I'm broody but want to hold off because I feel 'young'

[Dressedupdown]

This is daft but I'm fighting broody feelings all the time. I'm tracking ovulation, imagining due dates, spending so much time with the babies of my siblings.

I'm 26 (27 in April), been with DH since we were teenagers and we have a home and good jobs, so nothing really holding me back. But I feel this pressure to 'live it up' a bit until I'm 30, as none of my friends have kids yet and I worry I'll regret having them younger than other people my age. A few parents have told me to wait and get everything out my system first, like the holidays/lie ins/night outs and I get where they are coming from.

My heart says YES, my head says hold off and enjoy your 20s some more. I don't even know if I'm fertile or how long it will take though.

Anyone felt the same/what did you do and are you happy with your decision?

Not an attack, but it could have been worded much better. I didn't waste my 20s having kids. As a 33 year old disabled person, I made a really good choice to have my dc when I did. Wouldn't have had the option if I'd have waited. So that 'wasted' time was very well spent.

Aw this is nice. I had mine at 28 & 30 too, I'm 33 so they're still young but it's nice to think about the future in this way

@K0OLA1D so my post could have been worded better, but not the one I quoted? It's ok to suggest that having children in your 20s is a 'waste', but questioning that sentiment is wrong?

Hang on I've just read your post again and I don't know if you're saying I could have worded it better or the post I quoted because I was actually objecting to the idea that having children in your 20s is a waste and you seem to be saying the same thing...

Sorry I thought it was you who said it was a waste 😂

I don’t think 27 is that young to have a baby. I had mine at 26 and 29 and I’m 37 now and it’s lovely. If you’re broody and ready for a baby then why not? In terms of ‘living it up’, if you have babies in your 20s you can live it up in your 40/50s. If you have babies in your 30/40s you can live it up in your 20s. Either way you’re raising kids somewhere and living it up somewhere

No I think we're on the same page @K0OLA1D 😁

So do I!! I obviously wasn't following the thread properly! My apologies

Yeah for the first five years or so then you start to get your lie ins back and childcare costs massively decrease. People act like parenting children is all about the early years and it isn't. You have to think long term, like do you really want to be reading biff chip and kipper when you're 45?

Parenting is hard at any age. It doesn't get any less difficult or less expensive when you're in your late 30s or 40s.

Assuming you got pregnant quickly you'd be 28 when you had the baby - that's not young! If it takes a while you could be 30 or older.

I was 26 when I had my first, I would say don’t wait. Medically things are much lower risk with pregnancy and birth in your twenties. And when my kids are independent adults I will only be mid forties.

I had mine in my twenties - nothing on earth could persuade me to be the mum in my 40s at the primary school gates.

I was younger than you having ds. We had jobs, mortgage, car, etc. I would go for it.

We got our travelling out the way in our very early 20s and then continued a bit with ds when he was born but obviously child friendly family holidays.

I didn't want a baby when I was 40 so had mine younger.

You don't know what life's going to throw at you. When it comes to having kids, even if you have the basics in place then there's never a 100% "right" time. You'd always find a reason why you shouldn't do it at whatever age you consider it. Anything could be round the corner.

You could decide to wait a few years and then before you have the chance to even try for children, your DH might drop dead (god forbid).

You could end up trying at 35 then struggle to conceive and then the older you get from that point the more difficult IVF could be. Imaging getting to the age of 40 having waited for your friends to start having children so that you wouldn't feel the odd one out/too young, then you all start to TTC and you watch your friends get pregnant no trouble while you end up having multiple rounds of IVF and going through all the stress that brings. Maybe it would be unsuccessful.

You could have a baby at 37 then develop a terminal illness when you're 50 and leave them without a mum when they're mid teens, as opposed to mid 20s if you'd had them when you were 27.

You could end up progressing in your career over the next few years and find it harder to combine that with starting motherhood, and wished you'd had the children first and THEN been able to devote time to your job once they were becoming more independent.

You could get to 40 and feel GLAD you waited till then, only to have a baby and find that you're exhausted by the time they're 10, with the stress that menopause and having aging parents can bring. And you then hit the teenage years with all that going on. Not a good combination.

I don't think you should overthink it. Mother nature is urging you to go for it. Your DH feels the same. You have everything set up to provide a stable life for a baby. What's stopping you?

Someone has to be the first in a friendship group to have children. Why shouldn't it be you?

On the other hand, you could have a baby with extra needs next year, and feel the strain of that while your friends are off to shows and on holiday and wish that you'd had a few more years of freedom.

There are downsides and upsides to all possible age of having children. Nothing is certain. All tht matters is that the child is love and wanted by you both and you can provide for him/her.

The one big plus on your side is that you've been with DH for years and have had plenty of couple time already.

Yet on this thread OP is saying most people are saying they have no regrets. It's such a life changing decision, I think it's best to go into it eyes wide open.

Guess it might depend on what else you want from your life outside of kids, and whether it’s be better to do that now or later on in life. You do have time on your side if you wanted to do something like travelling. A good friend of mine and her DH took a year’s sabbatical and travelled the world before they conceived their DC (at 30). I thought that was a great idea.

I had my first at 33, with hindsight I would have preferred slightly early so that I had more time to space out future children, but I didn’t meet DH until I was 30.

Good luck whatever you decide!

Yet you have more energy when you're younger to handle the strain of the early years. No-one would choose to have sleepless nights when you're older and have less energy, and at a time when maybe you're in a senior position at work.

The thread isn't about WHETHER to have children. It's about WHEN. The bad parts of parenting happen whatever age you are.

I was 26 having my first and 29 my second.. I'm 41 now with a 15 and 12 year old. They are great kids.. I'm enjoying not being so relied on anymore (helping with snacks, night wakings etc)
I wish I'd travelled more but overall glad I had them in my 20's

I had my DS when I was 27, it felt like the perfect age. I was alone in that thinking though as everyone else at the pre/antenatal appointments were either teenagers or mid thirties, I didn’t fit into either camp but I wouldn’t say I was bothered by it.

I think you have to follow a timeline that feels right to you and not what everybody does

I had mine at 22, 24 and 29. People have asked if I regret not having ‘lived’ pre-children, I always answer that I did a LOT of living in 4 years 😂

Me and (my older) DH were ready to settle down and the chance of being a Mummy was more important to me than other things so I didn’t want to put it off.

I do think some financial stability and a strong relationship are important considerations though, that first year is tough and I am a little bit jealous of peers who are having their first babies now and can afford coffees out everyday and Mum and baby massage / Yoga / music classes, when I had church hall stay and play and picnics at best.
Not enough to regret anything though!

Chat with your DH about what’s important to you both and don’t worry about what others think, as long as you can support a family it’s none of their business.

Absolutely agree with this. Travelling in your 40s or 50s after a family is a completely different experience to doing it in your 20s. If you want to travel, do it now and enjoy it carefree with no responsibilities. I met DH at 22. We worked hard, played hard through our 20s and 30s. Backpacked round the world for a year at 26, lived and worked in Asia & the Middle East. Lots of clubbing, parties, just really fun times. Had my first at 39. Wasn't knackered at all. Probably because I was used to pulling all nighters 😂. It won't be everyone's choice or experience but it was right for us. At 26 I was nowhere near settling down with kids. I think it's really young to be feeling that kind of pressure

Staying in 5* hotels in your 40s beats backpacking in your 20s hands down. How’s OP going to take off round the world when she’s got a mortgage and they’re both working?

better to have one in your 20s early 30s.
No way would i have on in my 40s some women are close to 50 no thank you.

I agree with you i only book adult hotels plus you get more confidence when you get older and no parenting to do.