Health visitor stressing out dd

[Babynan22]

My grandson is 11 months old. He will seem to sit up when on dds bed or the sofa. But he won't sit up on the floor. He can roll over and if he's laying on his back or front he kind of pushes his legs and ends up a few feet away. She does get him doing tummy time etc but he always gets very upset . She still trys though.

Hes quite small but he's in proportion. His mum is only 5ft 2. His dad is around 5ft 6. His nan on his dad's size is only around 5ft. 2 and her build is slight. So it could just be that GS takes after them . HV said hes around the Size of an 8 month old.

The other day the health visitor used a bit of string to see if GS would try and grab it but he was not interested. Hv was saying he should be trying to grab it by now.

He's mostly a content happy baby . Dd can encourage feeding but she can't force feed him. Once he's had enough he just spits it out and turns his head away . He smiles laughs listens, tries to copy .

Hv makes comments like when ever I visit you he's always in that chair. But he's not always in the chair. May have been in it when she knocks but that's likely to be because dd . Has probably had some cleaning to do before hv turns up.

She's always trying to force dd to go to play groups dd has made it clear that she does not Want to she hates them places etc.

Dd did have a social worker for quite a long time due to DV . He's in prison now. Social services have now closed the case . We are wondering if the HV is judging her because she had a social worker.

Incase it matters there is autism in both sides of the family

Sorry I realise that the HV has probably done the 12 month check. Has DD said how he scored and is the HV assessing him again or made any referrals?

@Babynan22
She sounds like she is doing lots of things with him so yes she doesn't need a playgroup if she doesn't want it and if she can access things like OT then that's good.
It does seem odd that the HV keeps suggesting it. Maybe she'll get bored of saying it eventually.
All the best to you (and her and baby 💐)

This was what I was also thinking…the ones my HV directed me towards were those specifically for mums with PND where there was a supportive group leader and other mums in the same boat….I was able to arrive and either say nothing for a whole session or even cry and I knew I wouldn’t get judged for it as we were all in the same boat…I was attempting to socialise with my post natal group at the same time and it was painful to see how some mums were absolutely loving motherhood. I would have been at risk of becoming even more isolated if my HV wasn’t supporting me to explore other options.My kids also both went to sure start /children’s centres ( though what remains after the last decade of Tory cuts I have no idea!) and the groups were likewise not “just” playgroups they had other services or support discretely attached. For eg. the staff picked up on speech delay (which I wasn’t aware of as a first time mum) and we were seen by the speech therapist and put in a speech therapy group. I do appreciate what it means to hate normal play groups , I did too!, but that is what I would want clarity on…if it’s just the run of the mill group then I absolutely agree that’s up to your daughter as she is doing other stuff…but it may be something different to the “normal “groups.

Care for children is more important that anyone choosing to feel judged

You should want the best care a child can get

Could DD be ND too? Women with ASD are notoriously more likely to end up in an abusive relationship and she seems a little sensitive about being judged and has some fixed thinking on the support that the HV is offering. Obviously I'm not saying that DD ciujd be ASD but if it's already been diagnosed in close family members it might be worth exploring.

I think he had it a few days back. I will double check with dd. Pretty sure it was though. And will ask about the score thing to. There's been no mention of referrals.

Just a thought might not mean anything. Gs was boring 4 weeks early. He's 1 at the end very end of March so since they done the check 5 ish weeks before his 1st birthday . Plus on top of that he was 4 weeks early. It feels like they done it (kind of) 9 weeks before he would have been 1. I think 9 weeks in a long time in baby world.... he's behinde regardless so maybe it does not make a difference.

If it was the 12 month Ages & Stages that the HV did I think that perhaps yes, it was a little early, especially given his prematurity. The 12 month one can be done from 11 months.

The 10 month Ages & Stages is here if DD wants to fill it in and see how he scores. It's pretty normal for them to score grey in a couple of areas but if it's more that I'd suggest DD calls her HV, shows her the results and insists on a referral to a Paediatrician.

@Babynan22 it's a 9-12 month check. The ages and stages questionnaire used is typically the 10 month one, not the 12 month. But depends on the child, factors like prematurity are a consideration.

Sorry I posted too soon, just to add, it's not a '1 year check', it's any time from 9 months old.

My children are grown up now but I found the HV invaluable, particularly with my eldest daughter. She wasn't reaching the developmental milestones and it's something I never picked up on with her being my first child. The HV made all the appropriate referrals and got the intervention my daughter needed. She was diagnosed with global developmental delay, then a moderate learning disability and now autism.

I didn't like going to the groups either but I forced myself and did it for my children. They loved them and enjoyed the new surroundings and the new toys. They also copy what other children are doing which can encourage their development.

I don't know if this is an option where DD lives, or if the places have been shut down recently, like many public services (thanks Tories 🙄) but I stopped home visits and went to a local health centre for weigh ins etc. Always a different face and very much in and out.

I found the home visits really intrusive and didn't like my HV at all and was much happier seeing different faces. I think that would be a much more manageable environment for DD. It must have been an incredibly hard couple of years with the pressure she's been under from SS etc, never mind the abuse at the hands of her ex.

Please remind her she does have agency and she does have choices. If it's all a bit too much on top of everything else then she is allowed to make changes for herself and the little one.x.