When people say "you look well"

[speakurmind]

A male colleague said I look well and he liked my scarf. Does this mean I've been looking terrible and I look okay now? I haven't been sick.

We've been introduced a few weeks ago. We very briefly see each other about twice a week.

Good grief.
Most people enjoy a compliment.
It must be exhausting to be so easily offended.

I think many people look better ‘in the face’ when they carry a few extra pounds. So I don’t think people say it to be code for ‘you’ve gained weight’, but because they honestly think you look well!

I said it to a colleague the other day. She’d had a haircut and was wearing a bright top that really suited her. She seemed chuffed and agreed she was really happy with the cut and was revamping her wardrobe after having her colours done.
Have noted the comments about personal remarks though and won’t risk it again.

I think I always hear that comment as having something to do with the state of my complexion. Some days we are a bit puffy and gray, other days more vibrant.

People often won't be consciously aware of changes in the complexion of someone they are looking at , but will just gather a general sense of wellbeing or ill health.

Was it very cold, I wonder. That can make our skin look more lively.

When I lived in Liverpool people I worked with seemed to say this exclusively to people who'd been on holiday and/or had a tan. So if a Scouser said it to me in the summer I'd assume I'd caught the sun.

I've never heard it used as a code for you look fat. Given there are lots of people posting and saying that's not what they mean when they use the expression I think it would be mad to assume everyone means 'you've gained weight' when they say it. Some might but not everyone.

I have never used this as code for someone gaining weight. If I tell somebody that they look well then it usually means that they have colour in their cheeks, are standing comfortably and confidently and are smiling and looking happy. I sometimes say it if someone has been unwell long term and they look a lot healthier than they have been looking for a while. Sometimes if someone (who has always been healthy) is just looking particularly glowing. Why on earth would it be code for weight gain?

Thank you. It's helpful to see a variation of thoughts.

I don't think he meant I looked fat though as I've been the same weight and size for ages.

But there are lots of posters who are saying in their experience they’ve been told it means they look like they’ve gained weight. It hasn’t come from nowhere. So it’s not clear at all.

I remember at work one day, years ago, a guy who was a regular customer told me I looked well. I was quite pleased because I had a crush on him (I was young) and did feel it was a compliment. That was until a colleague said she was taught that meant he thought I looked fat (I definitely wasn’t back then). Before that it would not have even crossed my mind that’s what anyone meant.

That’s not to say it’s never said to actually mean you look well but to dismiss others’ experiences is shortsighted.

My mum always tells me this when she actually means ‘ you’re getting a bit porky again.’

On the other hand, other people have told me this, when I’ve just spent two weeks at my mum’s in the south of France being told in a veiled way that I’m getting a bit porky, because I have a lovely complexion and nice tan.

I find a helpful solution is simply to reframe the three throw away, words into whatever compliment you want them to be, my personal choice being, I’m looking and living my most magnificent best.

Why does your mum say things like that? If she wants to comment on your weight why does she feel the need to talk in code, that's very odd to me

Why not just tell you that you've put on weight, why would she even say it in the first place?

So sad that so many people are so cynical and just unable to say "Thank you" when someone says something nice, or well intentioned.

I agree. It's sad that some people have turned a compliment into a veiled insult as well, and that you don't dare compliment the professionally offended because you have to tread on eggshells around them.

I used to work somewhere where the staff had to wear a uniform. One day one of the women came into the shop wearing a lovely outfit and had just had her hair done. I told her she looked great. Cue her complaining to my boss that I had upset her because she thought that I thought she looked like a dog's dinner the rest of the time.

WTF! I had said nothing of the sort. How on earth do people who look for an insult in everything get through life. It must be exhausting.

Everyone I know appreciates a compliment.

It's code for "you look old and fat but you've made an effort and put some make up on".

In my generation and older in any case (50 plus).

For younger people, it's a sort of weird non compliment. If I meet someone who has lost a couple of stone, done their hair and are wearing nice clothes, I certainly wouldn't tell them they looked well. I'd say they looked great or fantastic.

Making any sort of personal comment is rude, I thought. Purely because it draws (unwanted) attention to the person being remarked on. And it's so open to interpretation...

It's code for "you look old and fat but you've made an effort and put some make up on". In my generation and older in any case (50 plus).

I'm 65. In my neck of the woods it means "you look great". I still think only the professionally offended think your way.

I'm over 50 and have never used it in that way, I agree it's mainly said by older people but thats not the same as saying all older people mean that at all

I compliment people when they look well, if someone interprets that as meaning I think theyve put weight on thats on them and presumably they know whether that's the case anyway.

I used to have an ED
"You're looking well" used to mean I was looking better because I was no longer skeletal. But in my mind I exchange well for fat...even though am recovered and been healthy weight for 20 years+

I am 60 and if somebody says it it means I have either lost weight or my skin/hair are looking extra nice.

if I gain weight it goes straight to my face which isn't good.

When I say this to people I mean that they look well, they look nice, they're looking good.

Damn, have I been accidentally insulting my friends and acquaintances?

I agree 💯

It can mean fat but not always.

One woman (aged 60) said you look well when she meant fat. Everyone else said it as a compliment including other men and women of her age.

Best way to guess whether it was meant badly is to see how this person generally is with you and other, is it in their nature to be snide and horrid? Or are they kind and pleasant?

In Op's situation I think it was code for you look nicer and brighter than usual, you have made more effort with your appearance and it looks good. Maybe you seem happier or in a good mood. When colleagues seem relaxed and happy it makes the atmosphere more pleasant. A bright jumper or scarf can light up the complexion and stand out from all the black and neutral dull clothes.

I'd take it as small talk.

This rings very true ime. Someone recently told me, "I looked well" when the only difference between the time they said and the last time they had seen me was that I had gained probably 5kgs. I still thanked them, though, because I so wanted to believe it.

I take it to mean you are looking well and healthy including you might have put a bit of weight on. I put weight on and someone said the extra weight suited me! I would prefer it if someone said, You look really nice today!

People always say it to me when I've got abit of fake tan glow so I take it to mean you look less grey than normal

Oh! A few have said it means you gained weight. I say it because the person looks great, not that they don’t always though more maybe they look especially well. It’s always intended as a compliment though, guess I better not use it if people think I’m calling them fat!