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Original poster

I'm broody but want to hold off because I feel 'young'

130 replies

Dressedupdown · 29/02/2024 11:31

This is daft but I'm fighting broody feelings all the time. I'm tracking ovulation, imagining due dates, spending so much time with the babies of my siblings.

I'm 26 (27 in April), been with DH since we were teenagers and we have a home and good jobs, so nothing really holding me back. But I feel this pressure to 'live it up' a bit until I'm 30, as none of my friends have kids yet and I worry I'll regret having them younger than other people my age. A few parents have told me to wait and get everything out my system first, like the holidays/lie ins/night outs and I get where they are coming from.

My heart says YES, my head says hold off and enjoy your 20s some more. I don't even know if I'm fertile or how long it will take though.

Anyone felt the same/what did you do and are you happy with your decision?

OP posts:
Blueey · 29/02/2024 16:06

I was 25 when I had my first, 27 for my second. Really glad I was this age. I'm now 34 and considering a third but feel quite old to have another baby!

I heard a person describe is this way which blew my mind a bit - waiting until you're older isn't gaining any extra time, it's only taking away the time you will have with your eventual children. Wait three years, have three years less with that child basically.

LillyBugg · 29/02/2024 16:07

I would do it. I was in the same position as you and had my first son at 26. I'm 35 now and looking at my friends who are child free or with babies and thinking thank god that's not me having to do it all at this age. I'd rather have some freedom when they are teens and we are still young enough to enjoy the financial freedom that time will give.

Also you don't know if you'll be lucky, it could take you years and then you'll regret waiting.

I was also busting at 26, thinking due dates and babies and cycles etc. I don't regret it. My boys are now 9 and almost 7.

Blueey · 29/02/2024 16:08

Also still at my age only a minority of our friends have kids. Birth rates are dropping wildly and people are staying 'young' longer. Waiting might not change that.

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Families
Newnamesameoldlurker · 29/02/2024 16:12

The fact that none of your friends have kids would be the main thing that would give me pause. Its very isolating to be out of step with your peers on such a big thing. I had kids at the same time as my peers and I'm so grateful for that, as once you have a baby it's quite all- consuming, holidays are geared around kids etc and you want to be with people at the same stage also think about your career- dh and I advanced a lot in our late 20s and early 30s so now have lots more money and flexibility which makes parenting MUCH easier

Strangeness · 29/02/2024 16:12

Alll I can say from experience is it’s far easier parenting teens before menopause than during.

pumpkinpiee · 29/02/2024 16:16

I got pregnant at 28 and gave birth at 29 and feel like this was the perfect age for me! Maybe spend the next year or two travelling/enjoying date nights/saving for mat leave and childcare fees as you have some time to play with. Or I can’t see any reason why you shouldn’t go for it already if that’s what you want! I guess you never know how long it’s going to take

RhubarbGingerJam · 29/02/2024 16:35

I was pg 27 - and 28 when had pfb. We got a lot of your too young from everyone - then your having them too close together - had last 32.

If you have something to accomplish a trip - saving - career point - then waiting makes sense - otherwise it not really time you appreciate it's just everyday life

I did get told by family who had kid younger than us that we should have done big trips prior- but we were saving for house and stability they did them in their 40 when they were mortgage and child free - we'll get to that point in our 50s hopefully still young enough to enjoy a few. I'm really glad we didn't wait longer though couldn't have done much earlier despite having been together a decade.

lambhotpot · 29/02/2024 17:01

I had my son at 18 he`s 19 now,
No regrets.
I do look at some and think how are you doing it.

Moseyjosey · 29/02/2024 17:03

Do it. I am 22, DH 25 and we are trying. Newly wed but don’t see a reason to wait. Follow your heart! Nothing wrong with wanting to be a mum in your 20s x

cardibach · 29/02/2024 17:07

I had my DD at 31, but it was pretty quickly after I had the partner/house/job stuff sorted.
I’m 59. I have nights out, lie in regularly (especially since I’m semi retired) and go on lots of holidays. You don’t have to ‘get it out of your system’ in your 20s and never ever do it again. Is it even in your system?

FizzyWizzyBubbles · 29/02/2024 17:09

No regrets starting family young very early 20s.. No regrets. I had more energy for a start

hamstersarse · 29/02/2024 17:10

27 isn’t young to have a baby imo

Go for it. I was the same age for my first and I’m not 50 yet but have absolute freedom to do what I want now and I’d prefer to have freedom now than when I was 30….freedom at that age means working more, buying stuff and spending on nights out. Freedom now is much more wise!

Hisnamewaslunchbucket · 29/02/2024 17:14

Do it now for fuck sake.

I wish I could have had children in my 20s but I didn't meet my husband til 32 so had first baby at 34.

You have so much more energy for it when you're younger. You've your whole life ahead of you to "live it up"

Honestly get on with it 🙏🏻

NotestoSelf · 29/02/2024 17:16

I wouldn't waste my twenties on having children. I had DS at 39, which was not a moment too soon for me, and meant I was in a financial and headspace to embrace the incredible tedium of the early years, and in a senior enough role for work to be very flexible.

