How do I tell my neighbour I can hear her?

[BoomBoomBoomLemmeHearYouSayWayOh]

We moved in semi-recently and I can hear my neighbour having sex.

First time I thought it was a one off (maybe his birthday, 😂) as I didn't hear anything the first few months.

But now 2 or 3 times a week I can hear her (only her not him) as if she's in my hallway!
It's not a creaky bed or anything that can't be helped, it's loud, dramatic moans and 'yes, yes' type stuff

I have preteen/young teen kids who can clearly hear her too and it's really starting to piss me off when she starts.

DH and I manage to have sex without the whole house knowing. Never mind the neighbours.

I don't know her that well so I don't know whether to

A) bang on the wall (which I did last time but it was only my fist and I don't think she could hear it over her own squeals, so next time I'll use a shoe)

B) Wait till I see her and say something, which I have planned to do but just not seen her and I feel knocking on her door is way too intrusive. And WTF would I say.

C) put a note through the door. But again WTF do I write?

I feel almost rude asking her to keep it down in her own home but it's embarrassing sat in bed reading, listening to her howling.

A few nights ago DS was sat in bed with me and she started and he was so embarrassed.

Say nothing. She can do what she wants in her own house!

A friend of mine had the same issue.
They wrote an anonymous note saying:
Congratulations on the sex, however your keeping us awake 😬

Not sure I'd have the balls to do that

How old are your Pre teens? Surely they know about the "birds and the bees" 😂Its only embarrassing if you are there with them at the time. I would definitely let her know that you can hear them but its entirely up to them if they do anything about it. If they don't then maybe you can put something on the walls your side to soundproof.

Seriously? 2 or 3 times a week? So it's not even every night/during the day?
Just get over it! People have sex! Better that than arguing and swearing right?

All sounds fine, except what could there possibly be to chat about over a coffee??

@Firstsimnelcake it doesn’t matter if it’s once a month, it’s not acceptable for pre teen children to be able to hear her neighbour having sex at all. I can’t believe that any adult thinks that it’s ok for 12 year olds and under to hear that shit.

Most people don't make that much noice though. Poor baby when it starts growing up. Cringe!

I think you've found the reason your house was up for sale OP 😄

I'd definitely say something. I wouldn't worry what the neighbour thought of me for flagging it up. Kids shouldn't have to listen to that - and I don't want to either.

This is my favourite!

This is true, and the "inappropriate for my teens to hear" line won"t fly, they can do what they want really in their own house and who would you complain to about "sex noises" anyway? Are the council going to come out and record the decibel levels of her screaming through the wall? If they are live streaming you want to disrupt that as much as possible, ideally to get them to move the show to another room away from you, I would start with AC/DC"s "Squealer" on loud as soon as they start up, that should add a level of absurdity to diffuse their exhibitionism and it would ruin any live stream they were doing if people could hear it in the background LOL. It is like loud needy idiots in restaurants etc. waving their phones about and being loud and needy, you don`t get them to shut up by saying "Could you keep it down, my children are eating" you shut them up by turning yourself up a few notches and drowning them out, it lets them know that they have been called out as a silly arse basically.

Shout “shut up”?

Nice note - normally the Mumsnet notes are beyond cringe but this is nicely done

I'd be blunt and to the point.

"I know this is awkward for both of us, but we can hear you having sex through the wall. It's not something I want my pre-teens hearing, so I'd appreciate it if you could keep it down now we've made you aware. Thanks!"

put very loud music on in the hallway when it starts. Then your kids wont hear

Don"t go the note route, it will just lead to weird vibes for ever after, and if they don"t care they will just toss the note away and carry on, you have to disrupt their disruption of your peace and quiet, you do that using sound at medium high volume.

Change the name of your WIFI to 'We can here you shagging number 24'

It is blunt and pointless, you don`t have the authority to tell them that, your pre-teens are nothing to do with them.

I'd say something and if they were still doing it and were doing it when the baby is older I would think they were very wierd.

Be prepared that’s he doesn’t care .. I had a neighbour who was exactly the same and after I politely asked her to please minimise the night noise she knew exactly what I meant , her reply was , sorry I’m having fun , I can’t do it any other way .

OP, what she like in general? Does she give off wanna be porn star vibes?

Come on CrashyTime - raise your bar.

"Come in number 24, your times up, Ahh....ahhh.....Ooh!" that would get the neighbours giggling when they connected to WIFI

Yes, you would need to be ready for the fact that a lot of people just won"t be bothered that you can hear, being embarrassed into silence is from another era really.

Yes! Put a note through her door saying “ keep it brief and good luck”!😁