I'm broody but want to hold off because I feel 'young'

[Dressedupdown]

This is daft but I'm fighting broody feelings all the time. I'm tracking ovulation, imagining due dates, spending so much time with the babies of my siblings.

I'm 26 (27 in April), been with DH since we were teenagers and we have a home and good jobs, so nothing really holding me back. But I feel this pressure to 'live it up' a bit until I'm 30, as none of my friends have kids yet and I worry I'll regret having them younger than other people my age. A few parents have told me to wait and get everything out my system first, like the holidays/lie ins/night outs and I get where they are coming from.

My heart says YES, my head says hold off and enjoy your 20s some more. I don't even know if I'm fertile or how long it will take though.

Anyone felt the same/what did you do and are you happy with your decision?

If you're feeling broody and are in the right place financially, why wait. The only thing I'd say is that I see lots and lots of women whose careers never progress (and often go backwards) once they've started a family. But their DH's careers still progress. If you're fine with that, all good. If you want still want to progress, ensure your DH is on the same page and willing to make the sacrifices too (e.g. sharing having to take time off for sick kids; doing half the drop-offs and collection from school).

I had a baby at 21
Another at 30
And a surprise one at 40
I'm no more knackered now than I was the first one but I wish I'd waited longer to become a mum.
Enjoy your twenties would be my advice.

I don't think that's super young to have a first baby really. Say it takes 6 months to get pregnant- you'll be 28 when the baby arrived. I was 29 when I had my first and was by no means considered a young mum.

I had DD1 at 27, it was perfect for me. I'd done all my partying and long haul travelling. I'd been with DH for 9yrs, married for 3.
I found motherhood a doddle and now she's 16, my career is now doing well, DH and I are enjoying not having to the baby stuff in our mid 40s.

@Dressedupdown

Get your fertility checked - and your husband should do the same - to check there are unlikely to be any problems with conception or whether you have the green light. The two of you sound as though you have your life together already so trying for your first child will just be the next step I think so if the two of you are in agreement go for it. The two of you could lay in some dedicated finances for the maternity leave and childcare costs, agree how the chores (incl childcare) will work between you, how long to stay on maternity leave, etc ahead of time so you're both on the same page. I'm assuming you both have life insurance policies and wills with each other as beneficiaries plus you are both beneficiaries for each other's pensions and employer death in service benefits too.

Good luck for the future. 🌹

I don’t think 26 is young. If you didn’t have all the boxes like relationship and housing sorted I’d say wait till you did but you do so I’d say go for it.

As someone who had my kids late (late 30s) I say go for it now. I really wish I'd had mine younger and could have enjoyed a little more freedom in my 40s. Also I would have had them in my life for longer and so would my parents. My children will lose their grandparents when they're still young which is sad (plus my parents are now too frail to fully enjoy being grandparents).
I'll be parenting a teenager and a pre-teen in my 50s. I'd prefer to be doing this at a younger age to be honest, now I've experienced the joys of perimenopause!
Of course there are many wonderful mothers in their 40s and 50s (including me!) but I do feel that for many reasons it's better to start young.

I wouldn't wait another day. 27 is a perfect age to have a baby, in every way. You really want to party more at clubs? Wouldn't be my idea of a good time.

i would generally agree with get partying and being selfish out of the system before you have kids
take time to enjoy your partner, ideally be in a good financial position
BUT, some people are 45 and are still partying every night and want to live a carefree life, and honestly good for them if they can
others will be late 20s and are ready to have kids, sounds like you are, my only question is, is your partner?
if the 2 of you are in the same boat, go for it

Wait til at least 28. Make sure your money, housing and relationship are solid. Offer to babysit or adopt a puppy meanwhile. Once you are a parent even when your kids are over 18 you are never ever the same person, you never fully just live for yourself. There is a piece of you always out there to worry about.

My DH and I are 27/29 but we were 26/28 when we started trying. We thought, what are we waiting for?! We are so broody and we've always wanted to be parents. We don't really 'live it up', we're quite chilled and enjoy nights in, long hikes, sports and having dinner parties. Some of my other friends at the same age are the opposite and enjoy going to bars etc.

One thing we did do though, was go on a big holiday to our dream destination (which was Bali) and literally did everything possible out there - eating out, activities, lush hotels, spa days, evenings out etc.

Another thing that also prompted us to start trying is that my DH's cousin started trying at 30 and is now 36 and going through IVF. You just don't know how long it'll take, and if you'll have any issues. I have PCOS which is now largely under control, and that did influence our decision.