Tiredlittlelegs · 29/02/2024 17:17

Newnamesameoldlurker · 29/02/2024 16:12

The fact that none of your friends have kids would be the main thing that would give me pause. Its very isolating to be out of step with your peers on such a big thing. I had kids at the same time as my peers and I'm so grateful for that, as once you have a baby it's quite all- consuming, holidays are geared around kids etc and you want to be with people at the same stage also think about your career- dh and I advanced a lot in our late 20s and early 30s so now have lots more money and flexibility which makes parenting MUCH easier

Do not worry about this. Your friendship group will change and you will make new friends at baby and toddler groups etc.

If your current friends are truly friends, you'll stick with each other regardless.

Other people's lives are not a reason to delay having children.

ViciousCurrentBun · 29/02/2024 17:17

I would write a list of all the stuff you wants do that would be really difficult with small children and then decide on a few things and do those over the next year and start trying when you hit 28.

Overtheatlantic · 29/02/2024 17:18

My niece got pregnant at your age and has never regretted it! Babies and toddlers are tiring. 🤣

Partridgewell · 29/02/2024 17:21

I had two kids in my mid twenties and another 9 years later. If I had my time again I would have had the third one earlier 🤣 I had so much more energy first time round.

MammaTo · 29/02/2024 17:22

I don’t think there’s any right or wrong answer. I didn’t have mine till 32 and I wouldn’t change a thing. We’ve done concerts, holidays, festivals and had a ball - I think once I’d found out I was pregnant at 32 I felt fully ready.
I love my baby so much and I was happy to give up my previous social life for my new one - I might have resented it if I was a bit older. I know it’ll come back eventually, but pre 30’s I don’t think I’d of been happy giving up my lifestyle.

Divebar2021 · 29/02/2024 17:27

I wasn’t aware that there were so many people lacking in energy. I personally think it sounds exceptionally dull to be having children at that age but I was still fannying about with my career then and at 29 moved from the Midlands down to London. The main issue for me would be the career and being established enough to step away and return with the terms that you want. ( ie flexible working). I have been part time and now do a hybrid role WFH and have a great deal or freedom to work around my DD. I’m also not phased about staying in on Fridays / Saturdays but most certainly would have been in my 20’s. We’re all different though so these may not be concerns for you particularly.

Original poster
Dressedupdown · 29/02/2024 17:32

Thanks for the replies! Yes, DH would like kids too.

To answer a few PPs, yes it's very much 'in my system' unfortunately. I love trips with DH and friends, seeing theatre shows and gigs, and I'm not a massive clubber (I work full time), it's more that I enjoy some weekend day drinking with my friends/DH or the pub after work. There's a lot to be said for freedom! Sadly my hobbies don't seem very child friendly. I know you can have these things again but I don't think you're ever as carefree again so it's a different experience.

I do have such a longing though. Yes, if a couple of my friends were pregnant, I don't think I'd be giving it as much thought. Community is important to me and I am afraid of feeling isolated.

Yes, DH and I have been through a lot together, we met at 18 and a lot has happened since. He's a good husband, I was unwell last week and he took over and looked after me, like he always does. He does more house work than me and is just generally a good partner, but it's always a gamble I suppose.

I think I'll reassess in a few months. If I am still really broody, I'll go for it from June onwards.

I am so happy to hear most people have no regrets, makes me feel less afraid x

OP posts:
Silvers11 · 29/02/2024 17:35

Well I am in my early 70's, so things were different back in the 1970's and I was too young to get married at 19 and have my first baby at age 20, I see now. I ended up being a single parent for a couple of years. Got remarried and had my second baby when I was 24, which I felt and still feel was a good age.

However, in spite of the mistake of a husband at age 19 I have never actually regretted having my children when I was young. I had lots of energy while they were little. By the time I was 40, one was an adult and the other a 16 year old. I was then 'free' to do many things I wanted to do and have done ever since.

You are 26 and if you are settled and you want one now, then why not go for it?

Original poster
Dressedupdown · 29/02/2024 17:37

I didn't reply to concerns re my career. I am in a tech field and my employer is very flexible. I'm not particularly ambitious, so don't feel an urge to apply for promotions or become a manager or anything like that. I'm happy at my current level as I believe I have a good deal for wage vs responsibility and stress levels. My DH has a stressful career but the dads working alongside him work 4 days instead of 5, and he would plan to do this too (in an ideal world).

OP posts:
vincettenoir · 29/02/2024 17:37

If you have your kid(s) now you will still be pretty young when you start to get a bit of freedom back. If you and dp are ready to go then it sounds like the right time.

WeightoftheWorld · 29/02/2024 17:39

Tiredlittlelegs · 29/02/2024 17:17

Do not worry about this. Your friendship group will change and you will make new friends at baby and toddler groups etc.

If your current friends are truly friends, you'll stick with each other regardless.

Other people's lives are not a reason to delay having children.

Show quote history

Agree with this. We had kids earlier than any of our family/friends although one couple did have their first shortly after our first, but they're long-distance friends anyway. We made new friends with young kids and the good friends stuck by us and we socialise with our childfree friends away from our kids, it's not an issue.