When people say "you look well"

[speakurmind]

A male colleague said I look well and he liked my scarf. Does this mean I've been looking terrible and I look okay now? I haven't been sick.

We've been introduced a few weeks ago. We very briefly see each other about twice a week.

I'd just take the compliment

I would never say ‘you look well’ if I was thinking someone was fat. In fact, it’s an odd thing to say unless the person has been unwell.

It's code for "you look old and fat but you've made an effort and put some make up on". In my generation and older in any case (50 plus).

I'm in my late 50s and I think that's absolute horse shit.

I say it when I think someone looks great - happy, healthy, well dressed, whatever. There is no negative subtext.

Very interesting interpretations.

Personally, I wouldn't say anything if I notice someone has put weight on. I also don't compliment or comment on people's appearance at work. Worried of misinterpretations.

I was told I looked glamorous a few times by a female co-worker in the past. I think she meant it well, but not sure now.

It means you don't look tired and haggard. That you have positive energy and it is spilling out of you. Radiating wellness and good spirit.

It’s a generational (and possibly location?) think. My grandfather (from north east) definitely meant someone had put on weight. But at the same time, that was not necessarily an insult as it had connotations of healthy and happy. No one from younger generations mean it like that. When people say it to me (if it’s not obviously a platitude) I take it as a compliment!

From DM: "have you put on weight?"
From a male work colleague: "you look hot but I don't want to sound like a creep."

I do wonder if that’s where some people get this idea that it’s a veiled way of saying ‘put on weight’ – because people often literally do just look better when they’ve gained a bit of weight, and the commenter might not even have put their finger on why they look better

I’ve lost a bit of weight in the last year and my face definitely looks older as a result! I’m considering regaining just to look fresher in the face!

When I meet someone I haven't seen for a while I always tell them they look well, even if they don't particularly, it just seems polite. People rarely say it to me though. 🤔

How sad, that any comment which could sound positive, has to be pulled apart and made awful.
If someone says I nice thing to me Iassume it's a compliment and just say thank you.

It was a compliment. Don't look for offence when there is none

Haha. I agree.

Take the compliment and stop looking for the insult in everything. People can be so negative!

@MrsHughesPinny

that's what my Great Aunt means too, but I think that's really 'of her generation' (& one below having grown up with it)

& my GA doesn't mean it in a nasty way either, it's more that you look like you're not hungry/going without food 'well' rather than fat!

@speakurmind I would think it's just small talk, that you look well (not unwell like many of us at the moment) or the colour you were wearing gives your face a lovely glow.

it's hard to compliment a woman these days, without being accused of being inappropriate, so he's probably sticking to an inoffensive phrase (at least not one that'll get him into trouble)

just thank him & return the 'compliment'

O F F give your head a wobble.
He was just being pleasant, a polite remark. Or is everything anyone ever says to you distilled down to the ultimate essence of its meaning.
Are you really that precious.?

I think it's sometimes code for you've put weight on 😀I've had it said to me when that was clearly the case.
Not always though. I've said it to people and genuinely meant that they look healthy and happy.

I was told I looked glamorous a few times by a female co-worker in the past. I think she meant it well, but not sure now.

You must be absolutely exhausted OP!

What sort of strange subtext do you think there might be in the words 'You look glamorous'??

Yes, I would say it if someone "looks well" i.e. healthy/happy. Particularly if I hadn't seen them for a while and they had a really good energy about them.

People do sometimes look "better" when they've gained a little weight (especially in their face) so maybe that's where the confusion is.

I would never say it as code for something uncomplimentary because I'm not a complete bitch haha. So like some PP have said, I wouldn't read anything mean into it until you know the commenter is generally a bit poisonous

I thought she meant she liked my accessories - I like to wear earrings and a necklace.

What it can mean is "You look lovely because you are wearing a colour that suits you"

Sometimes it might mean "good god, I didn't know you had a comb, well done!"

I used to for YEARS not realising it meant ‘you look well fed’

I always intended it as ‘you look good/great/healthy’

Your colleague meant you look nice, i like your scarf. You’re really reaching to feel offended there.

I said it to a friend who was wearing something that really brightened up her face. So it was a compliment, and a sort of opening polite thing to say. The "you've put on weight" meaning was in Motherland said by the Amanda character to her "friend" after the Christmas hols. It is the kind of thing my MIL would say, with that meaning. But I don't think people - certainly the male colleague - would usually mean it that way.

Although funnily enough, if you have put a bit of fat onto a face that's usually gaunt, it can make you look softer/younger!

Oh, I know how it feels. Several years ago I'd RUN to fix my pictures in some Photoworks before posting them, then ending up not posting them at all and overall would be knee-deep in self-doubt because this is exactly how it would sound to me 😂
Today, however, I'd just take it as a compliment. People don't look at each other or think of each other a lot, so situations like this usually just boil down to "they've noticed something about you and liked it, thus made a compliment".

Exactly this. It’s filler in a conversation with the aim of saying something vaguely nice. The specific about liking the scarf probably meant he liked the scarf, possibly hadn’t seen it before so may have thought it worthy of mention.