I'm broody but want to hold off because I feel 'young'

[Dressedupdown]

This is daft but I'm fighting broody feelings all the time. I'm tracking ovulation, imagining due dates, spending so much time with the babies of my siblings.

I'm 26 (27 in April), been with DH since we were teenagers and we have a home and good jobs, so nothing really holding me back. But I feel this pressure to 'live it up' a bit until I'm 30, as none of my friends have kids yet and I worry I'll regret having them younger than other people my age. A few parents have told me to wait and get everything out my system first, like the holidays/lie ins/night outs and I get where they are coming from.

My heart says YES, my head says hold off and enjoy your 20s some more. I don't even know if I'm fertile or how long it will take though.

Anyone felt the same/what did you do and are you happy with your decision?

It’s all there, isn’t it? The stable relationship, the financial security and the home. Why would you waste your most fertile years when you can just crack on and start your family in ideal circumstances? You can still have holidays, lie ins and nights out when you have children. Go for it, assuming your bloke’s on the same page.

ETA I was 21 when my son was born and I never regretted it. I did a lot of the fun things in my 40s with the advantage of more money.

We had our first baby when I was 22 and DH was 26. We never ever regretted starting our family so young. We just enjoyed family life. In our 40s the DC were at uni and we could start travelling. We have been young and fit grandparents. 26 never used to be thought of as young. At 33 my mother was told she was old! If you are ready to have a baby go ahead.

Get pregnant now. What are you doing that is so exciting? I waited till I was 31 and I don't know why, it wasn't as if I went travelling round the world or anything. You'll have more time with your kids and will get your life back sooner.

I would do it, I had my DC in my 20s now I’m almost 40 I’m having the time of my life, holidays with and without them, plenty of friends and nights out. Friends round for dinner without worrying about putting babies to bed. We have plenty spare cash that we didn’t have when the DC we’re young so they are well provided for with lots of activities and days out.

DH has never been held back in his career, I was but making up for it now I don’t have to worry about childcare so much.

Most of my peer group held off until later in life because they wanted to be financial stable and settled in their careers etc before having kids. I started my family early because I rationalised that kids would probably prefer to have parents with youthful energy. I don't regret it. I'm late fifties now and my kids are all grown up with kids of their own and I still have energy to act the goat with my grandkids. By contrast, I have friends who will be retired before their kids have finished their education. I'm very, very happy with the choices I made. Oh and we've still managed to have careers and financial security, we just had slightly different priorities than our friends.

My friend waited and it ended up taking them years to conceive. If you are ready now, I don’t understand why you would wait.

It’s great that you have your home and careers. Think about your career progression - it’s a lot harder with young children. I waited until 35 and it was a great choice. Financially in a really strong position so no financial worries or pressures and I was in a great place in my career which I could then maintain.

It's so knackered I regret waiting until I was 32. If you have all the boxes ticked I'd probably go on a few holidays, party nights, cinema. Then get to it :D

You’ll never be young and carefree again like you are in your 20s. Even people that have babies young, are never truly young in that way once their kids are grown.

Wait a few years would be my advice.

With the joy of hindsight, I sometimes wish I'd had a couple more years to enjoy being kids free but that is only now that lie ins and freedom have changed a little if you see what I mean. Didn't appreciate it until it was gone.

BUT I was always fearful of not being able to have kids so wanted to get started in case I had issues along the way and more time was needed. So don't regret it at all for that reason and of course for the children I now have.

I was same age as you.

Perhaps do a little investigation of the negative sides then see if you feel the same as you do now. Regretful parents on reddit will show the less fun aspects.

If you still love the idea of children when you have the un rose tinted view of it (as well as the hormone driven desire) then go for it and all the very best.

I had mine at 28 and 30 and it’s great. Now I am 42 and life is brilliant. And hopefully I’ll be young enough to meet and get to know my grand children 🙂

I think if you both feel ready and want it now, start trying. You're not super young and you sound financially stable enough etc.

I was 24 with DC1, 27 with DC2 and pregnant now with DC3 at 30. Pretty sure this will be the last one, not least cos we've spaced ours out and to have any more would mean being stuck in the trenches with babies/pre-schoolers for a decade which seems like such a long time. There are advantages to starting 'young' ISH and one of them is being able to space the kids out without much issue or pressure or worry about age/fertility etc. So much easier than having loads of toddlers together/getting up in the night with multiple children and enough time to recover between births/pregnancies and have some normality and social life and sleep in between each child, and more time to dedicate individually to the littlest ones as the older ones are in nursery/school some of the time etc. I'm so glad we started when we did mostly for that reason. 3 under 4 and all that would have been far too much for me to cope with and lots of women feel pushed into small gaps due to their age.

I had my kids in my 20s and no regrets. I am now in my 40s with teen/young adult kids and can have been able to have lie ins and go out for years now. You don’t know what life is going to throw at you so I think it’s good to dive in when the circumstances are right. After all they say that people on their death bed often regret what they didn’t do over what they did do.

