How do I tell my neighbour I can hear her?

[BoomBoomBoomLemmeHearYouSayWayOh]

We moved in semi-recently and I can hear my neighbour having sex.

First time I thought it was a one off (maybe his birthday, 😂) as I didn't hear anything the first few months.

But now 2 or 3 times a week I can hear her (only her not him) as if she's in my hallway!
It's not a creaky bed or anything that can't be helped, it's loud, dramatic moans and 'yes, yes' type stuff

I have preteen/young teen kids who can clearly hear her too and it's really starting to piss me off when she starts.

DH and I manage to have sex without the whole house knowing. Never mind the neighbours.

I don't know her that well so I don't know whether to

A) bang on the wall (which I did last time but it was only my fist and I don't think she could hear it over her own squeals, so next time I'll use a shoe)

B) Wait till I see her and say something, which I have planned to do but just not seen her and I feel knocking on her door is way too intrusive. And WTF would I say.

C) put a note through the door. But again WTF do I write?

I feel almost rude asking her to keep it down in her own home but it's embarrassing sat in bed reading, listening to her howling.

A few nights ago DS was sat in bed with me and she started and he was so embarrassed.

Does she have children?

That’s an awesome reply

genius! 😂😂😂

Genius!!!

I thought there was a very sexualised element to the peloton ads, just touching on pornographic. Didn"t seem to work though as they went bust?

Now that is hysterical story!!!

ph my lord!

Talking they can’t hear though

constant nightly sex noises that are so loud your kids can hear is a bit different.

Factually it doesn’t

It makes no difference whether a kid heard it or adults heard it

Its not ok either way

To answer everyone who asked, I said coffee because my answer to everything is coffee 😂

I had this from downstairs neighbour who's FWB must have been taking viagra as they were at it from the moment he got to hers at 6'ish to around 2am - 4 or 5 times a night. Shouting "STFU" didn't work, playing music to cover the noise didn't work - in the end I sent a text in the early hours when they woke me at 2am, yet again, saying "Neighbour, can you pull your bed away from the wall when you're shagging? The noise of your headboard banging and the grunting and groaning 4 or 5 times a night carries through the walls" - I was really pissed off, and wouldn't have sent the text otherwise.

Anyhow - it worked and we're still on friendly terms, thankfully.

And they are a lot quieter - I think he might have stopped taking the blue pills.

@IHateLegDay 😁 I was entertained imagining that coffee chat, the criiiinge would be thicker than the caffeine. "How do you like your coffee?" "Hot and sweet" oh god. 🤭😁

My kids wouldn't care about this at all, my youngest has came in from walking the dog a few times laughing about hearing the neighbours having sex with the windows open.

You are weird thinking it's OK for kids to hear adults having sex. That says a lot about you.

Totally agree. Very “off” when adults are ok subjecting kids to pornified noise.

I think you are conflating lots of issues here with little fact, and it speaks volumes of your intelligence. Of course, two parents, howling, at it like rabbits in the presence of their kids is unacceptable. However, what we are discussing is what OP's neighbour does, in the privacy of their own home. I suspect paper-thin new build house walls are at play here, which means there may not be a sex show going on at all, just awful, poor insulation and an inherent misunderstanding of how buildings are made. Hopefully that's clarified things in simple layman terms?

I lived next door to a pr*stitute for 4 years so I feel your pain! Her noise was part of the 'job'.

If they're decent people, they'd probably want to know that you can hear them and they'll quiet down. If not, trust me, even official channels are useless.

Good luck.

Honestly sod the politeness, she's being very impolite herself.

Next time you hear it just fucking shout "For fucks sake Sally that's enough we can hear every sodding moan three times a week!"

I don't think it matters that this might disturb your other neighbours, just the once. It would be just the once, and the only person who should have any embarrassment at all is Sally The Amateur Pornstar

Im sorry but you are hoing to have to go' BIG' with this.
(Its got to be stopped)
You have to contact the local authority and report as a possible ' sex trafficking house'. Thats the only way I can see you ' keeping face' with this.
You cannot pussy foot around and be meek.
That way ' you are not accusing anyone personally.'
If poss. Do the reporting anonymously.

@lookwhatyoudidthere Many of us manage to have sex without other people hearing, even in the same house. There's not really any excuse for it.

And while it is their own home, they still have to be mindful that their noise levels do not become a statutory nuisance.

The whole point is that it ISN'T in the privacy of her own home. It's in her own home, but if the neighbours can hear it it isn't private. If you have neighbours with adjoining walls, the privacy of your own home has a maximum volume.

A statutory nuisance.?!
Thats drums at 2am with the windows open.

I cant see the council coming out to check the noise levels I’m afraid

@Minymile It's any noise that has a negative impact on others and has reached the level of being a nuisance to other people.

Sorry, you'll have to forgive me if I've totally misunderstood how property deeds work, and in fact, they also delineate how sound may travel? The OP hasn't said the neighbours are banging like rabbits in the garden or by open windows, just in their home. Please do give your local Rozzers a call and see if this qualifies as a breach of the peace. I think you'll find if you are having sex in your house, this would be considered 'privately'. Do feedback to us all after you've checked with the local police... I'm all ears.

If the insulation in this home is that poor, my feeling is the neighbours can probably hear them too (granted not while they are busy!). Sound doesn't only travel in one direction. Either way, one can't really dictate when the neighbours have sex, so probably best to start with things they can control, like sound insulation.

You have to prove it though, they have to witness it or make recordings etc. they might leave you a recording device or something, but that just makes things even weirder and even more creepy than weird little notes popped through the letter-box.

@CrashyTime Absolutely. That is way in the future though and hopefully it can be resolved without going down those routes.