10 year old hot how often misbehave?

[purpleme12]

Your 10 year olds
How often are they violent eg throw things? Or any other violence?
How often do yours scream/shout?
Are they aggressive? How often?
Show disrespect to you?
How does yours respond if you give a consequence?

Would like to know what other are like

I have nothing to compare it to

No shouting or screaming or violence or throwing things etc

Might be some sulkines or attempting to be rude (nipped in bud)

What's happening in your home?

DS is 16 so past that age. He did give me backchat/attitude occasionally. But he was never violent or aggressive, never threw things or screamed and shouted at 10 years old. If that is happening with your child, it is not normal and not acceptable.

Is this behaviour a sudden change?

Has it been building since infancy?

No it is not sudden

But it has been happening for past few years

There are phases. There are phases when this doesn't happen so much then phases when it does (and no, no reason)

Violence/shouting never.

Disrespect is a strong word as she's very good most of the time, but we have quite frequent huffing and her feeling like we're horrendously unfair to expect things of her (homework, chores etc)

Occasional emotionally dramatic shriek/doorslam. Maybe once a month?

Thanks. Interesting.

Any more experience welcomed

Never any of what you have mentioned

Thanks

Anyone else?

I suspect my 10 year old is ND. He is currently undergoing investigation for autism/ADHD. He is occasionally forgetful about manners, and has to be pulled up on this, I would say this is as close as he gets to disrespectful. He makes really irritating noises pretty much constantly but not screaming or shouting. I am a secondary school teacher though, so managing behaviour is my day job. He's pretty hard work.

If yours is doing all of the things you listed, a GP visit on your own to discuss it might be a good idea.

This may not be normal and I hope it doesn't sound like boasting but never to any of those things.

If he gets overtired, very occasionally he can get a little huffy/impatient but never in a rude way.

He is an exceptionally easy going child tho and I do realise this is absolutely luck rather than parenting.

Will sulk and argue if don't like what's happening - such as bedtime. Or cry if they don't get what they want occasionally. Sometimes stomps up to room and hides under blanket. That's it though - no violence or throwing items. Sometimes bangs own head on wall if upset.

DS2 is 11, he occasionally still has 'tantrums' and always has done - when he does he can be violent, shout a lot, throw/break things. He does it usually when he doesn't get his own way/doesn't think things are fair etc.

He used to get so mad that he would 'lose it' and not be able to control it. These days he is much more in control and therefore it is more manageable, although still difficult.

She doesn't seem to fit a lot of the questions for ADHD/autism though. At least not that I can see.

I have seen GP they don't refer to CAMHS, the school does.

Possibly I should speak to school again about it.
She has previously had 3 sessions with CAMHS (or the equivalent in the area) to help manage her emotions.
She also had talking and drawing sessions at school.
Someone from the family hub was supposed to talk to school about arranging more sessions with CAMHS to try again. I never heard back.. Unsure whether that's school's fault or family Hub's fault.
I also spoke to school receptionist about her doing the ELSA thing who said she'd get the person to contact me. Never heard back. Unsure whether that's receptionist not passing it on or ELSA person not following it up.
You get so tired

But all that ended a while ago.

Thanks. Makes me feel a bit less alone!
I feel so lonely

My current 9 year old:

• hasnt thrown toys in temper for a good 3 years

• isn't aggressive or disrespectful towards me. Can be a bit rough with his older brother and dad (slapping back/bottom/arm) BUT the 3 of them do it to each other so I can't blame him. I have had to ban watching wrestling though cos the 3 of them (😡 DH) go overboard when play fighting.

• does screech a LOT when in an argument with his DB which drives me round the bend.

• does stomp his feet and get annoyed at things.

• responds badly to punishment. Lying on floor crying and screaming. We try to do more carrot than stick or let him earn things back. But he doesnt often need punishing because he has ADHD and we try very hard to reduce his triggers hence why his behaviour isn't too bad. He does a LOT of activity and spends loads of time outside.

His behaviour is exemplary at school. Its just at home he can be difficult.

His older brother also has ADHD. Before diagnosis and our subsequent adaptation of our lives basically, he would have horrific angry spells which were frightening. Although all violence was turned towards himself and no one else. The diagnosis, changes in our home life and our behaviour, as well as medication have been miracles. He's now 12 and wonderful (apart from the rough play mentioned above).

My DD is now 16. 11 was when the really awful stage kicked in. I was frequently told that I was the worst parent ever and many other insults. She was diagnosed with ASD when she was 15. It's still not easy and I am not suggesting your DD is autistic but it's worth exploring if only to rule it out,

My 11 year old shouts sometimes, not violent( although fights with younger brother) does sometimes struggle to do as asked first time. but is overall a good cuddly kid does know right from wrong and apologies when his behaviours bad and can talk his feelings through.

Younger child 8 however has meltdowns swears, is disrespectful at lot of the time, will throw things around, like cushions make a mess when angry, when trying to give consequences to his actions can go on at you and carry on for hours at a time so you are completely emotionally exhausted. I find I need to de-escalate a lot. I will say however when he's not 'heightened' he can be a lovely funny little boy, he is on the waiting list for adhd assessment, one of his main issues is emotional dysregulation

OP, My now 14 year old gave me the occasional backchat around that age (10), but never any throwing items or the other things you have mentioned. I'm not one to attempt negotiating or pleading with a child. I give one chance... to be clear there isn't some underlying issue behind the behaviour, and to be sure they understand why their actions are wrong, dangerous, unkind etc, if done again then I implement a consequence (usually confiscated items, cancelled activity etc). But, I do appreciate that not all children will be receptive to this type of behavioural management. So my fingers are crossed that this continues to work with my children for more years to come

Dd is ten, we get huffing and puffing and a lot of having to ask her five times before she does something. Sometimes she will cry and stomp feet over bedtimes and screen times and argue that friends are allowed later etc. very occasionally she will have a meltdown that involves lying on her bedroom floor crying.

What made you think they had ADHD? Like what behaviour were they doing that could be ADHD?
And what do you do differently as you know they've got ADHD if anything?
Anything can make my child angry

I think this age (14) is worse than age10 with my DS though. Puberty has hit...bringing with it a lot of insecurities, folding more to peer pressure, feeling stress about tests/exams in secondary. His upset seems to be demonstrated by being more withdrawn or visibly moody. So, it's lot more of me trying to prise conversation out of him etc. he has ADHD and struggles 'without' boundaries in place, but at his age there is more of any emphasis on independence and me taking a step back (which causes him struggle)

She doesn't fit the questions for autism though
There seems to be no clear cut thing

yes my child can also be absolutely amazing, so astute, and so empahetic to me and we have some really lovely close times and we do so much together.
And then of course there's the other times

How do you de-escalate?

Yes it's emotional dysregulation

I presume that you've had to answer an adhd questionnaire to be on the waiting list. What are the other signs/answers you've given that indicate adhd apart from the behaviour mentioned?

Tonight i said we weren't going to Guides. Unfortunately i don't have any faith that this will work.
I have given consequences but this doesn't seem to make a difference. she does say herself she finds it hard and can't stop

I wish i knew the answer.