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Original poster

I'm broody but want to hold off because I feel 'young'

130 replies

Dressedupdown · 29/02/2024 11:31

This is daft but I'm fighting broody feelings all the time. I'm tracking ovulation, imagining due dates, spending so much time with the babies of my siblings.

I'm 26 (27 in April), been with DH since we were teenagers and we have a home and good jobs, so nothing really holding me back. But I feel this pressure to 'live it up' a bit until I'm 30, as none of my friends have kids yet and I worry I'll regret having them younger than other people my age. A few parents have told me to wait and get everything out my system first, like the holidays/lie ins/night outs and I get where they are coming from.

My heart says YES, my head says hold off and enjoy your 20s some more. I don't even know if I'm fertile or how long it will take though.

Anyone felt the same/what did you do and are you happy with your decision?

OP posts:
ShiftySquirrel · 29/02/2024 17:40

I had mine at 26 & 28 absolutely no regrets. They're teens now and I'm early 40s.

I love babies and small children in same the way I love puppies and kittens. Love a cuddle, but glad to hand them back!

TwistedSisters · 29/02/2024 17:45

26 is not too young. If you want it, go for it. There are pros and cons to any age. Who knows, it might take you a couple years to conceive.
I had my first at 27, just had my 3rd at 34. Don't regret a thing. Having had 2 in my 20s I don't think I'd like to start in my 30s, I would be a lot more knackered!

TheLittleRedDragon · 29/02/2024 17:47

Dressedupdown · 29/02/2024 17:32

Thanks for the replies! Yes, DH would like kids too.

To answer a few PPs, yes it's very much 'in my system' unfortunately. I love trips with DH and friends, seeing theatre shows and gigs, and I'm not a massive clubber (I work full time), it's more that I enjoy some weekend day drinking with my friends/DH or the pub after work. There's a lot to be said for freedom! Sadly my hobbies don't seem very child friendly. I know you can have these things again but I don't think you're ever as carefree again so it's a different experience.

I do have such a longing though. Yes, if a couple of my friends were pregnant, I don't think I'd be giving it as much thought. Community is important to me and I am afraid of feeling isolated.

Yes, DH and I have been through a lot together, we met at 18 and a lot has happened since. He's a good husband, I was unwell last week and he took over and looked after me, like he always does. He does more house work than me and is just generally a good partner, but it's always a gamble I suppose.

I think I'll reassess in a few months. If I am still really broody, I'll go for it from June onwards.

I am so happy to hear most people have no regrets, makes me feel less afraid x

Be aware that anyone who expresses regret in public over becoming a parent is berated and piled on. (So you might find that lots of people will gush over how fabulous it is to be a parent, especially on MN).

See regretful parents on reddit. Take a really good look at what you are getting into. Then if it still seems like a good idea, go for it.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
Twoshoesnewshoes · 29/02/2024 17:51

I had my DC n mid twenties, all good, loved it!
I was on the kids in uni thread earlier, some people delaying retirement as they need to fund children’s university.
im 17 years from retirement age and my youngest is in uni so the financial benefits can be at both ends!

Lougle · 29/02/2024 18:01

I had my children at 26, 27 and 29. Now I have a fantastic set of teenagers at 44.

All of mine have SEN, so I'm a bit more limited in terms of social life but they're worth it.

Rainbowshit · 29/02/2024 18:02

I had my first child when I was 30. Wish I'd waited slightly longer and done more travelling etc.

Moseyjosey · 29/02/2024 18:03

TheLittleRedDragon · 29/02/2024 17:47

Be aware that anyone who expresses regret in public over becoming a parent is berated and piled on. (So you might find that lots of people will gush over how fabulous it is to be a parent, especially on MN).

See regretful parents on reddit. Take a really good look at what you are getting into. Then if it still seems like a good idea, go for it.

