How soon did you drive on the motorway with children?

[Merrow]

DP has recently passed their driving test and started driving the motorway route to work this week. We've a holiday booked for 2 weeks from now that driving would make easier, but is doable by train. It's pretty much a motorway journey door to door.

I'm not a driver and I find the concept of driving terrifying. Especially on a motorway, where if something goes wrong then the likelihood of someone dying is much higher. I have an issue with my visual processing which means I really struggle to work out movement (I can't really judge when it's safe to cross roads), so basically all road skills seem alarmingly impossible to me. I also am undergoing treatment for PTSD relating to DS2's prolonged stay in NICU, and have a lot of intrusive thoughts about him dying. All of which combined means that basically my ability to risk assess in this scenario is zilch.

How long were you driving before you felt comfortable taking children with you on the motorway? Particularly if you learned driving later (DP is 38). The DC are 5 and 1. DP feels more confident with every drive, but does acknowledge that motorways are frightening and is happy to take the train as this holiday is supposed to be a celebration of a year since DS2 was discharged from hospital, and me stressing about the drive is not really in keeping with the spirit.

The way home from the hospital after giving birth 😂 didn't have much choice!

Straight away really ... When the DC were a week or 2 old. I had been driving about 2 years, and had driven on busy motorways a few times - not much. (At that time.) Had no need to really.

BUT it is easy, and nowhere near as worrying and scary as some people assume.

Don't worry about your DP. He will be fine.

How long had you been driving for before giving birth though? Admittedly if you had passed the test then gone into labour that would be a pretty short turn around!

I should say that I'm fine with experienced drivers on the motorway with my children, it's DP's inexperience that concerns me!

Motorways are statistically much safer than other roads.

Yeah I find some A-roads very dangerous actually, yet people fuss and fret about motorways. What are they scared of? The big lorries?! 🚚 (You get them on A-roads too!)

I think it really depends on what your dp is comfortable with. If they would rather take the train and build up their confidence then go with the train.
If they want to drive then I’d suggest going out a few times for a drive and build up to it in the next two weeks.

Everyone is different with what they are comfortable doing so if your dp wants more practise then they should take their time and just enjoy a train ride this holiday.

Statistically deaths on motorways account for only 5% of road related deaths.

Well it's a holiday, and holidays are supposed to be relaxing. So, if you feel you would enjoy taking the train more- just take the train! 5 year old would probably love it (1 year old might be squirmy).

Alternatively, you don't have to drive on the motorway. Is there an A road alternative? I was nervous about driving on motorways for years (learnt to drive in London, then moved to Cornwall which has no motorways) and always used to seek out non motorway routes. They take longer, but the plus side is that they're way more interesting and it's much easier to make impromptu stops.

For the sake of a happy holiday, and your stress levels, I would suggest train this time then another time, after DP has more driving experience, do the motorway.

Within a month of her birth but I had been driving for 12 years before that.
In the end either he’s safe to drive or he’s not.
Is he confident? If you do go can I suggest that you travel in the back so that you are less aware of the traffic around you? You sitting next to him having a panic attack every time a car comes anywhere near you is going to be the thing that actually causes the accidents.
It is actually not true that motorways are more dangerous. More people are killed on country lanes than motorways. I was told that on a speed awareness course.

I think the scariest bit is idiot drivers who drive too fast and don’t leave enough stopping distance, tailgaters and inexperienced drivers tbh.

Motorway driving is much much easier than town driving.

Same day ! DH dropped me off and looked after the kids while I did my test, then I drove him back to work and then drove home down the motorway . No choice really - and as others have said, it's safer there than anywhere else.

I passed at 17 and didn't have my own child until five years later but I was driving my sibling around while still in my teens. I don't remember specifically if I was on the motorway with my sibling or not, I was confident on motorways so it's not something I thought about much. It's only babies screaming or toddlers needing the loo that would bother me where I can't pull over.

Let him do it. You’ll make him far more nervous than he needs to be. I don’t know anyone that passed their driving test beyond the age of about 20, so most people will have be driving years before kids came on the scene.

But he’s 38, he’s not going to be carrying on like a 17 year old boy racer. He’s done well to pass his test, don’t mess around with the train, heap praise and confidence on him, don’t make him more stressed than he needs to be.

TBF OP your question is a bit niche, as most drivers I imagine drove on motorways within days or weeks of giving birth.

It's only relevant if they only just passed their test. I first drove on a motorway at age 24, but had passed my test the year before. My first DC was born when I was 35.

Motorways are a lot safer than other roads -no roundabouts, no junctions, no traffic lights, no cyclists, no pedestrians. Please don't worry.

I'm about to take my test (I'm 30) I have young children too, before starting to learn I thought I'd never feel safe to go on the motorway with them but I actually do motorway driving in every lesson. Has you DP done this too? I now feel totally different & think I'll feel fine taking them on the motorway, my main worry is about them distracting me by constantly talking to me so I'm planning while it's still fresh for me to make sure they always have a tablet to distract them in the car or games etc while I build my confidence.
In your case I'd say take the train if you will feel safer and happier. Have a lovely holiday xx

Honestly I find car parks way more dangerous 😂 not least because people behave like entitled prats in the tractors they can't manouvere, but at least on motorway tends to send the kids to sleep. The start/stop of the car parks/town driving means baby often screaming blue murder which can be rather stressful and distracting while trying to not get smashed up by said entitled pricks with cars they can't handle.

Your DP will probably be fine, chances are it will be you that will be the problem if you turn into a backseat driver hissing and clenching and gasping every time you're overtaken or whatever. Thats usually more distracting and dangerous than the road itself. I refuse to drive with a certain family member in the car for this reason. I've driven for over 10 years but the second they're in the car they're grabbing the seat and screaming like I'm trying to kill them and they make me a dangerous driver.

Both myself and DP passed our tests when DC was about 2. I was happy to be out anywhere straight away, DP was (and still is) more apprehensive about driving on the motorway.

She can and will do it, but she doesn't like it. Personally there are some local roads and junctions I find harder than driving on the motorway. Everyone is different though, maybe a few trips with just you and DP will help you feel more relaxed about it?

I read that as you and your DP passed your tests when you were about 2! 😆

I was like whaaaa??? 😆

Well, I was a teenager so didn’t have kids then but it’s the very first thing I did. Passed my test, straight onto the motorway. I didn’t want it to become a ‘thing’.

That would have been impressive! TBF my first car was almost as close to being on the road when I was two as it was old when I got rid of it!

I was 32 and DP 36 when we passed, so like the OP a little bit older.

I did have motorway fear but motorways are very safe, no cyclists, everyone ia going in thr same direction and barriers

A roads where it's NSL and there's nothing inbetween you and the cars gojng the other way gives me the willies!

The m25 can make you feel a bit funny doing a half circle as it's multiple hours on a curve
...

TBF my first car was almost as close to being on the road when I was two as it was old when I got rid of it!

😆

Best to have a banger though. Then you won't care as much of you clip it/crash it! 😬

My DH was 18 when he passed. I was 28! 6th time. 😬