Where do I put the 3rd kid?

[Laverlyjarbely]

I really want another child.

we can afford it, especially with the childcare funding.

we have a large car. But it’s our house.
it is a 4 bed, and probably in the future we’d move but for the short/ med future. Not sure where we’d put the 3rd. So as I say 4 bed, but a small 4 bed. All open plan downstairs and 2 double and 2 singles upstairs.

2 dcs have the singles, and we have a double and then the spare/ office is the other one. Both of us wfh, me 3 days and dh 4.

if on mat leave dh would need a quiet place to work and take calls.

remodelling the house is out of the question. It’s a new build so garden is small already, no no real extension. Maybe a small conservatory, but if well move in the med term is it worth it? Maybe garden office, but small garden would it look weird just plonked there? Plus if moving, do i want to?

do I make some of the dcs share? We have a girl and boy so not sure they’d want to share now. They are both still v young, nursery and preschool age.

where could the 3rd go?

It's called the XY Problem.

University isn't "every possible hope or dream". It is a bona fide requirement for entry into many careers.

Last time I looked, aspiring for your kids to be able to go to uni was deemed a good thing in a parent.

good job we live a commutable distance from Oxford isn’t it.

Within 25 miles of Carfax Tower?

its written in my contract I get a pay rise every year as is dh.

You are one compulsory redundancy away from the dole. Don't rely on your pay rises.

Well they'll have to choose a career that can attained at a university close to home, or one where they can work. It's hardly the end of the world. I'm ok with my kids not getting absolutely everything they want all the time - such is life.
I aspire for my kids to be happy and healthy. Uni may or may not be part of that.

Honestly this is silly. Oxford and london unis aren’t a right. The subjects offered in oxbridge are also offered elsewhere. Let’s cross the oxbridge bridge when we get to it. We also save for our kids, so there is that. Plus a property. Plus the fact that most aren’t destined for oxbridge

you don’t know my industry or skill set. You are placed at risk prior to redundancy and one can always apply for another job. Happened before will happen again, cost of big business but you don’t just down tools and never work again

Precisely

It's also "hardly the end of the world" for the OP to stop at two. I come from a family in which my parents and their siblings made deliberate choices to have fewer kids than they could have done, and in one case, fewer than they really wanted. They had been through the Winter of Discontent and knew how precarious employment is. They knew that you can have a healthy child and the next one be born disabled, which is why one of my cousins is an only child, his father has an inheritable disability and didn't want to roll that dice twice because, although my cousin was born healthy, a second child might not have been and my uncle and aunt didn't want any chance of DCousin being inadequately cared for because of the care needs of a disabled second child. They wanted to make sure that, in the best circumstances, their kids would want for nothing and, in the worst circumstances, their kids would not starve.

And this was before tuition fees and loans. Tuition fees kicked in during my teens and my parents couldn't have supported DSis through uni in the time they had to prepare if they'd had a third child. Now that tuition fees are here and ever-rising, the case for reducing the number of children a couple has gets ever stronger.

But quite clearly my children will not starve.

you’re family has a genetic condition not mine. Now of course anytbing can happen but that is the same for every pregnancy. I do not understand why this argument gets trotted out for the third child. You seldom hear it for the first or second.

I wanted to do a masters. I had options from Oxford, Kings london and another redbrick- I had funding from the other redbrick so that is where I went. I recognised that the sheer cost of the other 2 was unrealistic and a huge burden to place on my parents so didn’t ask. It is not the end of the world if you go to the university of Bristol instead of Oxford. You are still very employable and largely the subjects offered are the same.

let’s see if my kids are oxbridge material first.

I’m also the sole beneficiary of my parents estate. Their house is over half a mil and then there’s their assets.

So basically you're happy to risk locking the two kids you have out of law and STEM to have another kid, because they can go work at the big four instead, even they may have zero aptitude for that work and be instead well-suited to medicine or engineering?

My god this is ridiculous. I guess I must be an utter failure to my two then, for ending up a single mum who won't ever be able to support them all through university. I want them to go to university IF that's what they want to do and will do whatever I can to help (rent free living at home for example and general advice) but I can't financially support them through it. It's not something I ever expected my parents to do for me, either! I didn't go to uni, I didn't want to, but I've worked my way up to a decent job now. I agree with another poster who said they want their children to be happy and healthy- pretty good aspirations, in my view.