Show quote history

I have found MN the opposite. People seem to say how terrible it is 99% of the time, seems disproportionate

RedMark · 29/02/2024 18:05

It's tough because everyone will have their own unique experience. I started trying with DH after we got married. I was 26. I wanted two, and wanted them both before I was 30. Fertility issues ruined all that. I had my children at 31 and 34 after years and years of trying / ICSI, still young enough but I hate to think what would've happened if we'd waited.

On the other hand, friends who were older than us tried and got pregnant the first month. You just never know 🤷🏼‍♀️

Go with your gut and what feels right for you and your husband
Don't listen to anyone else.

BlackeyedSusan · 29/02/2024 18:07

BIossomtoes · 29/02/2024 12:37

It’s all there, isn’t it? The stable relationship, the financial security and the home. Why would you waste your most fertile years when you can just crack on and start your family in ideal circumstances? You can still have holidays, lie ins and nights out when you have children. Go for it, assuming your bloke’s on the same page.

ETA I was 21 when my son was born and I never regretted it. I did a lot of the fun things in my 40s with the advantage of more money.

Edited

Waiting to have children means it might not happen...

And I don't recommend having children older... it's bloody knackering. I'm still raising teens in my fifties and I wish I'd been able to have them earlier. (No partner earlier)

HomeIsHardToFind · 29/02/2024 18:11

I had mine at 23 and 26 and its been great!
We are fortunate to have been in stable housing and both work full time but I wouldn't change anything, I am 40 now with a 17 year old and a 13 year old. Personally I am glad I had my children when I did as I have a few health niggles now and would find young children exhausting.

Janehasamane · 29/02/2024 18:13

I was 29 when I had mine, I’d wait op, you’ve got time. You don’t need to rush, give it another couple of years, have fun, parenthood is for life and it’s a shock. People are talking shite on here, lie ins , nights out, are hard to achieve for the early years, school runs, nursery, child,care it’s a lot. Your friends and family are right.

OrionStridesIn · 29/02/2024 18:14

NotestoSelf · 29/02/2024 17:16

I wouldn't waste my twenties on having children. I had DS at 39, which was not a moment too soon for me, and meant I was in a financial and headspace to embrace the incredible tedium of the early years, and in a senior enough role for work to be very flexible.

Wow I find this a really odd view- 'wasting' your 20's on having children?

I had mine at 24 and 26 because I wanted to have them and I don't regret it for a second. I loved it when they were little, and now they're 11 and 9 I still love it. I don't feel I 'wasted' my 20s at all. Of course there are hard and crap things involved in having kids, same as most things in life. I have a really great job these days, really interesting and enjoyable, still has its dull/difficult moments.

If you think it's a 'waste' why bother having them at all? A perfectly valid choice btw. But such a strange outlook.

Janehasamane · 29/02/2024 18:17

OrionStridesIn · 29/02/2024 18:14

Wow I find this a really odd view- 'wasting' your 20's on having children?

I had mine at 24 and 26 because I wanted to have them and I don't regret it for a second. I loved it when they were little, and now they're 11 and 9 I still love it. I don't feel I 'wasted' my 20s at all. Of course there are hard and crap things involved in having kids, same as most things in life. I have a really great job these days, really interesting and enjoyable, still has its dull/difficult moments.

If you think it's a 'waste' why bother having them at all? A perfectly valid choice btw. But such a strange outlook.

Show quote history

Why attack as you chose to have kids young, of course it’s hard and hugely expensive, it reads like you went through the pain so think others should too.

your life changes hugely. Childcare costs thousands. Yes children are a gift, a joy, but you need to be ready and prepared for how hard it is.

mynewname25 · 29/02/2024 18:18

I had mine at 32 and 34 and regularly wish I had been younger (partly due to TTC no.3 for 3 yrs now )

If you are nearly 27 then the likelihood is that you will be 28 when you have the baby which I think would be a lovely age to have a first DC.

Good luck OP

Moseyjosey · 29/02/2024 18:20

Janehasamane · 29/02/2024 18:17

Why attack as you chose to have kids young, of course it’s hard and hugely expensive, it reads like you went through the pain so think others should too.

your life changes hugely. Childcare costs thousands. Yes children are a gift, a joy, but you need to be ready and prepared for how hard it is.

