When people say "you look well"

[speakurmind]

A male colleague said I look well and he liked my scarf. Does this mean I've been looking terrible and I look okay now? I haven't been sick.

We've been introduced a few weeks ago. We very briefly see each other about twice a week.

Mumsnet's always been really weird about this IMO.

I was gobsmacked when I first joined at how many people read their own paranoid thoughts into a simple well meaning statement.

Meanwhile in RL, most people I know are pleased someone took the time to mention they are in fact looking well.

When I say it, it means "you look well".

It doesn't have a ton of crazy baggage attached to it. Just take a compliment, people!

Second thread in two days where people are over analysing compliments.

So sad that so many people are so cynical and just unable to say "Thank you" when someone says something nice, or well intentioned.

I have said "You look well" to people who have come back off holiday, or most usually when I see them a few months into retirement, and they just look relaxed, and less stressed and generally happy. It's got nothing to do with weight. It genuinely means exactly what it says "You. Look. Well" Can't be any clearer.

If it were my mother she'd mean I put on weight(!), but I think a lot of people also just mean when you look distantly glowy, healthy, or smiley.

When I had a period of doing loads of skincare and taking all the vitamins a few people said this to me

No honestly it can be code for you are fatter( but look well on it).

I've said it to people as a compliment, and if it's said to me I take it as a compliment. I guess if it IS code for 'you look fat' then me saying thanks and looking chuffed will either make them feel like an asshole or annoyed that their put down didn't land.

It means you don't look unwell.

It doesn't say anything about last time, or the time before, or about anything at all.

Why do people always read things into mundane politeness from others?

I generally say it when people DO look well - eg glowing, happy or good hair. I might also say it if I think someone has lost weight but don’t want to make them feel uncomfortable. I wouldn’t say it if I thought someone had put on weight though, for same reason - seems v different to a lot of other posters!

My whole life I’ve known “you’re looking well” meant you’ve put on weight.

My passport photo is dire, back in the days when I used to queue to get into Spain, a young man looked at me ( I am no oil painting) looked at my passport and said if you find the person who did this kill them. 😁I truly looked like I had been on the run in an Eastern bloc gulag for twenty years. 😃

That's brilliant😂

I'd take 'you're looking well' to mean you're looking well.

@RampantIvy nope sorry it generally does mean that - someone complained to me about her mum saying it to her and how it meant she'd put on weight - long before I was a mum myself and had heard of Mumsnet! I asked another friend and she confirmed it (I didn't grow up in this country so hadn't heard it before). They don't do Mumsnet either.

To me it is no different to someone saying 'hope you enjoy your holiday' doesn't mean

You will not enjoy your holiday

I hope you don't enjoy it because I am making it all aboit me and I ma jealous

As you are going to wherever the fact it is different to where I went means it will be terrible

And a million other things

I've heard the comment "you look like you're enjoying life" is more code for "you look fat and happy" than "you look well".

I say "you look well" to people who look like they're actually really well, like well rested, relaxed and general doing well. I hope i haven't been offending people!!

But I think taking offence to it says more about society's fat phobia than anything else..

It's always meant you're looking a bit porky, way before Mumsnet existed.

Nah, maybe by some people but definitely not universal

Yeah so – you look well

(!)

He's being nice. You're seriously overthinking. It's called a compliment

Yeah I’d mostly associate it with people looking refreshed, happy, relaxed, maybe a bit tanned after a holiday or glowy complexion

yes, this

Very common in Ireland.

It could mean you're looking particularly good today or just that you look good and they're not comparing it to any other day, you always look well 😂

Occasionally it could be used if someone had been sick or depressed or whatever it was, but that would generally be with someone close to you where you knew about what it was they had going on and then they've noticeably perked up and you're saying you've noticed a difference.

If I say somebody is looking well, it is because they look extra nice in some way, your scarf is probably flattering to your complexion.

I think just trying to say you look good, in a non pervy way?

Of course it's nothing to do with mumsnet but using it to infer gaining weight is ime age and rudeness related

Younger people are only going to think that if they have relatives who are a bit rude

Why would you bring your children up to think you look well is any thing other than a compliment?

It wouldn't occur to me to take this as anything other than a compliment. If it did refer to weight gain I'd assume it must be suiting me but I'd as likely take it to mean my skin was glowing (unlikely lol) or my posture was good or something else that suggested wellbeing.

Life is much simpler when you don't look for insults that are rarely there in the first place.