If there is anything you think you need to get out of your system then go for it now, but if it's just other people telling you that you should go clubbing when you have no desire to go then don't worry! I was 28 when I had my daughter, was the first of all my friends and siblings/cousins, and I have no regrets because my life is much better with her in it, even if I can't do some holidays I might have done before. I've still been able to go to any big occasions because my husband or family take care of her, so I don't feel like I've missed out on anything much (though I didn't have the most exciting social life before)! We did go on a big holiday when I was pregnant which was the one thing I wanted to do before we lost some freedom.

Part of the reason we just went for it is that we didn't want to wait and then find out we had any fertility issues - if you are sure you want kids, don't particularly want to wait, and have everything set up to have them then I personally wouldn't want to risk waiting.

If you know you want kids then I would go for it now. I had my two in my 20’s. Both my parents died when I was in my 30’s so if I had waited, there’s a good chance my girls wouldn’t have ever known their grandparents and vice versa (they also had a great grandparent for 10 years of their life too).

Go for it.
I had my one and only at 33. I wish I had done it ten years earlier.
Why wait? So you can have"nights out"? You can do that at any age.

26 is SO young.

When you have a child your life is over for the foreseeable. Of course you’ll get nights out, fun with friends etc but you’ll never have the freedom you enjoy now. You’ll never have the same level of energy and SLEEP you have now.

Becoming a mum is paramount to never putting yourself first again - or at least for the next 18 years minimum.

It’s wonderful having kids, absolutely brilliant, but your life is no longer your own, no more lazy Sundays, no more relaxing hour long baths, no more just popping out for a random bottle of wine with friends on a Wednesday eve, no more gym 5 times a week etc (obviously you can do these things to a degree but they are planned, timed and limited). If are happy to accept that then no reason to wait. If you feel like you could spend another couple of years putting yourself first, enjoying just you and DH then you’d be wise to. 26 is very young for both a long term relationship and a child (I only know one couple still together who met in their 20s - I am mid 40s).

You'll be fine. I had one at 27 whilst married and settled and it was totally ok (well it wasn't but the baby wasn't the problem, the lockdowns were).

I had my first at 16 my second at 18 i did not miss out on anything and i would not want to go back in time and change any of it.
They have grown into two great men and work full time.
They have both moved out now and i in no way do i feel old im having a good time.
Im not even 40 yet.
I have a good job nice flat and im living.
Going on a girls holiday soon cuba here we come.
I have more confidence now.
Everyones life pans out differently It's how you deal with it that counts.

IME the most important thing is your partner.

Do you have an equal relationship where you feel like partners in the sense of business partners, co-pilots, partners in crime?

Does your DP take over your share of responsibilities when you're ill etc without instruction or expectation?

What's their absolute worst habit/trait and your honest opinion of it?

Would you be proud if your children grow up to be like him?

Have you taken care of any pets together, arranged anything like a holiday or event together, been through anything emotionally taxing together?

Would you trust him to make decisions, in your absence, without being able to consult you, that you'd be happy with?

I was [very] broody at 26 too and like you was married, had a home (only a 2 bed though) and both had good jobs. Didn't feel really financially ready though until we moved to a bigger house, had paid off all our student loans and were a bit more established in our careers - that was at 30. We had our first child at 31.

I think the thing is she's not 'carefree' if she's broody and longing for kids. She's unlikely to be able to enjoy all the freedom she has.
Op if it's what you want I think you should just go for it tbh.

I had my two at 28 and 30 and I think that was perfect - I'd had my early twenties to faff about but I was young and energetic enough to cope with the physical strain of the baby years. I'm 41 now and life is amazing - older children are such fun and I'm so glad I'm not dealing with little ones at this age.

One thing I think people don't consider enough is that the younger you have them, the younger you are at each stage of their life and the more of their life you are likely to see. If you have a baby at 27 and live to 87 your baby will be 60 by the time you leave them - you could be a great grandparent!

If all the signs are good and you're ready to go then I would strongly advise you not to delay - the longer you leave it the higher the risk that it won't happen at all.

I think instead of all this living it up and partying I would be looking at the maternity package offered by work and saving like a demon to cover your reduced maternity pay and cover some of the childcare costs that are going to cripple you. Research childcare costs in your area to be truly horrified by the whole thing.

Dh and I weren't arsed about travelling but Sunday morning lie ins and brunches were bliss.

Yep, I would advise you to do exactly that. It's one of those decisions that can't be undone if you change your mind later on... and it's a completely life altering decision.

Yeah go for it. I had mine at 31 and 35 and wish I'd done it maybe five years younger. I didn't really enjoy the end of my twenties that much because I just spent them being broody and wanting children. I was over nights out by that stage and wanted to spend my days doing things with kids, going to farms and NT places, that kind of thing. And I have loved it but the years haven't been kind to my health and I haven't got the energy I used to have. Kids deserve the best of you.

If you think that you are ready then go for it,
If I could do anything again in life I would have had children when I was still young.