Show quote history

@OrionStridesIn isn’t attacking anyone. And it doesn’t read like she went through pain. It reads as if she loves having her kids, despite the challenges it can bring (as can anything in life). She is 100% right to be wondering why people on here act like having children is a sentence. I agree with every word she said.

Martinii · 29/02/2024 18:21

I wouldn't wait in order to get nights out/lie ins and holidays out my system! I had mine at 21 and 24, they are now 17 and 15 and I'm so glad I didn't wait!

I need my lie ins far more now than I ever did in my 20s where I had more energy! I honestly couldn't imagine being my age now with small kids, I'd be absolutely shattered and wish I hadn't wasted my lie in opportunities when young. Me and my dc are planning a weekend away to celebrate my 40th and her 18th in London, it'll be fab! My life certainly wasn't over because I had kids younger, it's actually made it way better because as nice as small kids and babies are, that part is over (I can have a lie in!)

Obviously some people don't have a choice to have them later, but given the choice (and the reasons people give to not have them younger) I say definitely go for it!

PizzaPastaWine · 29/02/2024 18:21

I don't necessarily think the age makes a great deal of difference - it's financial security you need which may women loose after having a child through part time work.

I had my DC at 27 and 29. Now I'm mid 40s and can see the light and I'm still young enough for it.

mirror245 · 29/02/2024 18:22

I had my one and only at 28. Started trying at 26 and it took 2 years and ivf. Couldn't have anyway. I think it was a perfect age. Dd is 13, I'm 41 and life is good. I look at my friends my age battling toddlers and I'm very grateful things worked out the way they did for me.
From what I've seen, it's often harder to adjust the older you get as you get more stuck in your ways.

BingoMarieHeeler · 29/02/2024 18:22

Do it. I had my first at 25, then 27 then 32. 34 now and still feel young. Putting it off because you feel young - where’s the logic. Enjoy!

OrionStridesIn · 29/02/2024 18:23

FGS that constitutes an 'attack', does it? Having a different opinion on whether having children in your 20s is a 'waste'?

The drama on here...

Wallywobbles · 29/02/2024 18:24

My DSis is 9 years older than me and had kids 7 years younger than me (I was 33). Her kids had active grandparents, mine could never be left alone with their grandparents.

If you have the option don't wait.

K0OLA1D · 29/02/2024 18:26

I was 21 and 23 when I had my dc. First of both our groups of friends.

My friends had their dc a few years later but dps are only just starting. I have no regrets having our dc younger. They're 12 and 10 now. If I'd have waited I'd never have been able to have dc due to my health deteriorating so badly.

Treesaregreen1 · 29/02/2024 18:26

I had mine mid 20s and no regrets. Some friends soon followed. Otherwaited till mid 30s / nearly 40 and I don’t envy them with new borns at that age. They’re happy with their decision but I’m happy with mine as I’m getting some independence and freedom now they’re getting older.

TeenLifeMum · 29/02/2024 18:27

My first dd was just before I was 27 then twins at 29. I’m now 41 and so so glad I had them then so I am at a stage now where we have some money and can enjoy regaining independence as dc get older. My friends are having babies now and I feel a bit smug as they’re knackered whereas I get a lay in and dc who bring me coffee on a Saturday morning. If dc give me grandchildren, I’ll be young enough to enjoy them. For me it’s the perfect age - but we’re all different.

ThreeRingCircus · 29/02/2024 18:31

I had DDs when I was 29 and 31 and felt it was the perfect age. DH and I had also met when we were young, owned our own house etc.

The likelihood is you'd be 28 when you had your first which is very similar to what I was and a lovely age. The bonuses have been that I still feel reasonably young, will get my "freedom" back a bit sooner but the biggest benefit for me was children having more time with their grandparents. Unfortunately circumstances meant DH and I both lost parents when we were only in our 30s and it brought us great comfort that they had seen our DDs both born.

If I were you, I'd have one lovely adults only holiday with your DH (something I wish I'd done!) and then start trying.