex noises when she's on her peloton bike?

Asking for a friend here: how did you make your children?

4610J · 08/03/2024 15:52

lookwhatyoudidthere · 08/03/2024 15:50

Well I assumed they WERE sex noises, until we discovered the peloton bike was right in front of their balcony doors. Now when I hear the frenzied panting, I close the kitchen doors and windows.

Show quote history

😂

Reminds me of Friends when Phoebe was giving Monica a massage.

Runnerinthenight · 08/03/2024 15:54

lookwhatyoudidthere · 08/03/2024 15:51

Asking for a friend here: how did you make your children?

Show quote history

I'm guessing, quietly???