I really lived my twenties up. But it didn't really get me anywhere.

You can have holidays and lie ins (with a supportive DH) and nights out once you've got kids. And you'll have more energy than if you wait for another half a decade!

I say go for it. You don't know how long it might take you, or if there are any issues.

I think a big decision like this is one that you and your DH need to take together, following your hearts, without discussing it endlessly with others.

I was in your position 20 years ago, decided to crack on, had a miscarriage and then took 4 years to conceive dd, who is now 16. Hormones are weird, I was desperate to have a baby, it consumed my thoughts, especially after the mc, and I loved having a tiny baby but I did feel really trapped by motherhood for quite a few years. We were broke which didn’t help, and I did find the monotony of it hard. Now I’ve got two amazing teens and I am so happy and proud to be their mum. I’m also looking forward to getting a bit of freedom to ‘live it up’ when they are grown.

Fertility does start to decline a little after 25, and dramatically drops after 35.

I had mine at 34 and couldn't have another because DH passed away. She's 6 now and the best thing ever, although I found the baby years very tough. In hindsight, I wish I'd done it sooner – but I'm glad I didn't have kids with anyone other than DH, and I didn't meet him until I was 29.

My SIL had her kids young. She's 50 now with two young adults and they have a great time, travelling and gigs and whatnot. You can do all that stuff with kids too.

Do it! I started my family at 27 and think it's the perfect age tbh... You're still young with loads of energy and now in my 40s I've got older teens and alllll my freedom back! If you're ready go for it!

Do you have specific things you want to do before kids?
Personally I had a couple of significant holidays and a hobby I wanted to dedicate some serious training time too. I wouldn’t delay kids if you feel ready for nebulous ideas of “child free fun” without a clear idea of what those things were. They don’t have to be “big” things - but they should be important to you, not to anyone else

I was your exact age when I had DS. My friends are just having babies now 8 years later. I on the other hand am in perimenopause and doing IVF so so glad I had DS when I did. If everything in your life is right and you are ready go for it during these great years for having a baby. So much energy and health in your twenties.

I had mine at 25, never occurred to me that i was young. I was married and I believed stable at the time, however exDH turned into a shit when DD was born and a few years later i was penniless and homeless despite doing everything 'right'.

Still no regrets though, I'm 38 now and feel much too old and tired to be breeding and I gather the chance if conception plummets and chance of complications jump at this age so I feel glad I got it out of the way. I'm also getting my life back in my 30s and living it up now! Theres plenty of life to fill when they fly the nest....

I don’t think you should feel obliged to wait longer unless there is something specific you want to do first, eg advance your career or travel. Babies and small children usually bring a fair bit of chaos and lack of sleep. You could enjoy your lie-ins now, or you could get the sleep deprivation out of the way and get back to lie-ins sooner!

I had my babies at 28 and 30 and have no regrets. I did my stint with sleep deprivation when I was still young and could better cope with it.

I’m 46 now and the kids are pretty independent. One is an adult, the other almost there. I get plenty of lie-ins now and childfree time and weekends away. Some of my friends who waited longer to start families are still doing school runs and having to get up in the night. I don’t envy them but we’re all different and I’m sure they have good reasons for waiting.

Personally I’d crack on with it if I were you, especially as you don’t yet know if there might be fertility issues (hopefully not).

All the best, whatever you decide.

I had mine a good 4-5 years before most of my friends.

Downside was that I didn't have a ready made network and had to find new people to hang out with on mat leave etc- felt very envious of my friends who got to spend this time with their long-term friends rather than having to forge new friendships while sleep-deprived and covered in milk.

However I am now getting the upside- my kids are now adults or nearly adults and I'm only in my 40s. I've been able to reignite my career (having gone PT for family reasons before) much more easily than if I'd been older and I hope that I'll get many years of being relatively young and healthy while enjoying my children's company and I'll be young enough to help out with childcare if they have children. Contrast this to my brother who had his kids in his 40s and is now worrying about being an old man while they are still at home, maybe never meeting his grandchildren etc.

Pros and cons to every age.

I had my DC at 35 and 37 and don't regret it at all. It was the right time for ME, but everyone's different. I spent my 20's at uni, travelling, buying my first home, building my career... Basically doing what I wanted, when I wanted. By the time DC came along (they're only 2 and 3 now), I felt I'd done a lot of what I wanted to do (not everything obviously) and was mentally prepared to give up my freedom effectively, as that's what having kids means in the early days. If you're ready for that too then why wait? However, be sure as you don't want to end up feeling resentful of your DC and feeling like they're holding you back.

Why don't you do something in between? Really live it up for 18 months and then start trying.

I had mine at 30 and had done so much beforehand - but it was still an enormous shock as to how having a baby took over my whole life! Going on holiday with kids in tow is not in anyway the same either!

Make the most of your time now, be selfish, do whatever you fancy - because life is completely different with kids.