OP ignore this nonsense- you can clearly provide for three if you were to have another so go for it if that's what you want to do. Bedrooms will sort themselves out and sharing is no issue for kids. Not the ages yours will be!

The kids are at the moment hypothetical, nursery aged and just learning to read. Its a bit bonkers discussing their career options!

If your parents funded not only your living expenses away from home but your tuition too, you are seriously in the minority. That's not at all necessary or realistic. Few people are so indulged, perhaps your world view is a little warped by your privilege.
Back in the real world 4 bedrooms and a 6 figure income is fine for 3 kids. They already have more opportunity that 95% of the world.

Yet here I am physically barring them from going to oxbridge and making them live in abject poverty on the cusp of losing my job apparently 🫠

OP sound better off than we were when we had our third - since then we've manage though luck and planning to get in a position where we can support two kids at uni at once - and possibly a third if eldest does post graduate degree if they live with us - couple of local uni do course possibly wanted. They will have graduate debt - like most UK students these days more like a tax but access to better paying jobs.

We could have waited another decade before having first as many round us suggested - we were late 20s - and ended up in a worse position that now buying housing even later and doing uni support that much closer to retirement ages.

I remember once having a 5 year plan - A-level and degree course sorted and being bombarded with what next questions from everyone - my well there are various options its a new subject lets see what I enjoy most - was never acceptable - why hadn't I got a better plan.

DH and mine careers and life have done some meandering from original plans - and turned out well with few really bumpy periods - the idea you can account and plan for an unconceived child's degree and career prospects is bloody odd - as DH used to say to me Life what happens when you are busy making plans incidentally having three kids was best and most enjoyable thing I've done in my life - I'm aware that not true for everyone but absolutely has been for us.

New one stays in your room as long as possible then shares with a sibling.

Bunkbeds mean you can have two in a small room. While under 10 they can share as opposite sex siblings if that helps.

You could also consider a workspace in your room, or a loft conversion, or a workspace downstairs.

It comes across as the post wasn't for advice at all as none is being taken on board, and more for "look at how great my life is that I'm going to have a third child, in a 4 bed house, with all this money coming in, and my main issue is where we put our WFH desks". My main advice would be to develop some humility and gratitude for what you have, and try to provide your children with the widest possible range of options for the future. The bed/desk dilemma is the least of the issues here.

@Scirocco spot on. And not to forget I have free/cheap childcare and will develop a BTL property portfolio.

No that’s only been mentioned as people seem to state I can’t afford them and are living in poverty

I can’t loft convert due to the build of the house
like wise with a desk in my bedroom

everything else is being considered and super helpful

Then the solutions are pretty simple. Garden pod/outbuilding/conservatory, or a rentable office space, or go into work.

Hence why I asked about cost of the garden pod, and if it’s a worthwhile investment from anyone who has one, esp with a smallish garden and then that we might more say in 3 years time

Talk about derailing a thread! Wow op asked about creating space for a potential 3rd dc in the house, and ends up being given the third degree about having another dc, finances, aspirations for the dc and funding degrees 18 years in the future, and now the need for degrees for employment in 20 ish years time! Some dc may not even want to do a degree or be suited to uni Only on Mumsnet

You seem really over invested in OP's decision to have DC number 3, but she hasn't asked for people's opinions on that, she just wants advice on their living arrangements.

This thread took a weird turn with this insistence that all parents must be capable of funding their kids through oxbridge 😂i must have missed that on the midwife forms when i got pregnant!

My kids have 0 chance of my funding them through any uni let alone oxbridge. We are ordinary working class people on very average incomes. I might have been able to fund it, had it been 1 baby but i had unexpected twins, hence i mentioned twins earlier in the thread. But to be fair, i don't think we are oxbridge sort of people and I'm happy about that!

Garden office as said about £5k for a basic log cabin. You can buy self contained units that you can take with you when you move like a tiny shipping container.

I didn't say that you were making them live in poverty.

Please criticise what I said, not what I didn't say.

Again, it's called the XY Problem. OP is trying to fumble her way towards a space solution to house a non-existent third child, when the problem wouldn't even come about if she stuck with two.

You know that millions of people don't go to Oxbridge or Cambridge and have fulfilling and well-earning careers.

The majority of people don't think of Oxbridge or Cambridge when deciding on the number of children they should have.