Child contact wirh ex.. coparenting - is this fair?

[LD233]

Hi so me and my ex have a 7 month old son and as he is not breastfed he has him one night per week on a weekend either Friday or Saturday and brings back the following day. He said he can't see him in the week as he lives 40 minutes away. He doesn't contact at all in the week asking how is son is or checking on him
He also said this will never change and he will always have him just one night psr week. Whereas he sees his other son everyday as he lives with his other sons mom.

I just don't feel like this is fair long term. I'm already having to sacrifice work I am going back part time and putting our son in nursery and paying for it as he is also refusing to pay towards any nursery fees.

I feel like I am struggling and he is doing the bare minimum in my eyes.
I have asked several times if he can help abit more in the week or even one more night and he refuses.

Is one night a week on a weekend the norm for coparenting ? Im thinking long term. I am exhausted from doing it alone but I know that's just being a single parent whilst he and as he has said 'babysits' on a weekend for less than 24 hours. He doesn't seem that interested to me. Especially not even checking in on our child to ensure he's ok

He also has nothing for him at his. I have to provide everything Nappies formula food clothes wipes etc as he refuses

40 minutes! Is that it! My DH does a 3 hour round trip to see his kids after school during the week for about 2 hours.

And wtf no he should be providing the stuff his kid needs when he's at his

Hang on...you have a 7 month old but he lives with his other child's mum? How did that happen? Were you and he having an affair? Does the other mum know about you and the baby? Sorry if I'm being dim here but those factors are pretty major.

I mean, as a general standard, no it's shit that he's only interested in one night a week but this seems an unusual circumstance. Is he paying maintenance?

No it's not fair but how are you going to make him do more? Are you claiming child maintenance? I sure hope so if you're paying for everything while he's with him! What a deadbeat

My ex used to do a trip to McDonald's every week and that was it. Get used to doing it on your own (sorry to sound harsh) but your child is better off with you by the sounds of it.

Let's be honest OP. A man who has a 7 month old with one woman but lives with his other child's mother was never going to be Dad of the year.

I personally would not let my young and uncommunicative baby stay overnight without me. And can you be sure that the other babymamma is treating your baby well? I'm sure she's chuffed to bits with the situation not

Are you getting CMS? That's at least going to sort contributions towards upkeep

Otherwise nothing you can do I'm afraid. You can't force him to take baby especially at this age

You have no obligation to provide anything for your DS whilst he is at his father’s house. Next time he goes, just send him in the clothes he is wearing and maybe 1 spare nappy.

Basically I was with him and he was going through court for 2 years for Child contact with his ex as he said she stopped him seeing his other son for no reason. When I fell pregnant and as soon as their court case was over and he was seeing his son again he got back with her and cheated and left me for her. I've been through hell if I'm honest but still try to put my son first. He refuses to do anymore time or provide anything in his case or help towards childcare when I return ti work shortly. He pays maintenance yes but says if he provides anything he will take it off my maintenance. He also says to me 'you are a single mother stop acting entitled I don't owe you anything' that's all I ever hear. He's awful tbh but I try to let that go and him be a father ti our son. He is also taking 2 weeks off work in a few months for a family holiday with his gf and their other son I asked if he could take some time off in summer for our child to spend time with him he refuses.

This is what I'm worried about as she has caused me grief in the past. Even though they had no contact for years as they were going through court but he cheated and left me for her and she hated that I was having a baby with him after tbe court case finished. He's an awful person but I try to allow him to be a dad to our son. But our son isn't a priority and never will be to him

He sounds like a complete shit.

Does he ask to see your son or are you instigating that each weekend? What would happen if you didn't contact him? Would contact trail off and stop?

Have you put in a CMS claim?

He doesn't ever contact me. When it comes to it he might say am I having our son. But he's always late also. He was 3 hours late collecting him last Friday- collected him at 8pm when his bedtime is at 8pm. And refused to bring him back any later the following day. He also says he is not 'babysitting' if I ever ask for more help

I haven't as he gives me maintenance currently .

What a loser. Travelling 40 minutes and providing milk and nappies is too much for him? I wouldn't be sending my child.

Go to cms for maintenance and that way he can’t deduct money off for nappies etc. Send him with nothing or maybe one nappy.

He sounds awful and you need to decide whether you want this man in your son's life.
Personally I'd just drop it, get maintenance via CMS. He can't make random deduction anyway. Find other ways of getting support and relief, do you have family? Or join some mum and baby groups and see if you can make friends and then perhaps help each other out from time to time

If it were me (easy to say, I know), I would stop contacting him. Let him chase you for contact. I doubt he will. You need to find your support elsewhere as you cannot rely on this man.

Do you have any family or friends who could offer support? Is nursery or a childminder an option to give you a bit of a break in the week? Presumably you'll be eligible for the universal funding coming in in September

You can't force him to have a relationship with DS unfortunately. I was a completely lone parent, my ex didn't want contact at all. It's difficult but that's how it is.

Get a maintenance claim in.

Thank you I know I'm at the end of my tether with it all. I have family yes close family around me

I do have family around me mainly my mom but she also has other grandchildren and a busy job. Yes I've had enough of it all. He's starting nursery in July when I return to work which I will be paying for and goint back to work 3 days a week as I cannot afford to go back full time. Of course his dad refuses to help with Aby of that

This.

Unfortunately you can't force him to have a relationship with your son, and if this is how he's acting anyway, I wouldn't want him to be apart of his son's life. 40 minutes is nothing compared to how far other parents travel to see their children!

It sounds as though you want him to have your child more often. From your description of him, why do you want this? Do you see him as a fit parent, or a good influence on a child?

I kind of guess because he sees his other child all the time does everything for his other child and feel he has been a good dad to him I wanted the same for my son. But I feel he favours his other son and always will maybe because he's with his mom too but I just wanted him to make more effort and for my son to have a consistent regular relationship with his dad but in the 7 months that hasn't happened so far and I don't have hope for the future either

He also says if I ever stop contact he will be applying to court anyway and he apparently has a load of evidence against me ( which he doesn't) when I was newly postpartum with severe postpartum depression alone on a high dose of anti depressants and I still am on those.

He's a shit dad, who will probably eventually give up contact with your child altogether.

Of course it isn't fair, but unfortunately you can't force a man to parent his child. Your child's father is lazy, selfish neglectful and a waste of space, but there is little you can do about it.

Make sure you make a CMS claim because he won't be paying you the right amount. Good luck

'He also says if I ever stop contact he will be applying to court anyway '

Great. Bring it on. The court will issue an access order which will lay out when he should collect his child and how often. Then he will have to step up or be in breach, which leaves him with no argument.